Husband’s female coworker bought him a bottle of scotch, she won’t talk to me

[Anonymous]

Ok help me understand the situation. My husband works with about ten others at his level including the only female. They do not see each other daily but numerous times throughout the week at meetings and events. She is fairly new to the group as of this summer and she just gave my husband an expensive bottle of scotch because he was having a hard day / week for his first time with his employees. Most of the other men have a harder time and she has never sent them anything nor does she seem to have that friendship with them.

Since she is new and never married or without kids I thought I would invite her to hang with us for a weekend event. She barely answered me and won’t speak to me really at all. She will however spend the most time at events with my husband. Sometimes she is the only one in attendance with him to elective events. am not upset at this but just thought i would try and be nice and include her. Honestly no big deal, but now I am starting to wonder about the scotch thing.

Do I need to read more into it or is this a no big deal and fairly common practice to do in the corporate world?

[Anonymous]

Send a thank you note for the scotch..."Thanks for the thoughtful gift! We enjoyed it on date night"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send a thank you note for the scotch..."Thanks for the thoughtful gift! We enjoyed it on date night"

Perfection!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send a thank you note for the scotch..."Thanks for the thoughtful gift! We enjoyed it on date night"

I was just going to say this, lol. Yep she's trying to hit on him, no doubt about it.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps she feels your husband is her go-to whenever she needs help, especially since she is new, and therefore she gravitates to him. She may be socially clueless enough, if unmarried, to forget to cozy up with the wife as well, so she may have no idea this is looking inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Don't send a note- it wasn't to you and you will look bad. If you trust your husband, laugh at it. No need to be nice to her (which isn't why you invited her in the first place, let's be real).

[Anonymous]

Why are you so aware of the minutiae of your husband's work place?

[Anonymous]

Yes a note is perfectly fine OP. Have your husband sign it for both of you, I'm sure he won't have a problem. A gift like that is to the "married couple" anyways.

[Anonymous]

What was the weekend event you invited her to? I am a female in a male dominated field.

When I go to business dinners, I am going to be nice to the wives but I am really there to network with the men - I.e. my peers. If my colleague’s wife invited me to a social event I would feel weird about it. I socialize with coworkers outside of work sometimes or as couples, but not as a third wheel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send a thank you note for the scotch..."Thanks for the thoughtful gift! We enjoyed it on date night"

I was just going to say this, lol. Yep she's trying to hit on him, no doubt about it.

You think all she's trying to do with that is "hitting on him"? Eh, I am a guy and that is borderline obsessive. If it was just hitting on him, an expensive bottle of liquor would not be the gift of choice. Also, the fact that she's awkwardly not answering the OP's messages (which, btw, is weird to be doing - the messages) is another red flag.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you so aware of the minutiae of your husband's work place?

I don't find this to be minutae. Kudos to OP's DW for being transparent about this. I'm sure he can see that this can escalate into inappropriateness so why not get in front of it?

[Anonymous]

She probably feels way more comfortable around your dh than you.

What is the context of the scotch gift? Was it like a bottle for dh to keep in his office for him and others to enjoy (like a communal bottle)? Was dh blindsided by it? Was it part of a joke or someone lost an office bet? Collateral for the office's fantasy football league?

What brand - let us decide on whether it's too expensive to an appropriate gift.

I dunno op. I feel like you're looking for something that's not there and just reading way too much into it all.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to send my husband bottle of scotch. I won't harass her about it and my husband is probably cuter than yours.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I wouldn't think too much about it. Some people are just quirky. I had a female co-worker who has OCD, and dealing with a lot in her life. Even though we are a couple of years apart, she saw me as a mentor, and there was no attraction at all between us. DW thought otherwise...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to send my husband bottle of scotch. I won't harass her about it and my husband is probably cuter than yours.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

A bottle of scotch is not a very romantic gift. I'd probably keep an eye on things, but absent other red flags (do they text outside of work often, discuss personal things?), I'd let it go.