ill spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my wife was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2004. After many surgeries, chemo rounds and radiation, she passed in 2016.
It certainly crossed my mind many times, but I was raising our kid .
My secretary understood and took care of my physical & emotional needs that enabled me to stay as the caretaker.

I'm not surprised that you considered divorcing her while on and off sick. You are a man. We see this all the time. Men are apparently incapable of of putting somebody before themselves.

PP, I am a woman and my husband has an incurable disease. Please speak with some compassion. You don't know what it is like to be a long term caregiver.

You really don't know, unless you've been there.

It's true. The stress is unreal!

How do you support your ill spouse while you feel you are drowning yourself under the stress of caring for the kids, yourself, holding a job, managing your household, all without support from your family?

You do your best and live a life of quiet desperation.

That's what I do, anyway.

Thanks. Some days I accept that this limbo is my life forever. Other days I am crushed by the weight of it all.

I completely understand. It sucks.

+1. Except on top of caring for the kids, holding a job, and managing my household without support from family, I am also fighting a severe, disabling chronic disease.

I am regularly in so much pain that I pray to die, at the same time that I pray to live because who will care for my kids if I die.

Are you still married? is your spouse in the picture at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my wife was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2004. After many surgeries, chemo rounds and radiation, she passed in 2016.
It certainly crossed my mind many times, but I was raising our kid .
My secretary understood and took care of my physical & emotional needs that enabled me to stay as the caretaker.

I'm not surprised that you considered divorcing her while on and off sick. You are a man. We see this all the time. Men are apparently incapable of of putting somebody before themselves.

PP, I am a woman and my husband has an incurable disease. Please speak with some compassion. You don't know what it is like to be a long term caregiver.

You really don't know, unless you've been there.

It's true. The stress is unreal!

How do you support your ill spouse while you feel you are drowning yourself under the stress of caring for the kids, yourself, holding a job, managing your household, all without support from your family?

You do your best and live a life of quiet desperation.

That's what I do, anyway.

Thanks. Some days I accept that this limbo is my life forever. Other days I am crushed by the weight of it all.

Caregivers are allowed their boundaries. You draw your line in the sand and what you are willing to do, what you are willing to give up if you choose to stay. Never ending roller coasters, anger and guilt, sacrifices. Some find happiness nevertheless, the others who cannot have the right, even the duty, to walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe in, the vows of "in sickness and in health".
Ultimately it's your life and how you choose to deal with a dying spouse. But lets not fool ourself by calling it a gray area. Instead it's being a weasel.

My vows did not say change your diaper.

Nor does my H want me to do that. It actually is something a trained professional should do.

If I hurt myself trying to move him from chair to bed my grandchildren will lose 2 grandparents.

You are the selfish one that you can’t let you spouse live with dignity while you are sick.

A "trained professional" that earns $12 an hour and takes a 4 week course. Get the F# out of here. These trained professionals hurt their backs all the time trying to move other people's loved ones.

It's one thing to argue that it is a lot of work, and it is reasonable to outsource a lot of it. It's another to argue that you cannot clean the butt of the person you love, but others can. What kind of love is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe in, the vows of "in sickness and in health".
Ultimately it's your life and how you choose to deal with a dying spouse. But lets not fool ourself by calling it a gray area. Instead it's being a weasel.

My vows did not say change your diaper.

Nor does my H want me to do that. It actually is something a trained professional should do.

If I hurt myself trying to move him from chair to bed my grandchildren will lose 2 grandparents.

You are the selfish one that you can’t let you spouse live with dignity while you are sick.

A "trained professional" that earns $12 an hour and takes a 4 week course. Get the F# out of here. These trained professionals hurt their backs all the time trying to move other people's loved ones.

It's one thing to argue that it is a lot of work, and it is reasonable to outsource a lot of it. It's another to argue that you cannot clean the butt of the person you love, but others can. What kind of love is that?

See above. We all have our boundaries.
What kind of love is it that you insist on your spouse wiping your butt while you are sick? Is wiping butts a love language now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe in, the vows of "in sickness and in health".
Ultimately it's your life and how you choose to deal with a dying spouse. But lets not fool ourself by calling it a gray area. Instead it's being a weasel.

My vows did not say change your diaper.

Nor does my H want me to do that. It actually is something a trained professional should do.

If I hurt myself trying to move him from chair to bed my grandchildren will lose 2 grandparents.

You are the selfish one that you can’t let you spouse live with dignity while you are sick.

A "trained professional" that earns $12 an hour and takes a 4 week course. Get the F# out of here. These trained professionals hurt their backs all the time trying to move other people's loved ones.

It's one thing to argue that it is a lot of work, and it is reasonable to outsource a lot of it. It's another to argue that you cannot clean the butt of the person you love, but others can. What kind of love is that?

See above. We all have our boundaries.
What kind of love is it that you insist on your spouse wiping your butt while you are sick? Is wiping butts a love language now?

Once again, people with no experience with this fancy themselves experts.