Why are other girls repelled by my daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her teachers and be open to what they say. They see her for hours a day and get a good sense of the dynamics between the kids.

I haven't read all the responses but I would second this. I would also ask a couple of the moms whose children have had play dates with your daughter, whomever you trust most, and ask for honest feedback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her teachers and be open to what they say. They see her for hours a day and get a good sense of the dynamics between the kids.

I haven't read all the responses but I would second this. I would also ask a couple of the moms whose children have had play dates with your daughter, whomever you trust most, and ask for honest feedback.

Please do not ask the moms. It is ok to gently ask the teachers but never the moms. Please do not expose your kid to negativity from the other parents.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think the answers are here and there are several things that you can do.

1) Find tons of activities and learning opportunities that allows her to find equally nerdy kids or interaction with adults. If nothing else, it keeps her occupied, engaged and learning - everything that will help her later.
2) Pay attention to her and your clothing style, grooming, smell etc. Try and blend in.
3) Discuss tactfully with teachers, not with other parents
4) Read Queen Bees and Wannabees and make your kid read it too. Discuss and identify how hive like the girls are behaving.
5) You get therapy about how to manage your anxiety and not transfer it to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the answers are here and there are several things that you can do.

1) Find tons of activities and learning opportunities that allows her to find equally nerdy kids or interaction with adults. If nothing else, it keeps her occupied, engaged and learning - everything that will help her later.
2) Pay attention to her and your clothing style, grooming, smell etc. Try and blend in.
3) Discuss tactfully with teachers, not with other parents
4) Read Queen Bees and Wannabees and make your kid read it too. Discuss and identify how hive like the girls are behaving.
5) You get therapy about how to manage your anxiety and not transfer it to her.

OP here. Oh my gosh, thank you for this. My mind is so jumbled. Seeing it listed like this is extremely helpful. I WILL follow this. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know she isnt HFA / Aspergers? Just curious

We've had her tested multiple times by reputable psychologists and psychiatrists.

You have had her tested multiple times for autism? A neuropsych evaluation costs 5k or 2 years on the waiting list under insurance. It is also ONLY performed by a neuropsychologist. Not by a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

I have a DC who was "tested" multiple times by psychologists and pediatricians for other things. I always asked about Aspergers and they always said no. What they should be required by law to say is "I am not qualified to form an opinion " because they are not. However, they did and said no. They were wrong and their ineptitude cost DC years of proper, targeted help.

You mention social problems and clumsiness. These are two red flags. Contact a neuropsychologist. Preferably one who specializes in girls and autism.

Sigh. There is no such thing as "Aspergers" anymore. Neuropsychs have realized that merely being clumsy and socially awkward is within the normal spectrum of humanity and does not mean that a person has a neurological disorder. So, as the OP stated, her child does not have autism. Now, that does not mean that her daughter would not clearly benefit from sort sort of social classes/therapy to help her out.

+1,000. Yes.

What an odd thread this is. Asperger's syndrome was a diagnosis until 4 or 5 years ago. It reads that pp was speaking of past events. Suddenly pp2 makes a bizarre conclusion about what neuropsychologists know and makes a definitive statement about OPs child?

This is one of the more bizarre interactions I've seen on dcmoms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know she isnt HFA / Aspergers? Just curious

We've had her tested multiple times by reputable psychologists and psychiatrists.

You have had her tested multiple times for autism? A neuropsych evaluation costs 5k or 2 years on the waiting list under insurance. It is also ONLY performed by a neuropsychologist. Not by a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

I have a DC who was "tested" multiple times by psychologists and pediatricians for other things. I always asked about Aspergers and they always said no. What they should be required by law to say is "I am not qualified to form an opinion " because they are not. However, they did and said no. They were wrong and their ineptitude cost DC years of proper, targeted help.

You mention social problems and clumsiness. These are two red flags. Contact a neuropsychologist. Preferably one who specializes in girls and autism.

Sigh. There is no such thing as "Aspergers" anymore. Neuropsychs have realized that merely being clumsy and socially awkward is within the normal spectrum of humanity and does not mean that a person has a neurological disorder. So, as the OP stated, her child does not have autism. Now, that does not mean that her daughter would not clearly benefit from sort sort of social classes/therapy to help her out.

+1,000. Yes.

What an odd thread this is. Asperger's syndrome was a diagnosis until 4 or 5 years ago. It reads that pp was speaking of past events. Suddenly pp2 makes a bizarre conclusion about what neuropsychologists know and makes a definitive statement about OPs child?

This is one of the more bizarre interactions I've seen on dcmoms

+1

[Anonymous]

Get her into drama or performance of some kind. It attracts quirky, nice kids.
She’s a late bloomer. Don’t sweat it.
Try playing with boys. Girls can be mean, and once you’re marked out, you’re out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the answers are here and there are several things that you can do.

1) Find tons of activities and learning opportunities that allows her to find equally nerdy kids or interaction with adults. If nothing else, it keeps her occupied, engaged and learning - everything that will help her later.
2) Pay attention to her and your clothing style, grooming, smell etc. Try and blend in.
3) Discuss tactfully with teachers, not with other parents
4) Read Queen Bees and Wannabees and make your kid read it too. Discuss and identify how hive like the girls are behaving.
5) You get therapy about how to manage your anxiety and not transfer it to her.

OP here. Oh my gosh, thank you for this. My mind is so jumbled. Seeing it listed like this is extremely helpful. I WILL follow this. Thank you.

Hi OP, The PP you quoted sums it up very nicely. I wish you so much good luck with finding the way forward for you and your DD. I hope things improve. There are some moms out here that are pulling for you both.

Sometime there are good things to be found on DCUM.

