Please take a moment and look at all of the DH sucks-related threads right now

[Anonymous]

I am a woman and I agree that this is disturbing. Why do so many women complain instead of taking action. This is common for women in the Middle East, but why America?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Same can be said for women though. Deep down we're upset that men can't live up to the standards and provide enough for us so that we can stay home and raise our children the way our Grandfathers did.

Grandpa and grandma had a 900 square foot house. You cool with that?

Mine is 980.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well. Women wanted these sensitive, metro sexual men in touch with their feelings. This is what you get..worthless, lacking ambition weak men.

More to the point, judging by the threads, divorce rate and sexless marriages posted about here, there is little reason men see the benefits of marriage. There are great women out there...not many are found in DC or posting on this forum though

When I read this I think of some sensitive guy with a beard. You know, the type who call someone a soulmate. I cannot believe women want these men. You see them all over the place. Those super skinny urban nerds who have the fanny packs.

Unbelievable bullshit. Sometimes I feel like there's a contingent of posters here who don't actually have social interaction. Your posts describe caricatures of people, stereotypes that exist solely to make you foam at the mouth on the internet. I'm one of the PPs whose husband pulls equal weight at home. He is the opposite of a sensitive beardo type. Also, metrosexual? Has anyone used that word since 2002? My husband is allergic to feelings, physically and mentally tough, and his hobbies are golf and beer. He doesn't have to be emotionally sensitive or whatever nonsense you're banging on about in order to cook a meal, scrub a toilet, and shush a crying baby. Which he does. Because he isn't lazy and selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case, my husband is clueless about how to parent children, manage a household, manage a family, or take care of a house property or vehicles. All he knows how to do is kiss ass at the office and work 60+ hours a week.

Just like his mother taught him: his job then was to get good grades (no sports). She took care of everything, his father was just a bumbling around in the background w a slow and easy research job.

I am sorry your husband is not pulling his weight at home. Did you ignore signs that he would turn out this way when you were dating or did you miss them. I am not judging, just trying to understand how you ended up with such a bad fit of a spouse for you(some women love workaholics who do nothing else- I have a friend whose husband is like this and she thinks it is cool).

We met in grad school. Which was a breeze for him and he focused on me and had a very social roommate, etc.
I could tell he was a workaholic but we also shared many of the same values. We discussed religion, family, etc. He had a SAHM growing up and a type of nutty professor father.
I sensed he was short in life experiences and never judged people, but I thought he could learn.

I was wrong. Things were fine until kid number two- that is what I hit the wall. I couldn't work full time, raise two little kids, manage a house and yard, plan anything and take care of him and his incessant messes (banever picked up after himself). I could no longer cover for him and he now has to step up and contribute more than jay a paycheck and more than sitting around in his iPhone waiting for to be told exactly what to do, when, and how. He is likely stressed out at work and bringing home that exhaustion and zero family mind share.

[Anonymous]

Men are atrocious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my case, my husband is clueless about how to parent children, manage a household, manage a family, or take care of a house property or vehicles. All he knows how to do is kiss ass at the office and work 60+ hours a week.

Just like his mother taught him: his job then was to get good grades (no sports). She took care of everything, his father was just a bumbling around in the background w a slow and easy research job.

Were you clueless about this when you married him? Or, did you think you could change him once the rings were exchanged?

I'm not defending this poster in terms of workaholic hours but sometimes when people meet in grad/law school I've seen this happen. You don't know at 25 what your first few jobs will be like. Will you end up in big law, as a lobbyist, at a non-profit with stable hours, being a partner, opening up your own firm, working for the government etc. Once you have kids it can be like a game of chicken, of who is willing to make changes in his/her career first. Usually, especially if the man is bringing in the money, the woman ends up staying at home. That said, I've seen guys that have high powered jobs still coach their kids teams. Or at a minimum clearly take on their share of the kid stuff during the weekend.

But for the clueless part, he is only as clueless as you allow him to be. I feel if someone can be an Executive and manage office politics, multi-million dollar budgets, in addition to whatever is the core business of his group (is it a mission to Pluto, changing health care laws, creating the latest gadget), oh and travel around the country for work, surely he can change a diaper and get junior to soccer practice. What would he do if you had to go away for two weeks? He would have to learn ...may not be how you would do it, but he would ask someone else how, Google, trial and error, whatever but figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it sink in. What's happening in our world?

Women are unhappy and insecure and never look in the mirror. Who is the most logical target for their blame?

