I hate the other woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a justifiable immediate emotional response to someone who knowingly takes part in destroying your family. We should lay full blame and focus our negative emotions on the husband for his actions, but we can still hate that another woman was selfish and nasty enough to do something that she knew would hurt us and our children.

It is impossible to destroy a family. The family had been long destroyed by the time the OW showed up. The cheated-on spouses often fail to see that the wreck of a family they have is not functional anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a justifiable immediate emotional response to someone who knowingly takes part in destroying your family. We should lay full blame and focus our negative emotions on the husband for his actions, but we can still hate that another woman was selfish and nasty enough to do something that she knew would hurt us and our children.

But SHE wasn't the one hurting you. It was DH. You're in the relationship with HIM.

Oh please. If you do things that hurt others, even indirectly, you have still hurt them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a justifiable immediate emotional response to someone who knowingly takes part in destroying your family. We should lay full blame and focus our negative emotions on the husband for his actions, but we can still hate that another woman was selfish and nasty enough to do something that she knew would hurt us and our children.

It is impossible to destroy a family. The family had been long destroyed by the time the OW showed up. The cheated-on spouses often fail to see that the wreck of a family they have is not functional anymore.

Once a third party triangulated in whatever mess the primary relationship was in, there's no salvaging it. Grow up and have courage to end it before that point rather than using the OW as an exit strategy.

And if you're the OW and care about your guy, make a better choice, because clearly your guy isn't, and insist that he cleans up his mess before you get involved. If its that great, let everyone leave with dignity.

If you are the OW and over the age of 25, you're well aware of all the complications, all the crap, all the pain, all the complications. We aren't talking about an innocent ignorant participant. We're talking about a participant who is aware, but doesn't give a shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a justifiable immediate emotional response to someone who knowingly takes part in destroying your family. We should lay full blame and focus our negative emotions on the husband for his actions, but we can still hate that another woman was selfish and nasty enough to do something that she knew would hurt us and our children.

It is impossible to destroy a family. The family had been long destroyed by the time the OW showed up. The cheated-on spouses often fail to see that the wreck of a family they have is not functional anymore.

\

Why does this remind me of, "she was asking for it"? Just because (fill in the blank) doesn't mean it's OK to poach someone else's spouse.

"what God has joined together, let no one put asunder". Isn't that what they say during a marriage ceremony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a justifiable immediate emotional response to someone who knowingly takes part in destroying your family. We should lay full blame and focus our negative emotions on the husband for his actions, but we can still hate that another woman was selfish and nasty enough to do something that she knew would hurt us and our children.

It is impossible to destroy a family. The family had been long destroyed by the time the OW showed up. The cheated-on spouses often fail to see that the wreck of a family they have is not functional anymore.

Once a third party triangulated in whatever mess the primary relationship was in, there's no salvaging it. Grow up and have courage to end it before that point rather than using the OW as an exit strategy.

And if you're the OW and care about your guy, make a better choice, because clearly your guy isn't, and insist that he cleans up his mess before you get involved. If its that great, let everyone leave with dignity.

If you are the OW and over the age of 25, you're well aware of all the complications, all the crap, all the pain, all the complications. We aren't talking about an innocent ignorant participant. We're talking about a participant who is aware, but doesn't give a shit.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a justifiable immediate emotional response to someone who knowingly takes part in destroying your family. We should lay full blame and focus our negative emotions on the husband for his actions, but we can still hate that another woman was selfish and nasty enough to do something that she knew would hurt us and our children.

It is impossible to destroy a family. The family had been long destroyed by the time the OW showed up. The cheated-on spouses often fail to see that the wreck of a family they have is not functional anymore.

\

Why does this remind me of, "she was asking for it"? Just because (fill in the blank) doesn't mean it's OK to poach someone else's spouse.

"what God has joined together, let no one put asunder". Isn't that what they say during a marriage ceremony?

I thought it was 'let no whore put asunder".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.

