ill spouse

[Anonymous]

It is always amazing to me how people who have never been in a situation of this nature are experts on how they would handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My mother developed multiple sclerosis at 26, a few years after she started seeing my father. He has been taking good care of her for the past 44 years.

Here's the thing with debilitating chronic disease: it does something to the patient. They need to psychologically protect themselves from the fact that they are a burden to their caretakers. So they can become self-centered, demanding, and unwilling to sympathize with their caretakers' troubles. This is an unconscious and natural development, but it can be tough to manage.

+1

Living this right now. Our marriage has never been great, but now it is downright unbearable.

My heart goes out to you

[Anonymous]

I can't figure out if the people criticizing spouses who leave chronically ill and abusive spouses are themselves chronically ill and abusive spouses or very young romantics who have not seen anything hard yet in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe in, the vows of "in sickness and in health".
Ultimately it's your life and how you choose to deal with a dying spouse. But lets not fool ourself by calling it a gray area. Instead it's being a weasel.

May it never happen to you. I hope you find the strength of your convictions if it does.

Ill spouse = Giving up all your dreams. $$$ problems. Probably no sex, no sleep, little affection. If you had a promising career, say goodbye to it. Your kids will basically be reared by a single parent (hello, that's you). You will end up making all hard decisions by yourself. You will have nobody to rely on but yourself. Spouse, if illness is the long and incurable chronic kind, will end up resentful, jealous and self-centered.
I do not fault the previous poster for having found solace with someone else and I even think his wife probably understood.

Yet many wives in the same position do not do this.

I am the wife in this position, and I am considering doing this. There have been underlying issues in the marriage for many years, and the circumstances of the chronic illness or exacerbating issues that were already there.

Just divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question: If you got married but then your spouse got ill with an incurable disease....is it understandable to leave that spouse in any capacity?

I do not want to judge because I have never had to deal with this myself but something that happened to a family member.

Basically you are in a lifetime sentence of caretaking and never being able to fully live out YOUR own life or the LIFE you imagine with a healthy spouse.


Any thoughts?

Cut 'em loose and get your party on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question: If you got married but then your spouse got ill with an incurable disease....is it understandable to leave that spouse in any capacity?

I do not want to judge because I have never had to deal with this myself but something that happened to a family member.

Basically you are in a lifetime sentence of caretaking and never being able to fully live out YOUR own life or the LIFE you imagine with a healthy spouse.


Any thoughts?

Cut 'em loose and get your party on!

And then hope that you don’t develop an illness and need someone’s help to take care of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe in, the vows of "in sickness and in health".
Ultimately it's your life and how you choose to deal with a dying spouse. But lets not fool ourself by calling it a gray area. Instead it's being a weasel.

May it never happen to you. I hope you find the strength of your convictions if it does.

Ill spouse = Giving up all your dreams. $$$ problems. Probably no sex, no sleep, little affection. If you had a promising career, say goodbye to it. Your kids will basically be reared by a single parent (hello, that's you). You will end up making all hard decisions by yourself. You will have nobody to rely on but yourself. Spouse, if illness is the long and incurable chronic kind, will end up resentful, jealous and self-centered.
I do not fault the previous poster for having found solace with someone else and I even think his wife probably understood.

Yet many wives in the same position do not do this.

I am the wife in this position, and I am considering doing this. There have been underlying issues in the marriage for many years, and the circumstances of the chronic illness or exacerbating issues that were already there.

Just divorce.

I would in a heartbeat, but for the kids. I don’t want the burden of caring for him to fall on them. They have their own lives to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My mother developed multiple sclerosis at 26, a few years after she started seeing my father. He has been taking good care of her for the past 44 years.

Here's the thing with debilitating chronic disease: it does something to the patient. They need to psychologically protect themselves from the fact that they are a burden to their caretakers. So they can become self-centered, demanding, and unwilling to sympathize with their caretakers' troubles. This is an unconscious and natural development, but it can be tough to manage.

+1

Living this right now. Our marriage has never been great, but now it is downright unbearable.

My heart goes out to you

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine divorced her spouse after he had a stroke at a youngish age. She's now remarried. I guess the "til death do us part" bit didn't matter to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine divorced her spouse after he had a stroke at a youngish age. She's now remarried. I guess the "til death do us part" bit didn't matter to her.

You know nothing about their marriage. Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine divorced her spouse after he had a stroke at a youngish age. She's now remarried. I guess the "til death do us part" bit didn't matter to her.

She had her reasons.
He probably wouldn't have stayed either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Just divorce.

I would in a heartbeat, but for the kids. I don’t want the burden of caring for him to fall on them. They have their own lives to live.

I am sorry. How old are your kids, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just divorce.

I would in a heartbeat, but for the kids. I don’t want the burden of caring for him to fall on them. They have their own lives to live.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry. How old are your kids, PP?

They are in high school - the older one is graduating next year, the younger is a junior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just divorce.

I would in a heartbeat, but for the kids. I don’t want the burden of caring for him to fall on them. They have their own lives to live.

I am sorry. How old are your kids, PP?

They are in high school - the older one is graduating next year, the younger is a junior.

[Anonymous]

I would take care of my DW if she came down with a terminal disease. Not sure she would do the same!! A little scary as I am 10 years older.