Intimate after date night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless husbands are total assholes I have trouble understanding women who don’t occasionally have sex even if they aren’t in the mood. My libido is lower than my DH’s, he’s a good partner and a great dad. Sometimes he’ll initiate and while I’m not in the mood I can “fake it till I make it.” I don’t fake orgasms but I can be an enthusiastic partner even if I’m not initially into it. I do it bc it’s important to him and I love him.

Even if the husband is an a-hole, how does that translate to a wife believing that not having sex with him is a good idea?

Presumably you married the guy with an awareness of his strengths and weaknesses, and presumably, sex was part of the marital understanding.

If your husband was being an a-hole, would that justify letting the kitchen garbage overflow, or letting the dog poop all over the couch, and not cleaning up after it?

"I'm not going to clean up that dog poop because my husband is an a-hole."

"I'm not going to empty the kitchen garbage can because my husband is an a-hole."

You're supposed to have sex with someone because in the first place you married them because you liked to have sex with them.

You shouldn't have married them if you didn't like to have sex with them.

If you never liked to have sex with them but pretended otherwise, why is that your partner's fault?

Are you being dense on purpose???

People get tired of f*cking the same person after a while but they don’t want to blow up their families/ruin their lives/ devastate their children.

It’s like you know nothing about how desire and excitement work.

Living with someone for 12 years is not a recipe for sexual excitement.

Look in the mirror honey.

If you find sex boring, the bore is most likely yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone in a similar situation to PP have a story for him of something that actually worked? Not what seems like it ought to work, but real life success stories? By similar situation, I think a couple of the critical variables are:

1. Kids are beyond toddler age. (So we know it's not just because little kids are exhausting & post-pregnancy hormones).

2. Long period of limited sex -- i.e. less than once a week.

3. Relationship is more than, say, 5 years (so we know that novelty isn't the solution).

We all know what happened.

OP is probably a nice enough guy but in his younger days probably didn't have a lot of dating or sexual options among women.

He met his wife and connected with her and she was probably one of the first, if not the very first, women that he was actually able to develop a long term relationship with.

The relationship progressed to the point where she laid down her own ultimatum of getting married so, having no better options, and finally getting sex on a more or less regular basis, he proposed.

She had her own issues and while she may have enjoyed the early sex that wasn't really why she wanted to marry him. He didn't really set her heart or her panties all aflutter.

But, he was a nice guy, had good career prospects, and she could see he would be a reliable family man who would take care of her and the kids she wanted to have.

In his mind, he finally hit the jackpot,and probably overlooked any flaws or misgivings.

In her mind, she "settled."

Op's wife never treated him as a full partner, because in her mind, he never really was. He was simply a vehicle she chose to carry out her imagined "life plan."

Now he is an annoying inconvenience pestering him for sex that she doesn't want to have with him, and never really did.

This story is repeated over and over and over and every word is true.

This isa so weird- writing a whole page on the desperation and disappointment that has been your life.

No, because my wife has sex with me on a regular basis.

She's not a warped a-hole who thinks it's a good idea to be in a sexless marriage and finds every reason she can to justify it.

She enjoys sex.

In other words, she's mentally healthy, and normal.

Unfortunately, OP is not going to hear from many emotionally healthy women on this message board, because their message of sanity will be drowned out by the sex-hating lunatic fringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never

Before or the next day usually.

Quid pro quo sex grosses me out.

Or just enjoying spending time together but ymmv.

[Anonymous]

Serious question for women - and I am one. If you’re in a generally happy marriage do you not have sex with your husband once or twice a week? If not, why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You’ve had 3 tries yet still have said nothing at all that is remotely useful (ie actionable). So you have offered nothing to “take”!! It’s not coercive sex for a wife who has a low libido, but loves her non-asshole husband, to say Yes once or twice per week. Many PP women have said exactly this. Sometimes a sexless wife needs a glimpse of her future (life as a divorced mom with no man around, less stable housing and finances, and forget about date nights !!! ) before she realizes that hey a nice orgasm might be fun maybe I could put down the iPad for a change.

