Man wanting to dance with daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the movie "A Time to Kill." When we see our kid was in distress, we tend to act differently than people who stand outside and think "it's not my kid, he's overreacting."

Don't question yourself, OP. You did great. If the guy just accosted her and not grabbed her arms, then you can tell him to go away. But when a stranger physically restrained your kid, it's time for action.

Proud of you.

Absolutely right. Be proud of yourself for protecting your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were at a friends house for a party and people were dancing. All adults were drinking and we knew most of the people there. At some point a grown man that we hadn’t met before the party approached our 11year old (who is clearly child and not developed at all). While she was engaged in her phone he asked if she wanted to dance and she said no. Then he proceeded to grab her arm and say, iIm not letting you go until you dance with me.

Long story short... I completely lost it.

Just wondering if my reaction was appropriate?

An adult putting their hands on my kid would bring out mama bear.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I don't think you understand what extroversion means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were at a friends house for a party and people were dancing. All adults were drinking and we knew most of the people there. At some point a grown man that we hadn’t met before the party approached our 11year old (who is clearly child and not developed at all). While she was engaged in her phone he asked if she wanted to dance and she said no. Then he proceeded to grab her arm and say, iIm not letting you go until you dance with me.

Long story short... I completely lost it.

Just wondering if my reaction was appropriate?

Yes you did the right thing and gave your DD the message that no means no! He sounds like a total creep to approach an 11 year old who doesn't know him. You're a great Mom.

OP is the dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t read all the posts. Who was this guy? Another dad?

So weird.

All OP said was that it was a man he didn't know, but seems to know of because he felt giving more details might "out" him, and that the host wife invited the guy and is the one put out that OP made a scene with this guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you acted appropriately of course depends on what precisely you did. All the people saying you were fine are making a lot of assumptions. That you may have lost friends indicates that you may have overreacted. Frankly, the absence of details in your post also suggests that you think you overreacted.

I don’t think I did... Let me just come out and say it. I basically pushed the guy away from her forcefully and said are you nuts?

Oh also it was pretty quickly over after that but we left immediately.

You get the Parent of the Month award.
Kudos to you for have the guts to do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whether you acted appropriately of course depends on what precisely you did. All the people saying you were fine are making a lot of assumptions. That you may have lost friends indicates that you may have overreacted. Frankly, the absence of details in your post also suggests that you think you overreacted.

I don’t think I did... Let me just come out and say it. I basically pushed the guy away from her forcefully and said are you nuts?

Oh also it was pretty quickly over after that but we left immediately.

You get the Parent of the Month award.
Kudos to you for have the guts to do the right thing.

*having

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority, but I do think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like he was drunk and being foolish/overly friendly. I would have simply placed myself between him and her, and said she doesn't want to dance, thanks anyway. If he didn't back off at that point, I might have pushed him though!

If she were older like 16 or 17 I could see this. I think the fact the dd is just 11 led her to respond the way she did.

I'd be more concerned if it were a 16 or 17 year old. I could see an overly friendly drunk guy thinking the 11 year old wasn't having fun at an adult party and trying to make her dance to have fun. Still completely inappropriate to grab her, but it could have been misguided trying to make her have fun. Maybe the other people at the party saw this was the situation and thought OP was getting caught up in the #METOO movement and overreacting. That could be the explanation of why she would lose friends. Having said that, OP, it's your daughter and you can protect her as you see fit.

Team OP. It is not a strange drunk man's responsibility to get a young tween girl to dance. It's none of his business. If my DD doesn't want to dance she is not going to placate some drunken fool so all the grown ups get to have fun and she doesnt. Mom taught DD No means no and the incredible strength of daring to go against the crowd/mood. I could care less about the poor adult male's hungover feelings the next day. Sure he meant no harm but Mom went with her gut instinct. Kudos to Mom.

It was dad, and getting physical in front of your kid in a situation like this was unnecessary. I absolutely think OP should have intervened if it appeared the right thing to do, but making a scene in front of his kid and others was not a good example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I think this is the most likely scenario. OP acted like an ass by getting physical if this is the case. Why could OP not convey his objection without resorting to physically pushing? I wouldn't want to have someone over to my house who can't control themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are assuming the man was hitting on an 11 year old? I would have assumed the guy was an extrovert trying to encourage the girl to participate. However, he should have known better than to pull on her arms, and I absolutely would have told him that was unacceptable. But I would not have touched him or yelled at him unless I truly thought he was hitting on her. I don't get that impression from OP's description, but maybe I'm wrong about that.

I think this is the most likely scenario. OP acted like an ass by getting physical if this is the case. Why could OP not convey his objection without resorting to physically pushing? I wouldn't want to have someone over to my house who can't control themselves.

Why wasn’t it enough that an 11yo girl told him no she didn’t want to dance yet he kept touching her and leaning over her on top of her seat?

Did you read the part where he was behaving similarly toward adult women before he moved on to the child after running out of women to try to drunkenly “encourage to participate?”

[Anonymous]

Without being there and witnessing it for our own self, it is hard to say what you did was right or wrong. I come from a culture where it is very normal for "uncles" and "aunties" to encourage kids to dance. In our circle, for any celebration, the dance floors are filled with all age groups - from toddlers to people using a cane.

I do not know what your trigger was, but if you are thinking that you overreacted then maybe you did? Hard for us to crowdsource advice you here.

[Anonymous]

Totally justified. I would have karate chopped him Miss Piggy style. Or maybe I'd have gone all Mrs. Weasley on him. I am a woman, and I guarantee you a guy creeping on my kid would be on the floor after grabbing my daughter. Good on ya, Dad.

[Anonymous]

Reposting because my other post had typos! I would have handled it more tactfully and EXCUSED her politely by saying you are leaving soon or you want her to meet your friend. Doubtful he would do something inappropriate in a setting like that. He was probably trying to get her off of her phone. You owe him and the host a party and while I am sure you had the best intentions I think people at the party will think you are in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Your reaction was great! And your daughter knows if some creep grabs her like she can and should fight him off.
By the way, what he did to your daughter does qualify for a crime- assault, possibly low grade sexual assault.
Does that change anyone's mind about the "proper" response?