Reply to Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 2 older siblings are childless. 38 and 44. The holidays they spend watching Netflix and surfing Reddit. I am sad for them. [/quote]

Sounds like a dream. [/quote]

I am one of these people; I am sad, but it is what it is. IVF was too expensive and prone not to work for me, and adoption was also too expensive. Maybe, when I can move to a more rural area that sadly has more available foster kids, I might consider adopting from foster care. [/quote]
We definitely need more people to foster children.  So, thank you, PP.

All these pro-birthers should also be willing to foster/adopt children.

Being a parent is hard. It requires not just financial sacrifices, but a lot of personal sacrifices, and TBH, a lot of men aren't willing to give up their selfish ways. They definitely should not be having any kids.  Women have more choices now, but a lot of men don't want to step up and be a true partner in the home with childcare and housechores.  But even if the DH does step up, it's still hard.

My parents had four kids, uneducated, worked menial jobs.  I have two kids, educated, work white collar office job.  Being a parent was hard for them for obvious reasons, but they didn't have the same expectations that we have on being a parent today, especially for UMC parents.  There's a lot of pressure to make sure your kids are exposed to different things; best education; read to them every night; take them to museums, blah blah blah.. I mean, I did all that, and I was glad to, but a lot of our spare time is spent doing stuff for/with the kids.  Those expectations didn't exist for my parents.

Then there are the college costs, not to mention medical costs that are through the roof.

If you are lower class, you can get all kinds of welfare, scholarships, etc etc.. If you are middle/umc, you don't qualify for those things, but you don't make enough to be "comfortable" and save for retirement.

I don't blame childless couples for not wanting kids.  It's definitely tough. At the same time, IMO, it will be lonelier for them when they hit a certain age.  [/quote]

I'm not so sure that it will be lonelier for them at a certain age. I sometimes think childless people do better in middle age because they don't get empty nest syndrome. I think the loneliest time for them is when their friends often have young kids and are simply in a very different place in life. But then most of the childless people I know sort of shift gears and figure it out, and by the time everyone hits 50 or 55, they have figured it out and the people with kids are suddenly having to figure out what they do with their lives as their children leave home.

And after that it's a bit of a crapshoot. Some people are close with their adult kids and grandchildren (if they have them, which they might not, as this thread explains), some are not. A lot of older people have frustrating relationships with their kids and it's not the comfort they thought it would be at all. As a childless person, you can't be disappointed by that because you don't have kids. Some childless people may get to that point and regret not having kids, but is that really that different than some of the other regrets people have at that age? Lots of people hit 60 and think "I should have married someone else, I should have left my spouse, I should have gotten a graduate degree, I should have moved to another city when I had the chance, etc." Few people make it to the end thinking they did everything they needed to do, and people with kids are not exempt at all. So many regrets around kids.

I'm a parent and am so glad I am -- I went into it with my eyes open and wouldn't change it for the world. But I am also very aware that I gave things up in having kids. It's just one thing you can do with your life. It's hard and it's rewarding and I think some people are better at it than others. But it's not like it's the solution to all your problems. It doesn't fix anything. It can make certain things a lot worse. And you don't have to do it.[/quote]

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