Husband’s female coworker bought him a bottle of scotch, she won’t talk to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

+1 and don't think that because she's not his type or is fat and frumpy that would prevent anything from happening. It sounds like you trust him not to have an affair, but what about an emotional affair?

Op here. Thank you for this. I do trust him but I also can see how this could turn I to an emotional affair down the road hence why I brought up my feelings to him. With that said and with your knowledge of a guy, why do men seek emotional friends / emotional affairs in your opinion?

We have a very healthy sex life and marriage but it seems like every year or two he slowly becomes emotionally attached to some female at work. We also talk about his work often from his likings. He enjoys talking to me about his day and what goes on. We truly are great friends with great communication which is also why he told me right away about the gift.

But if we talk about life and work daily, are best friends and have a very healthy sex life why do these keep happening?

Thx

People develop friendships with their co-workers. Don’t get hung up by their gender. You sound hopelessly 1950’s and insecure. Maybe he wants to talk to a woman who does not think like Laura Pétri

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet were you raised where females in business are required to cozy up to the wives of their male colleagues?

We likely have little in common. I’m sure I’d chatter with you at a work event as common as his other colleagues. It’s a bottle of scotch. I’m not interested in you from a peer networking point of view. You are way overthinking all of this.

Oh hell no. A smart woman knows who butters her bread. Hint: It is not the husband.

Maybe if he was her boss. But he’s not.

They’re colleagues. There’s absolutely no need for this lady to waste time trying to connect with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet were you raised where females in business are required to cozy up to the wives of their male colleagues?

We likely have little in common. I’m sure I’d chatter with you at a work event as common as his other colleagues. It’s a bottle of scotch. I’m not interested in you from a peer networking point of view. You are way overthinking all of this.

Oh hell no. A smart woman knows who butters her bread. Hint: It is not the husband.

Maybe if he was her boss. But he’s not.

They’re colleagues. There’s absolutely no need for this lady to waste time trying to connect with his wife.

So you don’t try to meet and talk to your male colleagues wife ever or only if you are interested in that male colleague romantically? This has been asked before.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I would not be inviting the single chick to come hang out with me and my husband. That was a weird move. As far as the scotch, send a thank you note as suggested by another poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this coworker attractive?

Do you have to ask?

This whole thread -- catty note from first page included -- screams "I am insecure and feeling threatened."

Agree - if you are safe and secure in your marriage, this gift from the other woman is meaningless. My husband gets an occasional tie and shirt for xmas from women he works with. I am not at all threatened. I know my husband comes home to me at night.

Women don't buy their coworkers clothing items...

+1 Exactly. My ex used to come home every night too. His lunch breaks became the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

+1 and don't think that because she's not his type or is fat and frumpy that would prevent anything from happening. It sounds like you trust him not to have an affair, but what about an emotional affair?

Op here. Thank you for this. I do trust him but I also can see how this could turn I to an emotional affair down the road hence why I brought up my feelings to him. With that said and with your knowledge of a guy, why do men seek emotional friends / emotional affairs in your opinion?

We have a very healthy sex life and marriage but it seems like every year or two he slowly becomes emotionally attached to some female at work. We also talk about his work often from his likings. He enjoys talking to me about his day and what goes on. We truly are great friends with great communication which is also why he told me right away about the gift.

But if we talk about life and work daily, are best friends and have a very healthy sex life why do these keep happening?

Thx

People develop friendships with their co-workers. Don’t get hung up by their gender. You sound hopelessly 1950’s and insecure. Maybe he wants to talk to a woman who does not think like Laura Pétri

It is very normal for people to get friendly with their co-workers. The women he befriends are likely strong and independent...perhaps you should take a lesson from that. You sound like think your job is to "guard" your husband from those predatory female co-workers. It is not healthy if your whole identity revolves around him. Think about your life and your days. Make them more interesting and perhaps you were worry less about what your husband is doing at work.

[Anonymous]

She sounds socially awkward. Your husband needs to politely add some distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

+1 and don't think that because she's not his type or is fat and frumpy that would prevent anything from happening. It sounds like you trust him not to have an affair, but what about an emotional affair?

Op here. Thank you for this. I do trust him but I also can see how this could turn I to an emotional affair down the road hence why I brought up my feelings to him. With that said and with your knowledge of a guy, why do men seek emotional friends / emotional affairs in your opinion?

We have a very healthy sex life and marriage but it seems like every year or two he slowly becomes emotionally attached to some female at work. We also talk about his work often from his likings. He enjoys talking to me about his day and what goes on. We truly are great friends with great communication which is also why he told me right away about the gift.

But if we talk about life and work daily, are best friends and have a very healthy sex life why do these keep happening?

Thx

People develop friendships with their co-workers. Don’t get hung up by their gender. You sound hopelessly 1950’s and insecure. Maybe he wants to talk to a woman who does not think like Laura Pétri

It is very normal for people to get friendly with their co-workers. The women he befriends are likely strong and independent...perhaps you should take a lesson from that. You sound like think your job is to "guard" your husband from those predatory female co-workers. It is not healthy if your whole identity revolves around him. Think about your life and your days. Make them more interesting and perhaps you were worry less about what your husband is doing at work.

NP, I think that OP was right to be concerned. It’s strange that the co-worker would not make an effort to talk to the wife at all.
BTW, I’m a with out of home wife with a career. OP has a right to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this coworker attractive?

Do you have to ask?

This whole thread -- catty note from first page included -- screams "I am insecure and feeling threatened."

