Talk me out of an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:12:05 again. If it's not enough to just do the right thing, know this: if you have an affair, it will not end well, no matter how it goes. If one of you falls for the other, but it's not reciprocated - no good. If either of your spouses find out - no good. If you fall in love with each other and decide to divorce your respective spouses, you will always have guilt, and probably the scorn of more than a few people. There is no positive outcome from an affair, ultimately.

This. Exactly. You don't mention children, but if you have children, they will find out sooner or later and you will lose their respect for the rest of your life. And are you ready for friends, family, co-workers, etc. to whisper behind your back until the end of time that you are cheater? For scandal to follow you like a cloud? Many friends will have nothing to do with you once they know.

If you are truly happily married, then you cannot possibly inflict such pain on your husband. Yes, you are under the influence of dopamine now, and it is addictive the way it makes your mind think. You need to channel your energy toward your marriage. Talk to a priest, talk to a counselor. But there are NO good outcomes from an affair. Repeat after me: It is NEVER worth it if you truly care about the people (spouse + kids) that you are cheating on.

Honestly not a single person cares. Affairs are bad but in 2022 no one will care, not one person.

Maybe not to your face, but everyone is still talking about it and what a tramp and how many dudes you bang/ed behind D’s back. Gossip is flying around the studio as well.

Cheaters are delusional. Nobody ever forgets. It's one of those things people always remember about you. Of course, you wouldn't know that because you think it's no big deal to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Sounds Familiar, that's how it started with my boss. That was over 18 years ago & we still see each other every now & then. DH doesn't know our oldest is his.

You are beyond evil, you are psychopathic. I hope your kid does 23andMe today.

I assumed based on how the PP’s post was worded that was a troll response. Let’s hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Met someone last year through work, and fell for him gradually over the past few months as we realized how much we share in terms of interest, sense of humor, values, etc. He's super tall but not that good looking, so it's not physical infatuation for me (i.e. it's worse). We are both happily married. Last week, we went out for a dinner that was meant to be work-related, but we each had a couple of drinks, shared a dessert, laughed, talked about our lives, and accidentally touched hands at one point. Nothing more happened. Except that now I can't stop thinking about it, haven't eaten much in a week, and and am both hoping he never contacts me again and checking my phone for email and messages.

I have a great husband whom I love very much. I have never cheated on anyone and I've dated a lot and had my fair share of serious relationships before settling down. I've been tempted before and didn't have much trouble resisting. I think there is always a choice and a decision has to be made to cheat, but I'm finding it very hard to think rationally right now. I thought I would never be in a situation where I couldn't stop thinking about someone, especially while in a fulfilling marriage. This feels like some sort of drug that I can't come down from. Please help me regain rational thought.

Imagine you and your crush fighting over money, and imagine your DH having the same experience as you are but he's having it with another woman. What would you want him to do, proceed to meet the other woman or control himself and focus on you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sounds Familiar, that's how it started with my boss. That was over 18 years ago & we still see each other every now & then. DH doesn't know our oldest is his.

You are beyond evil, you are psychopathic. I hope your kid does 23andMe today.

I assumed based on how the PP’s post was worded that was a troll response. Let’s hope.

This is why I say genetic testing should be required at the birth of each and every child by law.

[Anonymous]

OP here with an epilogue to this thread: we had to spend another two days together at a work event. We had a few work related chats with some longish eye contact but kept our distance and were never alone with each other. We texted at the end of the event to say bye. In retrospect, I do think addressing it made us really face who we were as people and thankfully we both independently came to the same conclusions. I won't lie that it's been an easy couple of days, but I am glad we are on the other side and I definitely feel less "crazy" now.

Thanks to so many of you for the pep talks and sharing your experiences. It really did help pull me back from the ledge, twice.

[Anonymous]

Lemme guess... you are between 39 and 49 yrs old? Amirite?

What you are in is a decade long hormonal rollercoaster that will make you horny like a teenage boy. You are going to want romance and sex like never before and yearn for a connection with the most inappropriate and unlikely person. You might go looking for it in the darkest places too. Let me give you a piece of advice...do not act on this zombie horniness. Turn this attention towards your DH and you will reap benefits for the rest of your life.

In the meanwhile, your Rx - Lelo Gigi 3x a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lemme guess... you are between 39 and 49 yrs old? Amirite?

What you are in is a decade long hormonal rollercoaster that will make you horny like a teenage boy. You are going to want romance and sex like never before and yearn for a connection with the most inappropriate and unlikely person. You might go looking for it in the darkest places too. Let me give you a piece of advice...do not act on this zombie horniness. Turn this attention towards your DH and you will reap benefits for the rest of your life.

In the meanwhile, your Rx - Lelo Gigi 3x a day.

Lol thank you!

I was not in that demographic when I started this thread but I am now! Honestly, the weirdest thing was that this was not even primarily sexual on my end, we genuinely clicked in a weirdly familiar way.

I have always had a high drive but have never been tempted in this way before. DH and I are a pretty good match all around, which definitely helps.

[Anonymous]

Think about taking a lie detector test in front of your DH. You could lose everything if you lie. The question is have you ever cheated?

[Anonymous]

Why would you hurt and betray your nice husband and family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about taking a lie detector test in front of your DH. You could lose everything if you lie. The question is have you ever cheated?

Read the thread before posting, perhaps... But since Oh probably won't: no, I have not.

[Anonymous]

Most affairs do not end happily or even satisfactorily for anyone involved. And they go beyond the two people involved. There is usually a lot of collateral damage. Broken marriage, broken homes, broken vows. People find out and outwardly it's ignored, accepted, tolerated.... but inside I will never respect my affair-having parent the way I used to. I will always believe he was a good man "except".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about taking a lie detector test in front of your DH. You could lose everything if you lie. The question is have you ever cheated?

Read the thread before posting, perhaps... But since Oh probably won't: no, I have not.

You want us to read your drivel you posted 5 years ago to understand your update? No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about taking a lie detector test in front of your DH. You could lose everything if you lie. The question is have you ever cheated?

Read the thread before posting, perhaps... But since Oh probably won't: no, I have not.

You want us to read your drivel you posted 5 years ago to understand your update? No one cares.

Huh? Why would you post a reply to a thread you haven't read? You're the one who replied. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most affairs do not end happily or even satisfactorily for anyone involved. And they go beyond the two people involved. There is usually a lot of collateral damage. Broken marriage, broken homes, broken vows. People find out and outwardly it's ignored, accepted, tolerated.... but inside I will never respect my affair-having parent the way I used to. I will always believe he was a good man "except".

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about taking a lie detector test in front of your DH. You could lose everything if you lie. The question is have you ever cheated?

Read the thread before posting, perhaps... But since Oh probably won't: no, I have not.

You want us to read your drivel you posted 5 years ago to understand your update? No one cares.

And yet you still felt the need to click on this thread and even comment on it.