New roommate emails to request they be given the desk and bed by the window. Wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do colleges insist on this outdated idea of roommates anyway? My eighth grader, who is an only child, insists that she would rather commute to George Mason when she is in college than share a room.

Are there schools where single rooms the norm, or at least a possibility for a freshman?

I hope your child is planning for a career field that will afford her the opportunity to live alone for the rest of her life.

Sharing an apartment is not the same as sharing a room.

And when she gets married?

Sharing a room with a stranger is not the same as sharing a room with your partner for life. Though she has said that she plans to never marry. Not all 13 year old girls are busy planning their weddings.

OP, I hear you. I did my freshman year on campus with a bizarre roommate (and her boyfriend, who stayed over all the time). I learned little other than I don't like living with most people, esp strangers who I have not vetted to share space with. I would have loved a single, in a heartbeat.

I am now married and with a child and am able to fully and normally live with both of them. But nothing that dorm experience provided was relevant to that in any way. The argument above -that you need to live in a dorm to be able to live with other people- is ridiculous and over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

Former RA here, and I agree with this completely. Flip for it, or bargain for it. Nothing is free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is reasonable.

And some people need that natural light for mental health reasons. As an RA, I once had to broker a room swap for exactly that reason. It was critical to one student, but her roommate refused to give up the spot with natural light.

Why is one person’s preference for natural light more important than the other’s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t be a bad time for your DC to note a preference for a quiet in the room after 10 pm, or an incense-free room, or other such tidbit.

It’s about establishing boundaries. We have a neighbor who would encroach big time if we let her. Over the past several years she has asked for such things as being able to have her party guests park on our driveway and lawn; to have her guest stay in our carriage house (for free) for two months and to have an adopted pit bull live in our yard. Early on, I donated a sizable amount to her PAC and the following year she asked for 6x that amount and seemed put out when we wouldn’t agree. Suffice it to say that, since we have to live with her next to us, we balance out what we agree to with what we get from her. We agree to very little and always balance it with requesting something reasonable in conjunction with the “give.” Wish it didn’t have to be this way, but with “takers” you have to set firm boundaries so that things don’t get out of control.

What great advice for life, thank you PP

x100000

If anything, events such as this help you prepare for people (takers) who lacking boundaries- some more than others, OP. Great life lesson to be able to say no, especially to certain types of people who are either not accustomed hearing that word, or are petulant children in an adult body. Their problem, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

Former RA here, and I agree with this completely. Flip for it, or bargain for it. Nothing is free.

“Nothing is free” if you live in a dog eat dog world.

Setting a generous tone might start this new relationship off on the right foot .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. 16:15 thank you, I shared your post with DD and she now plans to respond to the future roommates email (with a pleasant tone about rooming together for the next semester) and see if future roommate would be willing to share some closet space in exchange.

Yikes. Is your daughter going to be a lawyer?

I like that the roommate asked, did not assume. She shared her rationale (which I think makes sense). Only one person can have the bed by the window.

So I probably would have agreed, but hoped that my graciousness would have been rewarded by her giving up the next such favored option down the line.

(I think OP's daughter did, in essence, say "What do I get from being nice to you?" I don't like the message that sends. It is extremely transactional, but maybe that is the way she is. )

One of the first thing you learn is "finder's keepers" in 1L - they don't call it that, of course. OP, I like to call it "you snooze, you lose". The room mate wants it, she can get there first, when school reopens, it is a fresh start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

Former RA here, and I agree with this completely. Flip for it, or bargain for it. Nothing is free.

“Nothing is free” if you live in a dog eat dog world.

Setting a generous tone might start this new relationship off on the right foot .

I suppose - but if the room mate ends up being a taker, OP's DC does not want to have to find out the hard way. Takers depend on other people being nicer than them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a pain in the neck for the roommate to pack everything up for winter break and the unpack it again.

Almost all schools had to do this, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

Former RA here, and I agree with this completely. Flip for it, or bargain for it. Nothing is free.

“Nothing is free” if you live in a dog eat dog world.

Setting a generous tone might start this new relationship off on the right foot .

I suppose - but if the room mate ends up being a taker, OP's DC does not want to have to find out the hard way. Takers depend on other people being nicer than them.

OP's DC was already judging this person she doesn't know as a friendless loser based on trawling her Instagram account, before she got an email. I don't think the she's in any danger of being too nice.

[Anonymous]

I'd let the returning roommate have her side of the room. How long is spring semester? 5 months ? Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd let the returning roommate have her side of the room. How long is spring semester? 5 months ? Not a big deal.

Why does the roommate get both bed and desk by window? I would have her choose one perk not two
After all it's only one semester, right pp? Why should roommate get everything? Serious question. I would push back on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

Former RA here, and I agree with this completely. Flip for it, or bargain for it. Nothing is free.

“Nothing is free” if you live in a dog eat dog world.

Setting a generous tone might start this new relationship off on the right foot .

I suppose - but if the room mate ends up being a taker, OP's DC does not want to have to find out the hard way. Takers depend on other people being nicer than them.

OP's DC was already judging this person she doesn't know as a friendless loser based on trawling her Instagram account, before she got an email. I don't think the she's in any danger of being too nice.

Agreed. But be wary of Takers is also an important life lesson. Takers can make or break a place that you live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let the returning roommate have her side of the room. How long is spring semester? 5 months ? Not a big deal.

Why does the roommate get both bed and desk by window? I would have her choose one perk not two
After all it's only one semester, right pp? Why should roommate get everything? Serious question. I would push back on that.

NP. I can see it both ways (as far as fairness goes; I do think the roommate made the wrong call in sending the request). My thought is to error on the side of what will make for a smoother semester with the roommate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody pardon me because I don’t know. Is there a new reset every semester? If so then the window bed is up for grabs. Either way I think the bed is up for grabs since she moved out. Flip a coin for it.

Former RA here, and I agree with this completely. Flip for it, or bargain for it. Nothing is free.

“Nothing is free” if you live in a dog eat dog world.

Setting a generous tone might start this new relationship off on the right foot .

I suppose - but if the room mate ends up being a taker, OP's DC does not want to have to find out the hard way. Takers depend on other people being nicer than them.

OP's DC was already judging this person she doesn't know as a friendless loser based on trawling her Instagram account, before she got an email. I don't think the she's in any danger of being too nice.

NP. Based on what’s been shared here, I disagree. OP’s DD was the recipient of an email that raises at least some questions. Normally an introductory email from a roomie would be friendly - why the businesslike tone? Why start the relationship by asking for something of value and not offering one darn thing, including friendship, in return? Maybe this is a case of poor email etiquette. But at the end of the day, the DD is rightfully wondering “who is this person that I have to share my personal space with?“ I would check it out too. The DD sounds intelligent enough to draw some conclusions based on it. Roommate’s move to prove her wrong.

[Anonymous]

^ exactly right