Will this wreck my relationship?

[Anonymous]

Can’t get married because...game nights? Wow, this guy sounds like a real prize.

OP, now that you’re not wasting your nights with this clown, you are free to go meet your husband. Someone out there is very likely looking for a woman just like you. He will be so excited to move in together and create a family. You won’t need typed notes or any advice from us!

Mourn this loser for a couple weeks but then please pick yourself up and live your best life. I’m excited for you. I’d love to hear an update in a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s fine if you want to be with him. There’s a lid for every pot.

Just remember this: this is as good as it gets. He’s never going to change. Every time you’re at a crossroads, every big decision, he’s going to drag his feet even when you KNOW what the right decision is. Marriage, kids, career moves, buying a home, decorating your home, getting a pet, choosing a school for the kids if you’re still young enough to have them when he gives the go ahead...

It’s not that he’s bad or unworthy of love that concerns me. It’s that you’re already frustrated with who he is at his core when you’re only 2 years in, when you’re both still on your best behavior. Imagine dealing with his decision related paralysis when you’re sleep deprived with 2 under 2 trying to keep your career from being mommy tracked and he needs his hand held as you’re trying to convince him he needs to rearrange his work schedule so he can help with daycare drop offs or that you need more space and a bigger home. Things are optimal and stress free right now, and while the rewards grow over time, so does the stress. It’s not going to get easier.

This is so true.

+1000 right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t get married because...game nights? Wow, this guy sounds like a real prize.

OP, now that you’re not wasting your nights with this clown, you are free to go meet your husband. Someone out there is very likely looking for a woman just like you. He will be so excited to move in together and create a family. You won’t need typed notes or any advice from us!

Mourn this loser for a couple weeks but then please pick yourself up and live your best life. I’m excited for you. I’d love to hear an update in a few months.

OP: Thank you! That's really sweet of you! <3

[Anonymous]

He didn’t know what else to say so threw down some F bombs and threw some boys game night spaghetti at the wall.
Man did he lose it. How can he even hold down a job when he can’t even answer people’s normal questions directly? Or at all.

[Anonymous]

OP you deserve all the happiness in the world, and though it feels bad now, you did absolutely the right thing and it WAS brave. And now you are on a path to finding someone who will treat you far better than what you have been putting up with.

[Anonymous]

Is this new behavior for him? Or have you seen it over the two years you’ve dated? It’s hard to imagine that this is the first you’ve of his volatility? Regardless — good riddance!! What a toxic person.

[Anonymous]

^^ first you’ve *seen* of his volatility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s fine if you want to be with him. There’s a lid for every pot.

Just remember this: this is as good as it gets. He’s never going to change. Every time you’re at a crossroads, every big decision, he’s going to drag his feet even when you KNOW what the right decision is. Marriage, kids, career moves, buying a home, decorating your home, getting a pet, choosing a school for the kids if you’re still young enough to have them when he gives the go ahead...

It’s not that he’s bad or unworthy of love that concerns me. It’s that you’re already frustrated with who he is at his core when you’re only 2 years in, when you’re both still on your best behavior. Imagine dealing with his decision related paralysis when you’re sleep deprived with 2 under 2 trying to keep your career from being mommy tracked and he needs his hand held as you’re trying to convince him he needs to rearrange his work schedule so he can help with daycare drop offs or that you need more space and a bigger home. Things are optimal and stress free right now, and while the rewards grow over time, so does the stress. It’s not going to get easier.

This is so true.

+1000 right here.

Given OP’s update, I’d like to change my stance: he is, in fact, bad and unworthy of love. He sucks.

[Anonymous]

OP, please post when he inevitably comes crawling back, we will all remind you why your life will be infinitely better without him. I bet it already is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I am so sorry about what happened but so grateful you found out now, rather than years down the road. You also got a look into what your life would have been, married and with kids. You dodged a massive bullet. Hugs to you.