Agree - if you are safe and secure in your marriage, this gift from the other woman is meaningless. My husband gets an occasional tie and shirt for xmas from women he works with. I am not at all threatened. I know my husband comes home to me at night.

Women don't buy their coworkers clothing items...

+1 Exactly. My ex used to come home every night too. His lunch breaks became the issue.

WTF. I don't even buy my husband shirts and ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Without question, based on OP's latest post, there is definitely an emotional attachment by both sides going on. OP, you are a bit of a nervous person and a bit clueless, but you have every reason to be suspicious about this. Watch it closely.

Guy here, btw.

+1 and don't think that because she's not his type or is fat and frumpy that would prevent anything from happening. It sounds like you trust him not to have an affair, but what about an emotional affair?

Op here. Thank you for this. I do trust him but I also can see how this could turn I to an emotional affair down the road hence why I brought up my feelings to him. With that said and with your knowledge of a guy, why do men seek emotional friends / emotional affairs in your opinion?

We have a very healthy sex life and marriage but it seems like every year or two he slowly becomes emotionally attached to some female at work. We also talk about his work often from his likings. He enjoys talking to me about his day and what goes on. We truly are great friends with great communication which is also why he told me right away about the gift.

But if we talk about life and work daily, are best friends and have a very healthy sex life why do these keep happening?

Thx

People develop friendships with their co-workers. Don’t get hung up by their gender. You sound hopelessly 1950’s and insecure. Maybe he wants to talk to a woman who does not think like Laura Pétri

It is very normal for people to get friendly with their co-workers. The women he befriends are likely strong and independent...perhaps you should take a lesson from that. You sound like think your job is to "guard" your husband from those predatory female co-workers. It is not healthy if your whole identity revolves around him. Think about your life and your days. Make them more interesting and perhaps you were worry less about what your husband is doing at work.

NP, I think that OP was right to be concerned. It’s strange that the co-worker would not make an effort to talk to the wife at all.
BTW, I’m a with out of home wife with a career. OP has a right to be concerned.

No it isn't. I'm friendly with lots of people at work. I've met very few spouses. Usually because the spouse is in the office for some random reason like showing off a baby, delivering a lunch, picking them up, whatever. The three spouses I've met outside the office were because of: 1) retirement party 2) colleague was my friend before working with me 3) colleague and spouse lived in my neighborhood and delivered a plant to my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet were you raised where females in business are required to cozy up to the wives of their male colleagues?

We likely have little in common. I’m sure I’d chatter with you at a work event as common as his other colleagues. It’s a bottle of scotch. I’m not interested in you from a peer networking point of view. You are way overthinking all of this.

Oh hell no. A smart woman knows who butters her bread. Hint: It is not the husband.

Maybe if he was her boss. But he’s not.

They’re colleagues. There’s absolutely no need for this lady to waste time trying to connect with his wife.

Seriously, this. I’m not your household help. And even if he were her boss, this is still asinine assuming not a small family owned business. If it were up to me my husband would fire one of the people who works for him (competence issues) but he makes his own staffing decisions.

[Anonymous]

When you cross the line of work relationships and start inviting coworkers to social outings, the lines can get blurred. Either your husband is allowed to be social or he isn’t. You are sending very mixed messages by changing the game on both parties by inviting her out socially. Keep work at work. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet were you raised where females in business are required to cozy up to the wives of their male colleagues?

We likely have little in common. I’m sure I’d chatter with you at a work event as common as his other colleagues. It’s a bottle of scotch. I’m not interested in you from a peer networking point of view. You are way overthinking all of this.

Oh hell no. A smart woman knows who butters her bread. Hint: It is not the husband.

Maybe if he was her boss. But he’s not.

They’re colleagues. There’s absolutely no need for this lady to waste time trying to connect with his wife.

Seriously, this. I’m not your household help. And even if he were her boss, this is still asinine assuming not a small family owned business. If it were up to me my husband would fire one of the people who works for him (competence issues) but he makes his own staffing decisions.

So at a social event, where people have their spouses and you are acquainted with one of the pair, you wouldn't speak to the spouse? What barn were you raised in?

[Anonymous]

^exactly. If you’re at the work event and your colleague brings his wife, you won’t make an effort to introduce yourself and be pleasant for a short period?

Unless you have designs on that man, I don’t see how this is not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what planet were you raised where females in business are required to cozy up to the wives of their male colleagues?

We likely have little in common. I’m sure I’d chatter with you at a work event as common as his other colleagues. It’s a bottle of scotch. I’m not interested in you from a peer networking point of view. You are way overthinking all of this.

Oh hell no. A smart woman knows who butters her bread. Hint: It is not the husband.

Maybe if he was her boss. But he’s not.

They’re colleagues. There’s absolutely no need for this lady to waste time trying to connect with his wife.

So you don’t try to meet and talk to your male colleagues wife ever or only if you are interested in that male colleague romantically? This has been asked before.

Let me spell it out for you: I am not romantically interested in anyone at work. I do make an effort to network with both make and female colleagues. However I am not interested in making small talk with anyone’s spouse. Sure, I’ll be polite if we meet out at a work party or other work social event, but I don’t want you texting and calling me. That’s weird!

I would find it weird to get invited to dinner directly by a colleague’s spouse instead of my colleague. Especially because, my friendships at the office tend to be “work friends” - we like each other, we ask how our vacations were, we even go to happy hour together, but we’re not having one-on-one dinners with our families. If I got an invitation from a colleague’s spouse, I would decline, engage minimally and think “Wow. Larlo’s wife has zero boundaries!”