What's It Like Being Married to a Smart Man?

[Anonymous]

Is your husband intelligent? Not average, but really intelligent? How is it being married to him?

My dad is very intelligent but he's a jerk and I wouldn't want to marry someone like him. So I didn't.

I love my husband, he's very sweet, he's very kind and fun to be around. But he is not that bright. He's not dumb, I guess he's average, but sometimes I find myself very frustrated with him because he does things that make no sense. It's like he tries to think way too hard about the easiest things and in the process he makes an easy task 10 x more difficult. This makes me think he is not too bright and I become irritated.

I feel like I have to do EVERYTHING that requires critical thinking skills because he has none.

Brainy people have their flaws as well. I am considered to be brainy by most people, but I am also rude and impatient if I think someone is less intelligent than I. It's not on purpose. I just lack the patience to explain things that I think people should already know. So would I really like it if I was married to someone who was super brainy? It would make my life easier I think because I could rely on them to handle important tasks instead of having to check and double check and then check again just to make sure it was done correctly.

What say you....???

[Anonymous]

My husband was valedictorian of his high school, magna cum laude in college, and is a doctor. So yes, he's very intelligent. I'm pretty smart, too, but he's smarter. He's definitely good at the complicated stuff, I don't have to double check stuff. I do have to organize us--so if we're going out for the day, I have to ask him to pack the diaper bag and what to put in it and tell him to start putting the kid's shoes on (if I can't) or else it would never happen or it would be way later than we need to leave the house.

Nut he's also just a good guy--great husband and wonderful father and that's the most important.

[Anonymous]

My husband is very intelligent, but he's also kind, empathetic, and quite funny.

I went back to work full-time this year and he's taken over grocery shopping, laundry, kids appointments, etc. and is doing a fantastic job of it. I never have to check up on him. He also has a high-stress job and is the president of the board of a non-profit so he's got a lot going on.

He's not perfect, but he's pretty darn amazing.

[Anonymous]

Your poor husband! Not because he isn't smart, but because he's married to you.

You're right, you are rude and probably not as intelligent as you think you are, because you certainly didn't make an smart choice in a marriage partner. It's not wrong to value intelligence in a mate. However, when you marry someone you know is of average intelligence when what you want is someone with above-average intelligence, you're the idiot in the situation.

Intelligence does not automatically mean someone's an asshole- that's just the case for you and your father.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry... for the both of you. Sounds like you may inherited your father's arrogance. Maybe you need to work on your EQ. Luckily that is something you can improve, at least up to a point. It really is more of a question of personality in your case though. And are you sure your husband isn't playing you by playing I am incompetent game so you end up doing all the work? It might also help if you got out more and met smart people and then you would realize you are not as smart as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband intelligent? Not average, but really intelligent? How is it being married to him?

My dad is very intelligent but he's a jerk and I wouldn't want to marry someone like him. So I didn't.

I love my husband, he's very sweet, he's very kind and fun to be around. But he is not that bright. He's not dumb, I guess he's average, but sometimes I find myself very frustrated with him because he does things that make no sense. It's like he tries to think way too hard about the easiest things and in the process he makes an easy task 10 x more difficult. This makes me think he is not too bright and I become irritated.

I feel like I have to do EVERYTHING that requires critical thinking skills because he has none.

Brainy people have their flaws as well. I am considered to be brainy by most people, but I am also rude and impatient if I think someone is less intelligent than I. It's not on purpose. I just lack the patience to explain things that I think people should already know. So would I really like it if I was married to someone who was super brainy? It would make my life easier I think because I could rely on them to handle important tasks instead of having to check and double check and then check again just to make sure it was done correctly.

What say you....???

If you are as smart as you claim then you should be smart enough to know when you are rude. I feel so sorry for your DH because, even on anonymous board, it is a terrible thing to say about one's spouse. You sound like a micro-managing, unpleasant person, who isn't nearly as smart as you think you are. So happy I don't know you.

[Anonymous]

My DH is very intelligent. It's something I was attracted to from the beginning. While I'm a very good student, he retains a lot more of the academics. I enjoy watching him think.

That said, he's also very social, mild mannered, an amazing dad, and the last person to show off his intelligence.

You have to look at the whole person and not just one aspect of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is very intelligent. It's something I was attracted to from the beginning. While I'm a very good student, he retains a lot more of the academics. I enjoy watching him think.

