How much free time is reasonable per day in this situation?

[Anonymous]

See his reaction. Acknowledge he won’t hang out with you and you will hang out w your child.

[Anonymous]

IP, you sound selfish. Put your kid to bed earlier so that your DH and you have more free time in the evenings. 9PM is too late. Unfair to your DH.

You only work 15 hours/week, and your kid is in preSchool, so you have free time when kid is at school. Don’t worry about your kid and your DH relationship. It’ll all work out if you butt out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't DH cut back his work hours and you work more in return?

OP here. That isn't practical because DH is a law firm partner and I make about $20 per hour. Just doesn't make sense. DH said he will never cut back his hours. He has been working these hours for the last 10 years.

My husband also works many hours and has never been anywhere close to an equal partner parent... but I knew that going in and planned accordingly. He makes a shit load of money. You only have one kid, put her to bed earlier, hire a cleaning lady, find some babysitters, and quit your job (if you really feel taxed). You have the money, throw it at the problem and fix it. This is part of the life you bought into when you married a law firm partner. Be thankful for the financial Security and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why doesn't DH cut back his work hours and you work more in return?

OP here. That isn't practical because DH is a law firm partner and I make about $20 per hour. Just doesn't make sense. DH said he will never cut back his hours. He has been working these hours for the last 10 years.

My husband also works many hours and has never been anywhere close to an equal partner parent... but I knew that going in and planned accordingly. He makes a shit load of money. You only have one kid, put her to bed earlier, hire a cleaning lady, find some babysitters, and quit your job (if you really feel taxed). You have the money, throw it at the problem and fix it. This is part of the life you bought into when you married a law firm partner. Be thankful for the financial Security and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, what was DH's position on having the kid in the first place? Was he enthusiastic about starting a family, or was he ambivalent but went along with it to make OP happy? This matters a lot here.

Not really.

Because once he committed to sex without birth control, he has a responsibility to be a father to the child he chose to create, even if he did it to make his wife quiet.

Not everyone has the same idea of what it means to be a father. There are LOTS of men AND women who think that the main function of the father is to be the provider. If that was the understanding between the wife and the husband going in, then she really has no place to complain.

Well, I feel perfectly entitled to say those men are shitty fathers. Kids need love more than money.

Sorry, but as a single parent who has, at times, struggled to put food on the table, I can tell you that kids need both. The fact that OP and her DH have divided up the responsibilities so that one parent primarily provides one, and the other parent provides the other isn't the way I'd necessarily do it, but their kid isn't deprived.

I think that dinner together whenever he's home, and a shared sports activity on the weekend is a great place to start. I'd figure out a way for the kid and DH to interact that isn't playing together on the floor. There are plenty of other things they can do I'd also set some limit on the kid's behavior and not brush it off as "well sometimes he's rude to DH". Finally, I'd figure out a way to get the kid to bed before DH goes to bed so that DH can play a role in the bedtime routine, and so that DH can catch his breath as opposed to being on every minute.

[Anonymous]

OP have you tried leaving your DH and DC alone in evening or weekend? They might bond better in your absence.