Will this wreck my relationship?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry so you are going through this. I know it hurts like hell right now, but this is a gift. You've seen who he is and can start moving on toward a better, brighter future with someone who deserves your love. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. That hurts.

I would be surprised if he doesn't circle back with you and try to make up. He's had a good thing going that benefits him, and he's assumed you will forgive and can be strung along. He's likely to try that some more for as long as he can. So if he comes back to you with words, remember how you have felt all along the relationship and right now. That is not going to change. He may come back with new promises, etc. That would be typical for someone like him and it doesn't mean anything new. Be careful.

The great news is that you did not get so far in that you have wasted decades on this man or had kids with him. People get trapped for longer and deeper than you did. This is a wake up call. Don't go repeat this with another man. Please do therapy and work on your self esteem, and go have a great life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

I sat him down before dinner and had some notes typed up on my phone. I was shaking and told him how nervous I was. I got through reading my notes with some tears. He told me I was very braved and hugged me. I thought that was a good sign.

We had dinner, and he didn't bring up another word about it. After dinner, I circled back to what I was saying, and he flipped his lid. He ended up calling me a b*tch and told me "f*ck you" around 4 times. He said, "Why can't you just be happy with where we are!? Why do you need a marriage to fulfill you?! Are you THAT empty?!" He said he didn't want a wife and kids getting in the way of him hosting game nights with his friends once a week.

So, we're not together anymore.

OMG, I am so sorry. My jaw literally dropped when I read that. I know this hurts so much right now, but you completely dodged a bullet. What a complete and total jerk. I guarantee you will come through this stronger and more beautiful in every way.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP!

So sorry for what happened. Like previous posters said, this is a blessing. I can’t believe he called you names!

There is nothing more you need to discuss with this guy. Please do not respond when he comes back snd apologizes snd definitely do not go back to him, you know he’s not capable of giving what you want in life.

Focus on your well being and try figuring out why you’re attracted to this type of man.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs, OP, that he has shown you who he is and you need to believe him. I, too, would be very surprised if he doesn't call you, all contrite and sorry. It's worked in the past and he has a good thing with you. Unfortunately, it's not good for you.

Hugs, stay strong and post back if you need some encouragement or strength.

[Anonymous]

OP, I concur with the others.
First, I am so so sorry that happened to you. I’m sure that was not at all the response you were expecting.
But I’m glad he “flipped his lid.” That was what he was feeling all along, and didn’t have the guts to say, and frankly was just fine skating by on doing nothing and having you do all the work.
I am positive he is going to try to call, text and tell you his usual “give me some time, etc” and I implore you to listen to us wise old women on here and think of what he actually said when you laid it out for him.
It’s a blessing in disguise. It’s been going on for too long.
You need to make a clean break with your dignity intact and do not engage.
Especially over text. It’s way too easy to “communicate”, badly, over text, so I implore you to really stop and think, and refuse to communicate further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I am so sorry about what happened but so grateful you found out now, rather than years down the road. You also got a look into what your life would have been, married and with kids. You dodged a massive bullet. Hugs to you.

OP: Thank you. I'm pretty gutted right now, and it's hard to feel like there's anything positive about this, but I know I'll feel it eventually. I just feel so horribly worthless.

OP, this is how it has to be. You will find a much better man. Someone who does not freak out and curse at you for wanting a normal adult life! He is the one with the problem, not you. Hope his game nights are super fabulous!

[Anonymous]

Cut him off COMPLETELY now. If you didn't make clear that you broke up, do so one more time in brief but clear terms. Then never respond to him again no matter what he says or does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

I sat him down before dinner and had some notes typed up on my phone. I was shaking and told him how nervous I was. I got through reading my notes with some tears. He told me I was very braved and hugged me. I thought that was a good sign.

We had dinner, and he didn't bring up another word about it. After dinner, I circled back to what I was saying, and he flipped his lid. He ended up calling me a b*tch and told me "f*ck you" around 4 times. He said, "Why can't you just be happy with where we are!? Why do you need a marriage to fulfill you?! Are you THAT empty?!" He said he didn't want a wife and kids getting in the way of him hosting game nights with his friends once a week.

So, we're not together anymore.

Wow. He has some real issues.
Sorry you had to experience his meltdown like that. Please don’t reach out to him again nor entertain his reaching out. He is a broken defective person. I know you managed some good times with him while he was doing his best to be normal but he is not.

Take some time, many even see a therapist to rebuild your confidence in yourself and in love. I’m sorry you came across such a person and got involved. I am happy you can get back to being yourself and are not still in a relationship with someone this disordered. Honestly, it seems like he has Aspergers or is a binaries, selfish jerk.

[Anonymous]

Don’t let him manipulate you nor put you down.

He likes to blame others for his own terrible behavior and decisions. Don’t let him dare do that to you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

I sat him down before dinner and had some notes typed up on my phone. I was shaking and told him how nervous I was. I got through reading my notes with some tears. He told me I was very braved and hugged me. I thought that was a good sign.

We had dinner, and he didn't bring up another word about it. After dinner, I circled back to what I was saying, and he flipped his lid. He ended up calling me a b*tch and told me "f*ck you" around 4 times. He said, "Why can't you just be happy with where we are!? Why do you need a marriage to fulfill you?! Are you THAT empty?!" He said he didn't want a wife and kids getting in the way of him hosting game nights with his friends once a week.

So, we're not together anymore.

So sorry, OP. This sounds really painful. Please note how your boyfriend put this back on you as if there is something wrong with you. At a minimum, you two just have different things you want out of the relationship. Your boyfriend could have acknowledged that and said it's time for you to break up. But on top of that, he tried to make you feel as if you are defective for wanting something different. That's a huge red flag right there. Even if you stayed together, that move - trying to make you feel there's something wrong with you - would not change. I know this is very hard and I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

What? I don't believe that was his response.

So tired of all these troll threads in this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I am so sorry about what happened but so grateful you found out now, rather than years down the road. You also got a look into what your life would have been, married and with kids. You dodged a massive bullet. Hugs to you.

OP: Thank you. I'm pretty gutted right now, and it's hard to feel like there's anything positive about this, but I know I'll feel it eventually. I just feel so horribly worthless.

Noooo, don’t internalize it. He is deeply troubled to react like that - emotionally stunted and abusive. To curse you out because you shared how you feel is just horrible and I’m so sorry. You dodged an enormous bullet!! You are way out of his league.

[Anonymous]

Btw - you haven’t heard the end of him. You mustn’t get back together with him — I can’t emphasize that enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What? I don't believe that was his response.

So tired of all these troll threads in this forum.

This was a textbook anger abuse breakdown from an autistic ManChild. Textbook. They let all their issues out in private in their wife. The cycle would go from a few a year, to every other month, to monthly to weekly as adult responsibilities pile up and he attempted to avoid life.

Good riddance