OP: Thank you. I'm pretty gutted right now, and it's hard to feel like there's anything positive about this, but I know I'll feel it eventually. I just feel so horribly worthless.

You are not worthless. I know this is said all the time around here but please see a therapist and let them help you through this. You need someone skilled to help you get to the core of why you were willing to work this hard for so little and then when he treats you like crap you walk away thinking YOU are "worthless."

[Anonymous]

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. I didn't expect that, neither did you but in a way it saved you from more years of heartache.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting marriage, kids and commitment. The only empty person is the one who freaks out at that idea.

You'll meet someone soon who wants what you want. And you deserve so much more than the little crumbs he was offering. Remember that and don't accept anything less in your next relationship.

fwiw, I had a very, very painful experience with an ex, but it was a similar "blessing in disguise." I would have wasted a few more years on him, giving him a million chances. Then I met other guys --and ultimately my husband--who showed me that there were plenty of normal, loving men who wanted what I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- I am so sorry about what happened but so grateful you found out now, rather than years down the road. You also got a look into what your life would have been, married and with kids. You dodged a massive bullet. Hugs to you.

OP: Thank you. I'm pretty gutted right now, and it's hard to feel like there's anything positive about this, but I know I'll feel it eventually. I just feel so horribly worthless.

You are not worthless. I know this is said all the time around here but please see a therapist and let them help you through this. You need someone skilled to help you get to the core of why you were willing to work this hard for so little and then when he treats you like crap you walk away thinking YOU are "worthless."

+1,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP, I'm so sorry. I didn't expect that, neither did you but in a way it saved you from more years of heartache.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting marriage, kids and commitment. The only empty person is the one who freaks out at that idea.

You'll meet someone soon who wants what you want. And you deserve so much more than the little crumbs he was offering. Remember that and don't accept anything less in your next relationship.

fwiw, I had a very, very painful experience with an ex, but it was a similar "blessing in disguise." I would have wasted a few more years on him, giving him a million chances. Then I met other guys --and ultimately my husband--who showed me that there were plenty of normal, loving men who wanted what I wanted.

This. As bad as you feel now, OP, you would feel 1,000,000,000 times worse if you were married to someone who treats you so badly. Gamw night?!? GAME NIGHT instead of a family? Sorry but he is the empty one. Empty of social skills. Run far, far away from this man. You are a good person and the right guy will snap you up.

[Anonymous]

oh OP, that's so so painful.

I'm so sorry.

That being said, use it as a painful learning experience. You drove the relationship here, at every turn, and accepted a limited expression of affection, commitment, etc. Don't do that again. DIf a man is serious and marriage minded, he won't want to waste his time either but will move at an appropriate pace--and not freak out during conversions about emotions or the future. I hate that your EX made you feel like there was something wrong with you, when he's the stunted one.

The fact that he called you names though? That's some scary stuff right there. Not just emotionally stunted but really toxic and messed up. As someone else pointed out, even if he wasn't interested in marriage, a caring person who loved you at some level would not treat you like that. They would let you down gently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh OP, that's so so painful.

I'm so sorry.

That being said, use it as a painful learning experience. You drove the relationship here, at every turn, and accepted a limited expression of affection, commitment, etc. Don't do that again. DIf a man is serious and marriage minded, he won't want to waste his time either but will move at an appropriate pace--and not freak out during conversions about emotions or the future. I hate that your EX made you feel like there was something wrong with you, when he's the stunted one.

The fact that he called you names though? That's some scary stuff right there. Not just emotionally stunted but really toxic and messed up. As someone else pointed out, even if he wasn't interested in marriage, a caring person who loved you at some level would not treat you like that. They would let you down gently.

This. If you just weren't right for each other, he would respectfully tell you that, and wish you the best in your life. Respectfully. But no. He has to call you names and freak out and yell at you. If this is how he's going to behave when he has to have an important conversation, you really can't make a life with him. He'll be freaking out at every turn. What if something actually bad happens? He will not be able to handle it at all.

Also, married people are allowed to host game night, so WTF?