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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son was accused of sexual assault. When he was 15, another 15-year-old said that he groped her breast when she was 12 and they were alone after school. She posted accusations of him being a sexual predator, and everyone at his school, including parents, shunned him. He was beaten up. He was terrorized.
I don't even think the groping occurred, based not only on knowing my son but also on text messages I saw. But the truth doesn't matter.
And even if he had done that, he doesn’t deserve to be thrown away. He was 12. Children that age are still learning boundaries, still forming their sense of right and wrong. They need to be taught, guided, and held accountable in ways that help them grow—not branded for life.
When you hear that a young man has been accused of a sex crime, you imagine a monster who stalked and viciously attacked a young woman. Many situations are much less cut and dried.
For my son, there was no room for nuance. The school became a court, the whispers a verdict, the rumors a sentence. He carried that weight in every hallway, in every glance from a classmate, in every moment of silence from someone who used to greet him. He learned what it feels like to be erased while still standing in plain sight.
We tried to keep him going. We spoke to the school, to lawyers, to anyone who might help. But nothing could undo the damage once the words were out. The friends he’d known since kindergarten stopped answering his messages. Teachers who had once praised him now looked through him. Online, strangers who had never met him repeated the accusations as if they were fact.
At home, I watched my child shrink into himself. The easy laughter disappeared. He stopped talking about the future. Nights were the worst—when the weight of it all seemed to settle on him, when he would retreat to his room and go silent for hours. As a parent, I felt helpless. I could fight for him in public, but I couldn’t take away what was happening inside him.
He is still my son. He is still a human being with a life ahead of him, and he deserved the chance to live it without being defined forever by one accusation whether false or the result of a mistake made when he was a child.
[/quote]

I am very sorry you and your family went through this. Totally agree with what you’re saying.

I am a staunch feminist but also the mother of sons. I had girlfriends get date raped and just accept it which made me furious. I was pretty self-righteous about sexual assault until I had a male friend in college accused of rape.

While the investigation was pending he was suspended and had to leave campus. The woman eventually confessed to lying. They had been dating, and he broke up with her because she was crazy. She retaliated by accusing him. He did come back but his reputation was shredded, he’s lost a semester, and he got no restitution. The false accuser was not seriously disciplined for lying. She got a slap on the hand.

It made me realize how f*cked a system is that assumes guilt. Colleges were over correcting for when women weren’t believed for real rapes and some crazy woman took advantage of that to really f*ck up a guy’s life.[/quote]

Women lying about sexual assault is the exception and does not occur at rates higher than other crimes.

And you are just wrong about "the system". There was an article in the Atlantic a few years back about this. It was well done. And it's a theme I not only lived, and friends have lived, but it is one that is on display in police stations and courts everywhere. (Just listen to true crime - it's a typical theme). Women are not believed. They are judged as "sluts" and their morality is put on trial. Men get off with slaps on the wrist (Brock Turner, anyone?) Just look at the back log of rape kits in the country.

I am sorry for any man who gets caught up in false allegations. But do not act like that is typical or is somehow a bigger problem than ACTUAL sexual assaults. [/quote]

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