Man wanting to dance with daughter

[Anonymous]

I have been where you are....When my DD was 11 or 12, a man who appeared to be in his mid 50's made a pass at her. Not at a party, but a coffee shop. I said, excuse me, but she is just a kid. He did not respond appropriately. I got in his face. Owner comes by and asks what is going on (I am a regular at the shop). I told him. Offender was banned (turns out he was also making harassing comments to the baristas).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

I totally don't agree. He touched her daughter. Once you lay hands on my kid, it's all over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your reaction was great! And your daughter knows if some creep grabs her like she can and should fight him off.
By the way, what he did to your daughter does qualify for a crime- assault, possibly low grade sexual assault.
Does that change anyone's mind about the "proper" response?

I’m completely team OP here, but...no. Grabbing someone’s arm is not sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Uff..people are crazy here. Is this entire country suffering from PTSD? People shut their mouths when a child is obviously in jeopardy but overreact when it is innocuous.

People ding teachers for hugging students but at the same time let pedophiles get away with a whole lot more. Can you not discern good intentions and bad intentions. Good touch and bad touch?

I think OP has scarred and shamed his DD more than the other person. OMG - so awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were at a friends house for a party and people were dancing. All adults were drinking and we knew most of the people there. At some point a grown man that we hadn’t met before the party approached our 11year old (who is clearly child and not developed at all). While she was engaged in her phone he asked if she wanted to dance and she said no. Then he proceeded to grab her arm and say, iIm not letting you go until you dance with me.

Long story short... I completely lost it.

Just wondering if my reaction was appropriate?

No. You over-reacted. Middle of plenty of people at a neighborhood event and a prepubescent girl, and you decide that’s the time to take a #metoo stand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been where you are....When my DD was 11 or 12, a man who appeared to be in his mid 50's made a pass at her. Not at a party, but a coffee shop. I said, excuse me, but she is just a kid. He did not respond appropriately. I got in his face. Owner comes by and asks what is going on (I am a regular at the shop). I told him. Offender was banned (turns out he was also making harassing comments to the baristas).

I think your scenario is different than OP's. While the drunk guy completely overstepped boundaries, I doubt he was actually "hitting on" OP's DD in front of OP, her dad, and a room full of other people he knew. OP sounds like he has anger management issues. He could have completely defended his DD and set the guy staight without being physical. As a teen, I would not have wanted to see my dad react in that way. OP should talk to his DD and get her perspective.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP that it would be valuable to get the daughter’s perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I don't think that the older guy was necessarily hitting on OP's DD. However, I don't think it matters. Once the man started grabbing the 11 year old to behave in the way he wanted, that was too far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I don't think that the older guy was necessarily hitting on OP's DD. However, I don't think it matters. Once the man started grabbing the 11 year old to behave in the way he wanted, that was too far.

Exactly. A stranger tried to restrain her and convince her to dance for his pleasure. That’s ok for some parents I guess, but I didn’t put all my energy into raising my daughter only to teach her to make herself uncomfortable to please men she doesn’t know. If more men would act like the OP, maybe the rape culture we live in could be a thing of the past.

[Anonymous]

Good job, dad! You taught her it is ok to say no, stand up to an adult, and say no to unwanted advances. Make sure you talk to her about all of the above and reinforce. Talk to her about what she thinks she would have done without you and what options she did have, in that moment. You were 100% in the right and have a real life situation to use as a teachable moment.

[Anonymous]

FWIW I think a shove is just fine. I've been wrestling for years and my 1st reaction is to grab, control wrists. But you know what? That's a pretty niche hobby/skill, it's not exactly a 1st instinct- the shove moves someone away fast when necessary.

I'm a mom, BTW, not a dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I don't think that the older guy was necessarily hitting on OP's DD. However, I don't think it matters. Once the man started grabbing the 11 year old to behave in the way he wanted, that was too far.

Exactly. A stranger tried to restrain her and convince her to dance for his pleasure. That’s ok for some parents I guess, but I didn’t put all my energy into raising my daughter only to teach her to make herself uncomfortable to please men she doesn’t know. If more men would act like the OP, maybe the rape culture we live in could be a thing of the past.

“Dance for his pleasure”...come on PP. This is why so many people feel like the Me Too movement is one big cry-wolf. You have zero idea, and most likely, there wasn’t anything sexual about this incident. Inappropriate, but not sexual. Please stop with the “dance for his pleasure” stuff like he was trying to force her into grinding out a lap dance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I don't think that the older guy was necessarily hitting on OP's DD. However, I don't think it matters. Once the man started grabbing the 11 year old to behave in the way he wanted, that was too far.

Exactly. A stranger tried to restrain her and convince her to dance for his pleasure. That’s ok for some parents I guess, but I didn’t put all my energy into raising my daughter only to teach her to make herself uncomfortable to please men she doesn’t know. If more men would act like the OP, maybe the rape culture we live in could be a thing of the past.

“Dance for his pleasure”...come on PP. This is why so many people feel like the Me Too movement is one big cry-wolf. You have zero idea, and most likely, there wasn’t anything sexual about this incident. Inappropriate, but not sexual. Please stop with the “dance for his pleasure” stuff like he was trying to force her into grinding out a lap dance.

NP here. Honest question -- why was she not allowed to say "no" and have that respected? What other reason, other than this guy just decided he wanted it that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I don't think that the older guy was necessarily hitting on OP's DD. However, I don't think it matters. Once the man started grabbing the 11 year old to behave in the way he wanted, that was too far.

Exactly. A stranger tried to restrain her and convince her to dance for his pleasure. That’s ok for some parents I guess, but I didn’t put all my energy into raising my daughter only to teach her to make herself uncomfortable to please men she doesn’t know. If more men would act like the OP, maybe the rape culture we live in could be a thing of the past.

“Dance for his pleasure”...come on PP. This is why so many people feel like the Me Too movement is one big cry-wolf. You have zero idea, and most likely, there wasn’t anything sexual about this incident. Inappropriate, but not sexual. Please stop with the “dance for his pleasure” stuff like he was trying to force her into grinding out a lap dance.

Um. That's exactly what this creep was doing: physically grabbing a child because he wanted her to dance at his command. You seem like a moron. You are publicly supporting a grown man touching a young girl in any way he likes and demanding she perform for him at his whim. That is what you and all the other "you overreacted" whiners on this thread are saying - and in almost all cases it's because you do this sort of thing yourself and what you're really reacting to is your own fear of being told you can't do it anymore. Yes, yes, call the waaaaahmubulance because now your feelings are hurt for being called out on it.

Go OP, thank you for being a standup guy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I don't think that the older guy was necessarily hitting on OP's DD. However, I don't think it matters. Once the man started grabbing the 11 year old to behave in the way he wanted, that was too far.

Exactly. A stranger tried to restrain her and convince her to dance for his pleasure. That’s ok for some parents I guess, but I didn’t put all my energy into raising my daughter only to teach her to make herself uncomfortable to please men she doesn’t know. If more men would act like the OP, maybe the rape culture we live in could be a thing of the past.

“Dance for his pleasure”...come on PP. This is why so many people feel like the Me Too movement is one big cry-wolf. You have zero idea, and most likely, there wasn’t anything sexual about this incident. Inappropriate, but not sexual. Please stop with the “dance for his pleasure” stuff like he was trying to force her into grinding out a lap dance.

No- I pray you aren’t raising kids.
I don’t think it was sexual, and it still doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have right to put his hands on her. She has the right to decide what she wants to do.