How terrible will it be to be away from my 1 year old daughter at Christmas? I am regretting things

[Anonymous]

It's not solo parenting if you are with the baby's grandparents who love taking care of her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are nuts. OP hasn't said his wife has any problems with the plan. I have no idea why you all assume she's upset - I would be fine with this. The OP's question was more along the line of whether he should try to push for his wife and daughter to come because he'll miss them (consensus - no). But he has not indicated that his wife has asked him or even hinted that she wants him to skip the reunion.

That's right.

I don't believe for a second that this woman is totally cool solo parenting her baby for a week at Christmas while her husband travels to see his own family. Do you know ANYONE who would be cool with that? Can you IMAGINE the other way around? The wife going to see her family at Christmas and leaving DH/baby home?? Inconceivable.

DP. That’s because you’re small-minded and have a limited social circle. Feel sorry for you.

Sorry you didn’t marry an active co parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are nuts. OP hasn't said his wife has any problems with the plan. I have no idea why you all assume she's upset - I would be fine with this. The OP's question was more along the line of whether he should try to push for his wife and daughter to come because he'll miss them (consensus - no). But he has not indicated that his wife has asked him or even hinted that she wants him to skip the reunion.

That's right.

I don't believe for a second that this woman is totally cool solo parenting her baby for a week at Christmas while her husband travels to see his own family. Do you know ANYONE who would be cool with that? Can you IMAGINE the other way around? The wife going to see her family at Christmas and leaving DH/baby home?? Inconceivable.

DP. That’s because you’re small-minded and have a limited social circle. Feel sorry for you.

Sorry you didn’t marry an active co parent.

I would bet that my husband is a more active co-parent than yours. You don’t have to be attached at the hip to co-parent, don’t you know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is one of those situations that everyone thinks they’re cool with now, but when the reality of it arrives, someone will realize they’re not. Most likely it will be your wife, and then it’ll become one of those things that always hangs over you marriage a little bit, the year you bailed on Christmas with your wife and baby.

You’re projecting your own insecurities on OP’s wife. It was her idea. Does that blow your mind?

[Anonymous]

#1 at Christmas:
Your immediate family: your spouse and kid

#2
Anyone who is not your immediate family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your plan the way it is. You’ll be able to spend a wonderful holiday with your extended family without having to accommodate a baby’s needs and schedule. Your wife can relax at home with the baby and celebrate Christmas with her family. You can Skype every day.

+1 and I am DW.
I would totally prefer to spend Christmas with my baby and parents rather than traveling abroad with 1 y.o. to see ILs or staying home with unhappy DH.
Have to add that we are atheists and Christmas is just another holiday.

Yeah... and if I convince her to go, and we get stuck in an airport after cancelled/delayed flights.. she will be blaming me for making her change her mind.

I might just try to have our first Christmas together as a family before I go and try to have a positive attitude about not having to worry about a baby for a week ...

I do feel some resentment toward her though for skipping this reunion. We see her family for literally every holiday.....

This is where I don’t like your attitude OP.
Either stay home with her or keep plans as they are. Our infants would get an ear infection or cold every time we traveled at such a young age. And as cute as your family finds the baby no one is going to help your wife out unless I’m mistaken and you will be helping with your baby?
This sounds like a Kennedy clan story. How many are still married to first wives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is one of those situations that everyone thinks they’re cool with now, but when the reality of it arrives, someone will realize they’re not. Most likely it will be your wife, and then it’ll become one of those things that always hangs over you marriage a little bit, the year you bailed on Christmas with your wife and baby.

You’re projecting your own insecurities on OP’s wife. It was her idea. Does that blow your mind?

DP. OP’s wife didn’t come up with the idea for OP’s family reunion. So my guess is he presented the trip as something he was doing, and when faced with either hauling the baby across the continent to solo parent in a hotel while OP was off with his family and staying home alone with the baby, she decided to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just keep your plan the way it is. You’ll be able to spend a wonderful holiday with your extended family without having to accommodate a baby’s needs and schedule. Your wife can relax at home with the baby and celebrate Christmas with her family. You can Skype every day.

+1 and I am DW.
I would totally prefer to spend Christmas with my baby and parents rather than traveling abroad with 1 y.o. to see ILs or staying home with unhappy DH.
Have to add that we are atheists and Christmas is just another holiday.

Yeah... and if I convince her to go, and we get stuck in an airport after cancelled/delayed flights.. she will be blaming me for making her change her mind.

