New roommate emails to request they be given the desk and bed by the window. Wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

Former RA here, and I agree with this completely. Flip for it, or bargain for it. Nothing is free.

“Nothing is free” if you live in a dog eat dog world.

Setting a generous tone might start this new relationship off on the right foot .

I suppose - but if the room mate ends up being a taker, OP's DC does not want to have to find out the hard way. Takers depend on other people being nicer than them.

OP's DC was already judging this person she doesn't know as a friendless loser based on trawling her Instagram account, before she got an email. I don't think the she's in any danger of being too nice.

NP. Based on what’s been shared here, I disagree. OP’s DD was the recipient of an email that raises at least some questions. Normally an introductory email from a roomie would be friendly - why the businesslike tone? Why start the relationship by asking for something of value and not offering one darn thing, including friendship, in return? Maybe this is a case of poor email etiquette. But at the end of the day, the DD is rightfully wondering “who is this person that I have to share my personal space with?“ I would check it out too. The DD sounds intelligent enough to draw some conclusions based on it. Roommate’s move to prove her wrong.

She didn't check it out because she got the email. She already had trawled her Insta and decided she had "an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships" because she didn't have enough group photos. Then she got the email. Then she told her mom that the email "further raises her concerns" about being assigned this girl as a roommate. This is all straight from her mom in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

Former RA here, and I agree with this completely. Flip for it, or bargain for it. Nothing is free.

“Nothing is free” if you live in a dog eat dog world.

Setting a generous tone might start this new relationship off on the right foot .

I suppose - but if the room mate ends up being a taker, OP's DC does not want to have to find out the hard way. Takers depend on other people being nicer than them.

OP's DC was already judging this person she doesn't know as a friendless loser based on trawling her Instagram account, before she got an email. I don't think the she's in any danger of being too nice.

NP. Based on what’s been shared here, I disagree. OP’s DD was the recipient of an email that raises at least some questions. Normally an introductory email from a roomie would be friendly - why the businesslike tone? Why start the relationship by asking for something of value and not offering one darn thing, including friendship, in return? Maybe this is a case of poor email etiquette. But at the end of the day, the DD is rightfully wondering “who is this person that I have to share my personal space with?“ I would check it out too. The DD sounds intelligent enough to draw some conclusions based on it. Roommate’s move to prove her wrong.

She didn't check it out because she got the email. She already had trawled her Insta and decided she had "an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships" because she didn't have enough group photos. Then she got the email. Then she told her mom that the email "further raises her concerns" about being assigned this girl as a roommate. This is all straight from her mom in this thread.

Well, maybe one good thing to come out of this is that the roommate may be a quiet and drama free person. Doesn’t sound like she’s a big partier; not sure what the obsessive personality reference is to. But anyway, if a person had social/anxiety issues, no point in poking the bear or making things worse. Maybe the bed by the window helps her to feel secure in an otherwise uncertain world. Who knows. I guess my take on this is to keep antenna up in case this person is a taker, but maybe also be sensitive to the fact this person might just be a bit rigid. Like other PPs said, part of the roommate experience is learning how to get along with different types of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Enjoying both the diversity of thought and the recurring themes. For clarity; mom is only an observer. In this situation I myself would have replied “really looking forward to rooming together, no worries about the desk/bed -consider the window ones yours!” and I am widely recognized as a pushover by my circle. DD is not like me and shared the email saying this further raises her concerns about the assignment roommate after she went through her Instagram account and found no photos with same age friends (DD feels what she saw on future roommates Insta suggests an obsessive personality and a life void of friendships). DD imagined herself doing what sounds rude to me (ignoring request and deciding which bed/desk to occupy when she gets to the room). DD said if future roommate asked she would just claim to have no knowledge of email request. To (pushover and very accommodating) me DD’s plan sounds awful and I am genuinely curious what others would elect to do in this situation.

Ooh, tough spot. My DD had a similar vibe about her first-year roommate—it was clear from online photos that the roomie was lonely and socially awkward. She rolled with it and was kind, but her first thoughts were on target and it was a rough year. If your DD is getting those vibes and has an out, she should take it. That sounds callous, but her experience matters, too.

[Anonymous]

Wow- tough crowd. I think the message is fine- it has been a weird year. I was an RA for 2 years and only in the case of really unfair arrangements (lofts in quads) did the kids change beds mid-year.

I also think it is possible the person’s previous roommate may have been difficult- hence the mid-year vacancy. I have seen communications like this when people have been burned by roommates and they are attempting to assert boundaries in a neutral way. They could also be worried about the logistics of the move-in day with likely limited people allowed in the elevators. I could see that situation being awkward standing around waiting for the new resident to arrive to flip coins for beds.

