Talk me out of an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:05 again. If it's not enough to just do the right thing, know this: if you have an affair, it will not end well, no matter how it goes. If one of you falls for the other, but it's not reciprocated - no good. If either of your spouses find out - no good. If you fall in love with each other and decide to divorce your respective spouses, you will always have guilt, and probably the scorn of more than a few people. There is no positive outcome from an affair, ultimately.

This. Exactly. You don't mention children, but if you have children, they will find out sooner or later and you will lose their respect for the rest of your life. And are you ready for friends, family, co-workers, etc. to whisper behind your back until the end of time that you are cheater? For scandal to follow you like a cloud? Many friends will have nothing to do with you once they know.

If you are truly happily married, then you cannot possibly inflict such pain on your husband. Yes, you are under the influence of dopamine now, and it is addictive the way it makes your mind think. You need to channel your energy toward your marriage. Talk to a priest, talk to a counselor. But there are NO good outcomes from an affair. Repeat after me: It is NEVER worth it if you truly care about the people (spouse + kids) that you are cheating on.

Honestly not a single person cares. Affairs are bad but in 2022 no one will care, not one person.

Maybe not to your face, but everyone is still talking about it and what a tramp and how many dudes you bang/ed behind D’s back. Gossip is flying around the studio as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:05 again. If it's not enough to just do the right thing, know this: if you have an affair, it will not end well, no matter how it goes. If one of you falls for the other, but it's not reciprocated - no good. If either of your spouses find out - no good. If you fall in love with each other and decide to divorce your respective spouses, you will always have guilt, and probably the scorn of more than a few people. There is no positive outcome from an affair, ultimately.

This. Exactly. You don't mention children, but if you have children, they will find out sooner or later and you will lose their respect for the rest of your life. And are you ready for friends, family, co-workers, etc. to whisper behind your back until the end of time that you are cheater? For scandal to follow you like a cloud? Many friends will have nothing to do with you once they know.

If you are truly happily married, then you cannot possibly inflict such pain on your husband. Yes, you are under the influence of dopamine now, and it is addictive the way it makes your mind think. You need to channel your energy toward your marriage. Talk to a priest, talk to a counselor. But there are NO good outcomes from an affair. Repeat after me: It is NEVER worth it if you truly care about the people (spouse + kids) that you are cheating on.

Honestly not a single person cares. Affairs are bad but in 2022 no one will care, not one person.

Nit true. But cheaters don't live in reality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:05 again. If it's not enough to just do the right thing, know this: if you have an affair, it will not end well, no matter how it goes. If one of you falls for the other, but it's not reciprocated - no good. If either of your spouses find out - no good. If you fall in love with each other and decide to divorce your respective spouses, you will always have guilt, and probably the scorn of more than a few people. There is no positive outcome from an affair, ultimately.

This. Exactly. You don't mention children, but if you have children, they will find out sooner or later and you will lose their respect for the rest of your life. And are you ready for friends, family, co-workers, etc. to whisper behind your back until the end of time that you are cheater? For scandal to follow you like a cloud? Many friends will have nothing to do with you once they know.

If you are truly happily married, then you cannot possibly inflict such pain on your husband. Yes, you are under the influence of dopamine now, and it is addictive the way it makes your mind think. You need to channel your energy toward your marriage. Talk to a priest, talk to a counselor. But there are NO good outcomes from an affair. Repeat after me: It is NEVER worth it if you truly care about the people (spouse + kids) that you are cheating on.

Honestly not a single person cares. Affairs are bad but in 2022 no one will care, not one person.

Nit true. But cheaters don't live in reality

When I moved into my new house I heard all the gossip about the prior owner who cheated on her husband and hence their divorce and sale of the house. People really liked her husband and any time her name is brought up her cheating history is mentioned by someone and how nasty she could be to him. Apparently she even banged her sister’s boyfriend after her affair fell apart.

Yes. People remember you by your cheating. Not exactly something I’d be proud to have as my legacy.

