How to explain to MIL why she doesn’t get to visit as much as my my mom does

[Anonymous]

So as long as your mother is your maid, she is welcome. MIL will not be your maid and is not welcome. Your DH should tell you where to go and that his mother can visit as often as your mother and that she is not you maid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM here thinking in a nutshell:

Post: my fit and wealthy parents don’t want to spend their time with their grandchildren; they want to live their own lives!
DCUM: this is so sad, they are so selfish. Grandchildren are so precious! Shame on them!

Post: my fat MIL wants to see her grandchildren more
DCUM: this is so sad, she is so selfish. She should live her own life and leave you alone to live yours. She can see the grandchildren when you want her to!

I am the OP of the wealthy grandparents thread and that is NOT how DCUM responded at all. They called me selfish, not the grandparents. Pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither your mother nor your MIL are servants. They’re family. Try looking at it that way.

Agree. Really, OP? Do you hear yourself?

[Anonymous]

NP.

While getting a "free maid service" (from grandma) is always welcome, I think that is just the added bonus and OP isn't specifically looking for it. My impression is that what OP likes most is to see the grandma actively engaging with OP's child(ren), hence building stronger bonding.

I would see a problem with OP's MIL because she sounds like the additional chore on top of the daily house chore OP has to take care of, instead of "an able body" taking care of themselves while staying at DIL's house (I take that OP is emotionally distanced herself from MIL due to her past behaviors and the constant criticism, so why would OP want to help MIL? Husband needs to step up here, isn't he not?). I would also want to see the "actively engaging with grand kid" grandma if the MIL so insists on "not spending enough time with the grand kid". But, unfortunately, it looks obvious that she is not "fit" to do that.

Agree with many previous posters that this is OP's husband job to reason with the MIL.