I would hope my child would respond with a friendly- “no problem” plus some empathy about how hard it must have been to move out completely. And then maybe include a query about any recommendations of things to bring.

I think extending the benefit of the doubt along with friendly engagement and healthy boundaries is the best path.

And judging someone by their Insta is common but shallow.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe this has been going on for 11 pages. It is just a bed placement.

To those thinking this wasn't a very friendly way of greeting new roommate - agreed, but I also think it is a little different when it is a mid-year change in rooming situation as opposed to two freshman starting out at a new school.

Are these two girls even freshmen?

[Anonymous]

I think this has been expressed earlier in the thread (I just can't read back through every post) but this to me is clearly an issue caused by Covid. In the past, if someone had a roommate who moved out at the end of a semester or if they never got one first semester then their stuff would all be there - bed made, desk full, pictures up etc. Because of this unique situation, this girl was forced to take everything down and pack it up which is really annoying! I'm not sure if OP mentioned why her daughter is new in the room this spring semester - maybe she stayed home out of concern, maybe she had another roommate situation that didn't work etc. but the reality is that this other girl is living in the same room and should have a chance to keep the bed she had. It's not a big deal.

My daughter is at Oberlin and living in an on campus house with three other girls. She got the least appealing room because she arrived last but there is no way she would arrive and take someone else's space even though they all had to pack up completely before break. I just think it causes more issues than it solves for OP's child so hopefully she will act rationally.

Btw, OP it looks like the girl shared her move in date/time with your daughter. Is it later than the one your child was given? if not, seems like a moot point.

[Anonymous]

OP - your child missing out on being near the window is so less important than the damage you are doing by being this involved

[Anonymous]

Without a doubt the roommate (and her obnoxious pushy conniving mom, who groomed who to be this way) have already cyber-stalked your daughter and your family and deemed you all to be undesirable and below them socially. I assure you Malia Obama would not get an email like this.

The bitchy passive-aggressive kid is not entitle to the prime location all year. She already got it the first semester. Enjoy the non-windowed wall, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - your child missing out on being near the window is so less important than the damage you are doing by being this involved

Who's paying the room and board fees?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without a doubt the roommate (and her obnoxious pushy conniving mom, who groomed who to be this way) have already cyber-stalked your daughter and your family and deemed you all to be undesirable and below them socially. I assure you Malia Obama would not get an email like this.

The bitchy passive-aggressive kid is not entitle to the prime location all year. She already got it the first semester. Enjoy the non-windowed wall, sweetie.

What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone reading this is now dumber for having read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without a doubt the roommate (and her obnoxious pushy conniving mom, who groomed who to be this way) have already cyber-stalked your daughter and your family and deemed you all to be undesirable and below them socially. I assure you Malia Obama would not get an email like this.

The bitchy passive-aggressive kid is not entitle to the prime location all year. She already got it the first semester. Enjoy the non-windowed wall, sweetie.

What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone reading this is now dumber for having read it.

Nah, this is probably just the PP who wrote the two satirical “Dear Roommate“ letters yesterday, which were both hilarious. You have to admit that this topic, while there is a tiny nugget of a life lesson involved, is a bit ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without a doubt the roommate (and her obnoxious pushy conniving mom, who groomed who to be this way) have already cyber-stalked your daughter and your family and deemed you all to be undesirable and below them socially. I assure you Malia Obama would not get an email like this.

The bitchy passive-aggressive kid is not entitle to the prime location all year. She already got it the first semester. Enjoy the non-windowed wall, sweetie.

What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone reading this is now dumber for having read it.

Nah, this is probably just the PP who wrote the two satirical “Dear Roommate“ letters yesterday, which were both hilarious. You have to admit that this topic, while there is a tiny nugget of a life lesson involved, is a bit ridiculous.

Indeed, which is why I drew inspiration from a famous Billy Madison quote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - your child missing out on being near the window is so less important than the damage you are doing by being this involved

Who's paying the room and board fees?

NP. I pay room and board, and yet I don't feel the need to help my kid decide on bed placement, or how to kindly respond to a very typical roommate email. Stupid, this isn't a college question.

[Anonymous]

This is a very small issue that your child should be able to navigate on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - your child missing out on being near the window is so less important than the damage you are doing by being this involved

Who's paying the room and board fees?

NP. I pay room and board, and yet I don't feel the need to help my kid decide on bed placement, or how to kindly respond to a very typical roommate email. Stupid, this isn't a college question.

Well I pay room and board, and helped my daughter create a schedule for the bathroom. I pay for it, the roommate should not be able to monopolize prime bathroom sink and mirror time simply because she set her alarm earlier.