[Anonymous]

People judge women cheaters, but not men cheaters so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ Anyone can understand how cheating can happen. Sometimes it's a bad marriage, sometimes it's unresolved trauma, sometimes it's narcissism or insecurity and a need for validation, there are a million reasons but all start with a lack of boundaries. So yes, I can understand how it can happen, but I still lose respect for the person who does it. There is ALWAYS another choice - cheating doesn't somehow make it easier to leave than it was before the cheating. Cheating is always about the cheater.

It is not. I did not cheat but was in a sexless marriage where there was no sex for 7 years. I got divorced. But I would give anyone else a pass at cheating who was in that kind of situation (and others like severe mental illness, health issues, etc.) it is not always as simple as “it is always about the cheater”—that is just not true.

You have empathy and these other harpies do not.

[Anonymous]

My father cheated on my mother (leading to her severe depression and sickness) 20 years ago, and 20 years later, l still barely talk to him— only as minimally required for my children to know him (for them, not him). I was 20 something when it happened and destroyed my trust in all men (maybe a good thing?), people in general, and my ability to “know” who people are. I am team: cheating always ends in tragedy (for at least one of the parties).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:40+ years old?

Oh boy! Hormones like you will not believe. Check out DCUM for all related topics. Horniness, pining for someone, jonesing for someone....

This is definitely related.

At 37 I am like a teen girl again. It’s bizarre.

OP seriously go on vacation with your family for 2+ weeks. All kinds of craziness surrounding your life including your job and your crush on your coworker will sort of dissipate. You will begin to feel embarrassed that you were ever even thinking about them. I speak from experience.

Or you'll want to kill your family.

[Anonymous]

Ok. I got one. That guy may look like a delightful vacation to you, but he is definitely someone else's insufferable asshole.

Get yourself a new battery operated toy instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. I got one. That guy may look like a delightful vacation to you, but he is definitely someone else's insufferable asshole.

Get yourself a new battery operated toy instead.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father cheated on my mother (leading to her severe depression and sickness) 20 years ago, and 20 years later, l still barely talk to him— only as minimally required for my children to know him (for them, not him). I was 20 something when it happened and destroyed my trust in all men (maybe a good thing?), people in general, and my ability to “know” who people are. I am team: cheating always ends in tragedy (for at least one of the parties).

+1

You will destroy someone’s life for good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father cheated on my mother (leading to her severe depression and sickness) 20 years ago, and 20 years later, l still barely talk to him— only as minimally required for my children to know him (for them, not him). I was 20 something when it happened and destroyed my trust in all men (maybe a good thing?), people in general, and my ability to “know” who people are. I am team: cheating always ends in tragedy (for at least one of the parties).

This happened to me. I’m a shell of my former self and can’t find joy in anything. Life seems to have zero purpose now. I was a very happy, optimistic person prior and life of the party. I have social anxiety now too and triggers.

[Anonymous]

Sounds Familiar, that's how it started with my boss. That was over 18 years ago & we still see each other every now & then. DH doesn't know our oldest is his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds Familiar, that's how it started with my boss. That was over 18 years ago & we still see each other every now & then. DH doesn't know our oldest is his.

Oh 23&Me will blow your kid’s mind. He won’t be the first to learn his mother was a lying whore. So many adult kids finding this out nowadays. You deprive them of important medical information and bloodlines.

[Anonymous]

Sounds Familiar, that's how it started with my boss. That was over 18 years ago & we still see each other every now & then. DH doesn't know our oldest is his.

You are beyond evil, you are psychopathic. I hope your kid does 23andMe today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds Familiar, that's how it started with my boss. That was over 18 years ago & we still see each other every now & then. DH doesn't know our oldest is his.

Oh 23&Me will blow your kid’s mind. He won’t be the first to learn his mother was a lying whore. So many adult kids finding this out nowadays. You deprive them of important medical information and bloodlines.

That really f*cks with a kid's head. Learning your biological father isn't the one you thought it was and you are a half-sibling to everyone else in your family and have half siblings and aunts/uncles (not to mention dad) you have never met. It's really, incredibly shitty. About one of the worst things you can do. Does the fellow disgusting cheater guy even known this kid is his? Pretty sick he's okay with the ruse too.