I might just try to have our first Christmas together as a family before I go and try to have a positive attitude about not having to worry about a baby for a week ...

I do feel some resentment toward her though for skipping this reunion. We see her family for literally every holiday.....

This is where I don’t like your attitude OP.
Either stay home with her or keep plans as they are. Our infants would get an ear infection or cold every time we traveled at such a young age. And as cute as your family finds the baby no one is going to help your wife out unless I’m mistaken and you will be helping with your baby?
This sounds like a Kennedy clan story. How many are still married to first wives?

+1. OP knows this is a bad look, so he’s trying to find ways to blame his wife rather than owning his choices. Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty telling that the wife doesn't have the leave to go on this trip without pain but the husband does.

I wonder who takes leave when the baby is sick or daycare is closed.

I wonder how the answer to that reflects the distribution of responsibility for parenting in that family.

We share it 50/50. Her work's maternity leave wasn't great, so she used some of her vacation days to be able to stay home longer with the baby. Blame her employer and our society for not mandating more guaranteed maternity leave, not me. In Canada, most women are off of work for one year.

Mansplaining family leave! How delightful you are.

Yes, the U.S. should offer paid family leave, but it doesn't. What are you going to going to do so that your employer's better policies benefit your family and not just you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a big family gathering that I really shouldn't and don't want to miss and I already purchased a flight! So my options now are to waste my flight, buy another flight for my wife or change nothing about the plans

Good lord, this is a simple decision! What are you going to do if you ever have to make a life or death choice,! You buy a ticket for wife and a ticket for baby, because holding a kid on a flight is a major pain. Or, you eat cost of already purchased tickets and stay home. See how easy it is to decide.

[Anonymous]

Poor OP. He'll know better than to come to DCUM for advice next time.

FWIW, I think your plan is fine and you should let go of any resentment towards your wife for choosing not to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty telling that the wife doesn't have the leave to go on this trip without pain but the husband does.

I wonder who takes leave when the baby is sick or daycare is closed.

I wonder how the answer to that reflects the distribution of responsibility for parenting in that family.

We share it 50/50. Her work's maternity leave wasn't great, so she used some of her vacation days to be able to stay home longer with the baby. Blame her employer and our society for not mandating more guaranteed maternity leave, not me. In Canada, most women are off of work for one year.

Mansplaining family leave! How delightful you are.

Yes, the U.S. should offer paid family leave, but it doesn't. What are you going to going to do so that your employer's better policies benefit your family and not just you?

I do the majority of pickup/dropoff and doctor's appointments. When our daughter's daycare is closing for a week in June, who is taking off work? Me.

I know it's satisfying to come on here and bash random husbands because you hate your own, but this was a swing and a miss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Poor OP. He'll know better than to come to DCUM for advice next time.

FWIW, I think your plan is fine and you should let go of any resentment towards your wife for choosing not to attend.

Yeah, this thread helped me get to that point. I have dropped the negative feelings about it and will focus on having fun with my extended family.

[Anonymous]

And it only took 11 pages to get you to see that any resentment you have for your wife (YOUR words) is completely misdirected.
how about being upset at your family to have a Reunion at Christmas (WHO DOES THAT).
Who? Those who want to make damn sure they get the holiday and not the inlaws. Thats who.
I have a feeling your change of heart is less about you feeling badly missing your baby and more about your mom/family complaining your DW and child aren't coming to this 'reunion' they planned at Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And it only took 11 pages to get you to see that any resentment you have for your wife (YOUR words) is completely misdirected.
how about being upset at your family to have a Reunion at Christmas (WHO DOES THAT).
Who? Those who want to make damn sure they get the holiday and not the inlaws. Thats who.
I have a feeling your change of heart is less about you feeling badly missing your baby and more about your mom/family complaining your DW and child aren't coming to this 'reunion' they planned at Christmas.

I think it's fun to have Christmases together with extended family and I find a Christmas with just a couple and 1-2 kids to be not as fun. I have done it many times and some of my happiest memories are from those moments. You can share in the joy of many more presents being opened, many more kids being excited, let alone things like special games and activities together.

"make damn sure they get the holiday and not the inlaws. Thats who." - Huh?

No, this isn't true: "more about your mom/family complaining your DW and child aren't coming to this 'reunion' they planned at Christmas."

When I told them I was going without her, some said it's too bad and that's it. My negativity came from the thought of missing my baby.