How much free time is reasonable per day in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, what was DH's position on having the kid in the first place? Was he enthusiastic about starting a family, or was he ambivalent but went along with it to make OP happy? This matters a lot here.

Not really.

Because once he committed to sex without birth control, he has a responsibility to be a father to the child he chose to create, even if he did it to make his wife quiet.

Not everyone has the same idea of what it means to be a father. There are LOTS of men AND women who think that the main function of the father is to be the provider. If that was the understanding between the wife and the husband going in, then she really has no place to complain.

[Anonymous]

And it's flat out unreasonable to expect someone who works 70 hours a week at a high-stress job to not want down time. No, you can't work that hard and then not have an opportunity to decompress in the evening or on the weekend.

Well, he plays a sport 2-3 nights a week and seems to have much if the weekend to himself. He seems unwilling to change his commute, so basically he wants to come home and not have to talk or interact with his family at all until he goes to sleep.

Sad that playing with his kid is work and not a form if decompression.

I have often worked 60 hours with travel, and am a solo parent 1 out of every 2-3 weeks. I don't have the Luxury of alone time u til my kids are in bed and usually I sleep then. I don't stay out 2-3 nights a week after bedtime for a hobby. I have a responsibility to my kids and even though we have a great babysitter and I have a spouse with a much more flexible job I don't expect him to do all the work.

Much of op's husband's schedule is a choice on his part, with little choice on hers. It's not surprising to me that folks like this get divorced. They are not putting effort or time in to their marriage or family. Money isn't the same as time or love and those of you acting like it's okay for this guy to neglect his kid because he's making big bucks, that's sad...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, what was DH's position on having the kid in the first place? Was he enthusiastic about starting a family, or was he ambivalent but went along with it to make OP happy? This matters a lot here.

Not really.

Because once he committed to sex without birth control, he has a responsibility to be a father to the child he chose to create, even if he did it to make his wife quiet.

It does matter. If he explicitly gave her the impression that he was all-in on becoming a father, then it's reasonable for her to be upset at the lack of relationship or bonding between them. If his attitude was 'whatever you want', then OP should not be surprised that he is less than enthusiastic about spending what is clearly for him important downtime with the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, what was DH's position on having the kid in the first place? Was he enthusiastic about starting a family, or was he ambivalent but went along with it to make OP happy? This matters a lot here.

Not really.

Because once he committed to sex without birth control, he has a responsibility to be a father to the child he chose to create, even if he did it to make his wife quiet.

Putting a roof over a kid's head, providing them with an education, feeding them, these things are at least as critical to being a parent as playing together on the floor. Right now this family has a division of labor where each parent is only doing part of the parenting. That seems to be something they agreed upon, but neither one is parenting more than the other.

[Anonymous]

A high income partner comes with certain sacrifices, just like a low income partner does. Deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread yet but agree with PP who said DS should go to bed earlier. If son wakes up early, he could spend some time with father in the morning. You could establish a nice breakfast routine and you and your husband would get some time in the evenings to spend together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, what was DH's position on having the kid in the first place? Was he enthusiastic about starting a family, or was he ambivalent but went along with it to make OP happy? This matters a lot here.

Not really.

Because once he committed to sex without birth control, he has a responsibility to be a father to the child he chose to create, even if he did it to make his wife quiet.

Putting a roof over a kid's head, providing them with an education, feeding them, these things are at least as critical to being a parent as playing together on the floor. Right now this family has a division of labor where each parent is only doing part of the parenting. That seems to be something they agreed upon, but neither one is parenting more than the other.

NP. This is nonsense. OP is absolutely doing most of the parenting; it sounds like he rarely spends time with his child. He could have chosen a less demanding, lower-paying job that allowed more time to spend with his family and on his hobbies, but he didn’t. Nothing can substitute for direct parental attention, especially not money. It’s sad you think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, haven't read the whole thread yet but agree with PP who said DS should go to bed earlier. If son wakes up early, he could spend some time with father in the morning. You could establish a nice breakfast routine and you and your husband would get some time in the evenings to spend together.

OP said DH has to be at his desk at 6 am. An earlier bedtime doesn’t really solve anything.

[Anonymous]

Is he a new partner?

I don’t know any lawyers who don’t log on at home.