[Anonymous]

Comparents of either gender are becoming viewed as less necessary. If I'm a mom who earns my own salary and does the lion's share of family support, I may not feel I need to put up with a DH who makes life worse rather than better (in whatever way). Same for men who both earn salaries and are more connected to their children and communities, and rely less on their wives for this than a generation ago.

Male or female, if an adult can take care of his or her professional, financial, child and community needs,
There are higher standards for staying with a difficult spouse. It is less of a hurdle, for both men and women, to leave a marriage. So, not surprising that adults also expressed more dissatisfaction with their spouses, and consider leaving. It's just gotten easier.

[Anonymous]

I truly love these threads. They remind me that every time I think my DH is a loser I realize he is a winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it sink in. What's happening in our world?

Women are unhappy and insecure and never look in the mirror. Who is the most logical target for their blame?

+1

Men= paycheck, to women who hate themselves. Boy are they in for a horrible surprise!

[Anonymous]

At what point of a marriage are you truly tested as a team? How does DH hold up then-- is he a true partner or does he hope someone else shows up to run his show?

Think about when you really to count on him - you are ill, you are injured, you have to be fine a week, you have two little ones and busy work lives. Can you count on him or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Comparents of either gender are becoming viewed as less necessary. If I'm a mom who earns my own salary and does the lion's share of family support, I may not feel I need to put up with a DH who makes life worse rather than better (in whatever way). Same for men who both earn salaries and are more connected to their children and communities, and rely less on their wives for this than a generation ago.

Male or female, if an adult can take care of his or her professional, financial, child and community needs,
There are higher standards for staying with a difficult spouse. It is less of a hurdle, for both men and women, to leave a marriage. So, not surprising that adults also expressed more dissatisfaction with their spouses, and consider leaving. It's just gotten easier.

Agree. I'm sick of the deadweight, and setbacks due to his ignorance, negligence, lack of effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I truly love these threads. They remind me that every time I think my DH is a loser I realize he is a winner.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take it from an old timer here - you are busy because you want to be busy. Someone told this to me years ago and I thought they were totally off their rocker. As it turns out, they are right. Being busy is a CHOICE. You can rearrange your life to not be so busy. You don't have to keep up with the Joneses. You don't have to be in the rat race. You are CHOOSING to live your life this way. This takes a very long time to understand. But once you do, you can begin to peel back the layers and make changes that work for you and your family.

This is good advice. Anything else you can impart on us? Maybe start a s/o thread? I love getting advice from been there, done that aged people.

Haha thanks! I am glad as an "aged" person, I can impart some wisdom. Seriously, this is something that took me a very long time to realize. I placed so much importance on being Superwoman - for my husband, my kids, my career, my home, my friendships, etc. etc. etc. Being busy was a hallmark of how Super I was. But I realized it was making me crazy and causing my family so much stress. We have learned to really pull back from the expectations that have been set out and do what is right for our family.

PS I also love getting advice from BTDT people on here - I have truly learned a lot from this forum and I think all of the people for sharing their experiences and perspectives!

So did you downsize your home and stop working? Curious what the true cure for business, marital resentment and a sucky DH is.

No - similar to what a PP said - we worked/saved like crazy from graduation day to the day our first child was born, bought our house in a top school district and have never traded up since then. It was a nice house even then but not outrageously nice like it could've been if we traded up, like many of our friends have since done. We made that house decision willingly so we would be free to travel, aggressively save for retirement/college, life a nice day-to-day lifestyle, etc. Similar to PP, we also drive non-luxury brand cars.

But these days, it's hard to find an affordable house in a good school district that would allow you to live more simply. A lot of us aren't working so much to keep up with the Joneses, it's just to pay our bills.

It is not actually necessary to live in a house. Expectations are high now.

Also, regarding the difficulty of affording to live in a good school district -- this is how things "progress" in this kind of economic system. These issues were always vexing those in the bottom socio-economic tiers. The prosperity of the post WWII decades shrank those tiers but was never sustainable. Now those tiers are getting wider and wider, and instead of trying to change the system, most people are responding to the stress by competing to be among the last ones to be swept under. And they are preparing their kids to live similarly stressed lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let it sink in. What's happening in our world?

Men suck. They've always sucked. Back in the day when most women stayed at home, it was a given that they'd be responsible for the majority of the household and child rearing burden. In our current society women are now expected to work full time but STILL shoulder the lions share of those duties. It's a joke. My two cents.

This. We've been scammed!

Yep!!!