That said, he's also very social, mild mannered, an amazing dad, and the last person to show off his intelligence.

You have to look at the whole person and not just one aspect of them.

What does it mean?

[Anonymous]

OP, you didn't marry someone like your father because YOU are the one who is like your father. and if you had married someone more intelligent than you, you'd be treated the way you treat your husband.

what does that really mean, anyway, that someone's "intelligent" - do you mean well-educated? because they are NOT the same thing at all. do you mean curious about learning or having common sense? not sure i know where you're coming from.

maybe you should learn to love your husband for who he is and find friends with similar interests. or divorce him and let him go live his dumb happy life with someone else.

i'm hoping you didn't mean to sound as intolerant as you did in your post. you sound bored and unhappy but those are YOUR problems to deal with, not your husband's. good luck

[Anonymous]

My husband is super smart, but I don't feel intellectually inferior to him. He is definitely less organized and less able to multitask with work/home, so I do that more. I think every person is different. To the OP, my guess is if you think your DH is overthinking problems ... it could be his personality OR you could be overbearing to him, so he fears making any mistake (without even saying anything about his IQ, you have somehow boxed him in so he feels damned no matter what his decision is - so he either avoids making them, or agonizes to be sure he makes the right one). Either way, I suspect if you try to lighten things up a bit (either he doesn't need to worry so much or you stop pressuring so much), things will get better. You chose him for reasons that you recognize, so you have incentive to make it work.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I didn't say I thought I was intelligent. I said that is how other people describe me.

Some people are smart. Some people are beautiful. Some people are good at sports. If you have a problem with someone admitting their good qualities (which isn't what I did in this post) then that's on you. True, no one likes a show off. But once again, I simply stated how other people refer to me.

To the person who asked, I am not talking about "book smarts". I always say there are a lot of well educated idiots running around.

You can get to know a person but there are a lot of things that you don't realize until you are married to them. There is no way I could have imagined some of the situations we've been in. There is no way that these situations could have been predicted. And for the less serious stuff- sometimes it's just frustrating.

I wish I could give the most recent example but if someone we know were to read it, they'd know it was me on here. This did NOT happen, but this is the type of person he is. Let's say we were really short money and needed to make cuts. We are down to our last dollars. He's the type of person who would think they are helping by driving 50 miles out of the way to save .10 a gallon on gas. Then he'd avoid all toll roads coming back- adding another 20 miles because he wanted to save the $4 on fees. If I were to point out why that wasn't a good idea- he'd get mad at me for not appreciating his trying to help.

It's hard not having a partner you can rely on. If you don't understand that, then be glad that's not your situation instead of looking for ways to criticize me. Because really, I am honest about my good points and I am honest about the bad ones as well. Calling me names doesn't really hurt me or anything because I am well aware of how I am. I can be a jerk but I can also be very kind.

I rarely criticize my husband because he is very sensitive, but sometimes things slip out. I've learned to just smile and sometimes cry myself to sleep. Being frustrated doesn't mean I don't love him. He's a great guy.

[Anonymous]

No one is speaking harshly to you because they think you're a show off. It's because they think you're an ass.

And really, you say he makes easy tasks 10X harder than they are and you have to handle everything that involves critical thinking. If you did not notice this before marriage, you missed something. That is so something you find out before you marry someone.

[Anonymous]

You are married to this guy for better or for worse so start focusing on his good qualities and try to ignore or downplay his "challenges." He may not be super smart, but who cares? Being kind, responsible, compassionate, giving etc are all more important in my book then being smart. Also, "being smart" is too simplistic. My husband, I believe, is quite smart, but he also is ADHD, so he has problems with organizing, focusing etc. He also is smart about how things work, but I think I am smarter about how people work, i.e. emotional intelligence. In a relationship, the most important thing is being smart about how to interact with your spouse. So he drives a few miles out of his way....big deal... Are you then so angry that you make him feel bad and it sours your relationship? Maybe go to a marriage counselor and discuss what each of you is bothered by. I'm sure he has his gripes. No one is perfect. Being married to a smart man has some benefits, but so does being married to a kind man, a rich man, a handsome man, a giving man, etc. Just focus on the positive and realize that being smart is not the be all and end all.

[Anonymous]

Men like women who are nice to them. You're setting yourself up for failure down the road.

[Anonymous]

Well, if we soon see a post that reads: What's it like being married to a woman that isn't an ugly troll (inside and out)...............we will know who's DH wrote it.