And you are a good and caring mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her teachers and be open to what they say. They see her for hours a day and get a good sense of the dynamics between the kids.

I haven't read all the responses but I would second this. I would also ask a couple of the moms whose children have had play dates with your daughter, whomever you trust most, and ask for honest feedback.

Please do not ask the moms. It is ok to gently ask the teachers but never the moms. Please do not expose your kid to negativity from the other parents.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think the answers are here and there are several things that you can do.

1) Find tons of activities and learning opportunities that allows her to find equally nerdy kids or interaction with adults. If nothing else, it keeps her occupied, engaged and learning - everything that will help her later.
2) Pay attention to her and your clothing style, grooming, smell etc. Try and blend in.
3) Discuss tactfully with teachers, not with other parents
4) Read Queen Bees and Wannabees and make your kid read it too. Discuss and identify how hive like the girls are behaving.
5) You get therapy about how to manage your anxiety and not transfer it to her.

OP here. Oh my gosh, thank you for this. My mind is so jumbled. Seeing it listed like this is extremely helpful. I WILL follow this. Thank you.

Hi OP, The PP you quoted sums it up very nicely. I wish you so much good luck with finding the way forward for you and your DD. I hope things improve. There are some moms out here that are pulling for you both.

Sometime there are good things to be found on DCUM.

And you are a good and caring mom.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Definitely don't ask the other moms. If your daughter has BO or something then they would never tell you. On the other hand, if their daughters are just being mean girls then they'd never tell you that either. So you will not get anything like accurate feedback from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know she isnt HFA / Aspergers? Just curious

We've had her tested multiple times by reputable psychologists and psychiatrists.

You have had her tested multiple times for autism? A neuropsych evaluation costs 5k or 2 years on the waiting list under insurance. It is also ONLY performed by a neuropsychologist. Not by a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

I have a DC who was "tested" multiple times by psychologists and pediatricians for other things. I always asked about Aspergers and they always said no. What they should be required by law to say is "I am not qualified to form an opinion " because they are not. However, they did and said no. They were wrong and their ineptitude cost DC years of proper, targeted help.

You mention social problems and clumsiness. These are two red flags. Contact a neuropsychologist. Preferably one who specializes in girls and autism.

Sigh. There is no such thing as "Aspergers" anymore. Neuropsychs have realized that merely being clumsy and socially awkward is within the normal spectrum of humanity and does not mean that a person has a neurological disorder. So, as the OP stated, her child does not have autism. Now, that does not mean that her daughter would not clearly benefit from sort sort of social classes/therapy to help her out.

Whoa! No!!!
Aspergers syndrome was relabeled High Functioning Autism. The diagnosis did not go away nor did "neuropsychs realize aspergers symptoms meant you are normal" whatever crazy gibberish this might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know she isnt HFA / Aspergers? Just curious

We've had her tested multiple times by reputable psychologists and psychiatrists.

You have had her tested multiple times for autism? A neuropsych evaluation costs 5k or 2 years on the waiting list under insurance. It is also ONLY performed by a neuropsychologist. Not by a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

I have a DC who was "tested" multiple times by psychologists and pediatricians for other things. I always asked about Aspergers and they always said no. What they should be required by law to say is "I am not qualified to form an opinion " because they are not. However, they did and said no. They were wrong and their ineptitude cost DC years of proper, targeted help.

You mention social problems and clumsiness. These are two red flags. Contact a neuropsychologist. Preferably one who specializes in girls and autism.

Sigh. There is no such thing as "Aspergers" anymore. Neuropsychs have realized that merely being clumsy and socially awkward is within the normal spectrum of humanity and does not mean that a person has a neurological disorder. So, as the OP stated, her child does not have autism. Now, that does not mean that her daughter would not clearly benefit from sort sort of social classes/therapy to help her out.

Whoa! No!!!
Aspergers syndrome was relabeled High Functioning Autism. The diagnosis did not go away nor did "neuropsychs realize aspergers symptoms meant you are normal" whatever crazy gibberish this might be.

The diagnosis did go away. Please do your research.

[Anonymous]

If she’s with the same kids year after year, that may be the primary issue. If she was a bit “younger” socially in ES, her classmates perceive her in a certain way even as she matured, and it’s hard to break out of that.

OP, would you describe your DD as “quirky?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how do you know she isnt HFA / Aspergers? Just curious

We've had her tested multiple times by reputable psychologists and psychiatrists.

You have had her tested multiple times for autism? A neuropsych evaluation costs 5k or 2 years on the waiting list under insurance. It is also ONLY performed by a neuropsychologist. Not by a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

I have a DC who was "tested" multiple times by psychologists and pediatricians for other things. I always asked about Aspergers and they always said no. What they should be required by law to say is "I am not qualified to form an opinion " because they are not. However, they did and said no. They were wrong and their ineptitude cost DC years of proper, targeted help.

You mention social problems and clumsiness. These are two red flags. Contact a neuropsychologist. Preferably one who specializes in girls and autism.

Sigh. There is no such thing as "Aspergers" anymore. Neuropsychs have realized that merely being clumsy and socially awkward is within the normal spectrum of humanity and does not mean that a person has a neurological disorder. So, as the OP stated, her child does not have autism. Now, that does not mean that her daughter would not clearly benefit from sort sort of social classes/therapy to help her out.

Whoa! No!!!
Aspergers syndrome was relabeled High Functioning Autism. The diagnosis did not go away nor did "neuropsychs realize aspergers symptoms meant you are normal" whatever crazy gibberish this might be.

The diagnosis did go away. Please do your research.

What part of this dont you understand?

"Anyone who had an Asperger syndrome diagnosis prior to 2013 is now considered to have Autism Spectrum Disorder."

https://www.verywellhealth.com/does-asperger-syndrome-still-exist-259944