Sorry, he sounds like he is not very into you or your child.

DH also has a very demanding job. He is one of the highest earners in his company. Dh rushes out to make it to sports practices. He may finish up at night but he prefers to go in super early. He has colleagues with kids who purposely stay at the office late to avoid bed time. This seems so sad to me. They earn half what DH earns but stay later even if they don’t have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, what was DH's position on having the kid in the first place? Was he enthusiastic about starting a family, or was he ambivalent but went along with it to make OP happy? This matters a lot here.

Not really.

Because once he committed to sex without birth control, he has a responsibility to be a father to the child he chose to create, even if he did it to make his wife quiet.

Not everyone has the same idea of what it means to be a father. There are LOTS of men AND women who think that the main function of the father is to be the provider. If that was the understanding between the wife and the husband going in, then she really has no place to complain.

Well, I feel perfectly entitled to say those men are shitty fathers. Kids need love more than money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he a new partner?

I don’t know any lawyers who don’t log on at home.

Sorry, he sounds like he is not very into you or your child.

DH also has a very demanding job. He is one of the highest earners in his company. Dh rushes out to make it to sports practices. He may finish up at night but he prefers to go in super early. He has colleagues with kids who purposely stay at the office late to avoid bed time. This seems so sad to me. They earn half what DH earns but stay later even if they don’t have to.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Some men get married, and have kids, and realize that it is not something they truly want. Instead of divorcing, they lead separate lives from their families. DCUM would crucify him if he chose to divorce her too.

I know a well off attorney who does this. He lives separately. Supports the family and dates and does what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the whole thread is OP divorced yet

Seriously they both clearly have so much contempt for each other (husband toward OP for her nonsense martyr schtick, OP toward husband for not thinking her martyr BS childcare tasks are worthy of his precious time) that there is no way this marriage survives the 2010s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a new partner?

I don’t know any lawyers who don’t log on at home.

Sorry, he sounds like he is not very into you or your child.

DH also has a very demanding job. He is one of the highest earners in his company. Dh rushes out to make it to sports practices. He may finish up at night but he prefers to go in super early. He has colleagues with kids who purposely stay at the office late to avoid bed time. This seems so sad to me. They earn half what DH earns but stay later even if they don’t have to.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Some men get married, and have kids, and realize that it is not something they truly want. Instead of divorcing, they lead separate lives from their families. DCUM would crucify him if he chose to divorce her too.

I know a well off attorney who does this. He lives separately. Supports the family and dates and does what he wants.

H9nestly, I would be concerned that he has another woman/life that he is maintaining during these "long work hours"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a new partner?

I don’t know any lawyers who don’t log on at home.

Sorry, he sounds like he is not very into you or your child.

DH also has a very demanding job. He is one of the highest earners in his company. Dh rushes out to make it to sports practices. He may finish up at night but he prefers to go in super early. He has colleagues with kids who purposely stay at the office late to avoid bed time. This seems so sad to me. They earn half what DH earns but stay later even if they don’t have to.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Some men get married, and have kids, and realize that it is not something they truly want. Instead of divorcing, they lead separate lives from their families. DCUM would crucify him if he chose to divorce her too.

I know a well off attorney who does this. He lives separately. Supports the family and dates and does what he wants.

H9nestly, I would be concerned that he has another woman/life that he is maintaining during these "long work hours"

All that work travel also now seems suspicious.

I would try to tag along, esp since it is summer. We go with dh to Florida, California Boston, anywhere interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a new partner?

I don’t know any lawyers who don’t log on at home.

Sorry, he sounds like he is not very into you or your child.

DH also has a very demanding job. He is one of the highest earners in his company. Dh rushes out to make it to sports practices. He may finish up at night but he prefers to go in super early. He has colleagues with kids who purposely stay at the office late to avoid bed time. This seems so sad to me. They earn half what DH earns but stay later even if they don’t have to.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Some men get married, and have kids, and realize that it is not something they truly want. Instead of divorcing, they lead separate lives from their families. DCUM would crucify him if he chose to divorce her too.

I know a well off attorney who does this. He lives separately. Supports the family and dates and does what he wants.

H9nestly, I would be concerned that he has another woman/life that he is maintaining during these "long work hours"

Winner, winner, chicken dinner again. That's how I met him.