Er...what? You say this like the rules of gravity don't apply to men! The sex-starved DH too will be a divorced man with less stable housing and finances, and if he gets custody, he can forget about date nights too, divorced men with children aren't exactly hot commodity you know. If he doesn't get custody, then he'll get the dubious pleasure of having no control over the way his children are raised. Let's not pretend divorce is painless for me - why else do so many of them stay you think?

Divorced men always upgrade sexually. Always.

Meh - if you weren’t good enough to keep your wife happy why would we want you?? Nah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You’ve had 3 tries yet still have said nothing at all that is remotely useful (ie actionable). So you have offered nothing to “take”!! It’s not coercive sex for a wife who has a low libido, but loves her non-asshole husband, to say Yes once or twice per week. Many PP women have said exactly this. Sometimes a sexless wife needs a glimpse of her future (life as a divorced mom with no man around, less stable housing and finances, and forget about date nights !!! ) before she realizes that hey a nice orgasm might be fun maybe I could put down the iPad for a change.

Er...what? You say this like the rules of gravity don't apply to men! The sex-starved DH too will be a divorced man with less stable housing and finances, and if he gets custody, he can forget about date nights too, divorced men with children aren't exactly hot commodity you know. If he doesn't get custody, then he'll get the dubious pleasure of having no control over the way his children are raised. Let's not pretend divorce is painless for me - why else do so many of them stay you think?

Divorced men always upgrade sexually. Always.

Sexually, perhaps, and lord knows the bar to upgrade over no sex is low, low, low. But you weren't arguing for a sexual upgrade, you were arguing that divorces hurt women with regard to housing, finances, and date nights, and my counterpoint was that all of that will apply to divorced men just as much. They too have to go live in an apartment you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question for women - and I am one. If you’re in a generally happy marriage do you not have sex with your husband once or twice a week? If not, why not?

We don't want it that often and prioritize sleep over it.

[Anonymous]

Men like OP and “open marriage” guy never realize that it’s not like women get tired of sex, period. They get tired of sex with them, specifically. It’s practically impossible to keep the butterfly/honeymoon stage going for decades.

That hot stranger on the street? Yeah he gets her going and she’d she’d jump him in a fantasy world with no repercussions.

In fact, she’s probably thinking of him the few times she does have sex with you.

OP here, I am not dense about this, I get it too. I would be fine with opening up the marriage, role playing, fantasies, if she wants me to pretend to be someone else, do something different, you name it I am game. She knows this.

[Anonymous]

The whole point of date night is that someone else puts my kids to bed (a chore I find draining). Nothing is sexier than not putting my kids to bed. Throw is a glass of wine and I think your wife is wrong. - also a 40yr old mom of 2 kids under 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question for women - and I am one. If you’re in a generally happy marriage do you not have sex with your husband once or twice a week? If not, why not?

We don't want it that often and prioritize sleep over it.

Maybe your husband will soon prioritize sleep too-with someone else, that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never

Before or the next day usually.

Quid pro quo sex grosses me out.

Or just enjoying spending time together but ymmv.

Expectations is not enjoying spending time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The whole point of date night is that someone else puts my kids to bed (a chore I find draining). Nothing is sexier than not putting my kids to bed. Throw is a glass of wine and I think your wife is wrong. - also a 40yr old mom of 2 kids under 5.

My H and I would sit down the street in our car until the kids were safely asleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question for women - and I am one. If you’re in a generally happy marriage do you not have sex with your husband once or twice a week? If not, why not?

Provided we are both healthy, at least that.

Why? Mostly because it’s entertaining, pleasurable, and cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question for women - and I am one. If you’re in a generally happy marriage do you not have sex with your husband once or twice a week? If not, why not?

We don't want it that often and prioritize sleep over it.

That’s fine, while he priortizes sex over monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question for women - and I am one. If you’re in a generally happy marriage do you not have sex with your husband once or twice a week? If not, why not?

We don't want it that often and prioritize sleep over it.

Maybe your husband will soon prioritize sleep too-with someone else, that is.

He'll have to learn to stay awake first, wouldn't he.