Husband’s female coworker bought him a bottle of scotch, she won’t talk to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send a thank you note for the scotch..."Thanks for the thoughtful gift! We enjoyed it on date night"

I was just going to say this, lol. Yep she's trying to hit on him, no doubt about it.

You think all she's trying to do with that is "hitting on him"? Eh, I am a guy and that is borderline obsessive. If it was just hitting on him, an expensive bottle of liquor would not be the gift of choice. Also, the fact that she's awkwardly not answering the OP's messages (which, btw, is weird to be doing - the messages) is another red flag.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so aware of the minutiae of your husband's work place?

I don't find this to be minutae. Kudos to OP's DW for being transparent about this. I'm sure he can see that this can escalate into inappropriateness so why not get in front of it?

Op here. That’s for your input. So you are thinking she is or she is not hitting on him? I also agree about this is not to be minutes. My usband loves talking to me about his work and everything that goes on. He was the one who told me about it that day. I am not worried about it so much but I guess keeping it on my radar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Perhaps she feels your husband is her go-to whenever she needs help, especially since she is new, and therefore she gravitates to him. She may be socially clueless enough, if unmarried, to forget to cozy up with the wife as well, so she may have no idea this is looking inappropriate.

Op here. I agree and have no problem with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send a thank you note for the scotch..."Thanks for the thoughtful gift! We enjoyed it on date night"

Perfection!

Op here. There is a work event tonight and I may thank her for thinking of him during that time. I am not bitchy in the slightest and not sure how to accomplish that. Maybe I’ll try to bring it up, maybe not and I may just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so aware of the minutiae of your husband's work place?

Do you not talk to your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was the weekend event you invited her to? I am a female in a male dominated field.

When I go to business dinners, I am going to be nice to the wives but I am really there to network with the men - I.e. my peers. If my colleague’s wife invited me to a social event I would feel weird about it. I socialize with coworkers outside of work sometimes or as couples, but not as a third wheel.

Op here. I totally agree and not thinking twice on this. I did offer just to be nice but also totally understand. No big deal. I guess I am just keeping an eye open since the bottle of liquor was gifted to him and no one else, ya know what I mean?

[Anonymous]

She doesn't know you and you reaching out comes off weird as hell.

Does your husband reach out to your colleagues to get together for random games? I'm betting not. He talks to his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bottle of scotch is not a very romantic gift. I'd probably keep an eye on things, but absent other red flags (do they text outside of work often, discuss personal things?), I'd let it go.

Yeah I agree. I have no idea if they text outside of work days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send a thank you note for the scotch..."Thanks for the thoughtful gift! We enjoyed it on date night"

Perfection!

Op here. There is a work event tonight and I may thank her for thinking of him during that time. I am not bitchy in the slightest and not sure how to accomplish that. Maybe I’ll try to bring it up, maybe not and I may just let it go.

Its strange that you're going at all but maybe your husband has one of those jobs that requires the wives/spouses to be seen at the networking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't know you and you reaching out comes off weird as hell.

Does your husband reach out to your colleagues to get together for random games? I'm betting not. He talks to his friends.

But b*tches gotta be reined in, you know? I'm only sliiiiightly joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't know you and you reaching out comes off weird as hell.

Does your husband reach out to your colleagues to get together for random games? I'm betting not. He talks to his friends.

Op here. Ehh. She is completely new to the area and we all get together with and without work. I asked my husband first and he said sure, that it was nice to invite her.

I agree that elsewhere and other work situations it would be quite awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send a thank you note for the scotch..."Thanks for the thoughtful gift! We enjoyed it on date night"

Perfection!

Op here. There is a work event tonight and I may thank her for thinking of him during that time. I am not bitchy in the slightest and not sure how to accomplish that. Maybe I’ll try to bring it up, maybe not and I may just let it go.

Its strange that you're going at all but maybe your husband has one of those jobs that requires the wives/spouses to be seen at the networking.

Omg. Op here. Yes all spouses are invited tonight. Relax. I am not just showing up at events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't know you and you reaching out comes off weird as hell.

Does your husband reach out to your colleagues to get together for random games? I'm betting not. He talks to his friends.

But b*tches gotta be reined in, you know? I'm only sliiiiightly joking.

Haha yes. Keep your enemies closer! Op here. Slightllttty joking as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't know you and you reaching out comes off weird as hell.

Does your husband reach out to your colleagues to get together for random games? I'm betting not. He talks to his friends.

But b*tches gotta be reined in, you know? I'm only sliiiiightly joking.

Haha yes. Keep your enemies closer! Op here. Slightllttty joking as well.

Op, you know what's up. Have fun handling your biz!

[Anonymous]

Listen to your gut.

[Anonymous]

The bottle of scotch is weird and inappropriate. Would be weird in any gender combination, but especially weird coming from a single coworker to a married coworker. Unless this is a workplace culture where this kind of gift is normal -- ie commission based, and he threw a commission her way, and this is a sort of tip?

You reaching out to invite her to a social event is likewise weird an inappropriate, and would weird me out as well.

Her appearing to cozy up to your DH at work events could be normal, or could be sign of a crush.

In any event, it's your ****DH'S**** job to navigate this if she has a crush on him. If you have to do some weird alpha-ing to fend her off, that's weird. And possibly inappropriate and harassing if she's actually innocent.

In conclusion: MYOB as far as contact with the coworker goes.