I have read some of the post on this thread.. It is easy to judge, but it really is not fair because it is impossible that any two situations involving someone married and an affair with someone else is the same exact situation.


I am a DH involved with an OW. We are both married and have kids. Neither of us had "cheated" before our relationship. I have been married for over 20 years. For me, it has been a lonely marriage. Very little affection and very little sex. My DW and I have not had sex in over 10 years. I kept hoping my marriage would get better. I got in shape... I help out a lot around the house... I am a very active Dad... I tried different romantic initiatives.. I tried having conversations with her to discuss the issues... I suggested that we seek counseling... Nothing helped. My DW seems happy to just be co-parent roommates. It is very possible that my DW is asexual. But even asexual people show affection towards other people. My DW has no issue showing real affection to our kids. My life had become a lonely one. About 3 years ago, I tried to wake my DW up.. I had several conversations with her... And she didn't really seem to get it. She would not go to counseling... She didn't seem to understand how I just wanted my basic human needs met. I finally came to the realization that my marriage will never be what I need it to be. So I started thinking about an exit strategy. This is when I unexpectedly became involved with someone else. It was someone that I had known. We started talking about life and we just connected in so many different ways. We have become very good friends. We talk about everything. We know about each other's lives. We provides each other the compassion, the support, the affection, the close friendship and more that we both had been missing on our lonely marriages. She is the first person that I want to share things with... good news.. bad news.. etc. If I was not married... I would want to marry her asap and spend the rest of my life with her. But we are both trapped in lonely marriages with kids. There is no easy way to end two marriages without hurting people that we care about. Please keep in mind.. I do not hate my DW.. I just do not want to be married to her.

So when I finally ask for a divorce... It should not be a surprise... but my DW might be in denial and acted surprised. And if the OW that I love and I start a public relationship... Will my current DW blame my OW for the divorce? My DW had over 20 years to be more than a roommate. I have told her several times that I am not happy. And she has never tried to counter that she is a good wife. My DW will hate the OW, but if the OW becomes my new DW... then my STBX will have to learn how to co-parent with her.

So OP.. I do not know the details of your relationship with your DW... but there may have been warning signs that you overlooked. If you have kids and your xDH marries the OW.. you need to get over it for the sake of the kids.


About

What about your fucking kids, Loser?

[Anonymous]

I think both parties in an affair are to blame, not just the OW. Both of them know they are destroying a marriage and can't claim to be unaware. Its not a mistake as is often claimed, its a conscious decision, which is never justified.

You want out? Fine. Get divorced first. Then bang the woman with the loose morals. See if she is really all that when she is your real girlfriend, not the dirty little secret.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if the OW will find the cheating husband so hot when she has to pick up his dirty underwear and watch him fall asleep snoring in his armchair? It might save a few marriages if the wife and the OW swapped places for a month or two...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.

I have read some of the post on this thread.. It is easy to judge, but it really is not fair because it is impossible that any two situations involving someone married and an affair with someone else is the same exact situation.


I am a DH involved with an OW. We are both married and have kids. Neither of us had "cheated" before our relationship. I have been married for over 20 years. For me, it has been a lonely marriage. Very little affection and very little sex. My DW and I have not had sex in over 10 years. I kept hoping my marriage would get better. I got in shape... I help out a lot around the house... I am a very active Dad... I tried different romantic initiatives.. I tried having conversations with her to discuss the issues... I suggested that we seek counseling... Nothing helped. My DW seems happy to just be co-parent roommates. It is very possible that my DW is asexual. But even asexual people show affection towards other people. My DW has no issue showing real affection to our kids. My life had become a lonely one. About 3 years ago, I tried to wake my DW up.. I had several conversations with her... And she didn't really seem to get it. She would not go to counseling... She didn't seem to understand how I just wanted my basic human needs met. I finally came to the realization that my marriage will never be what I need it to be. So I started thinking about an exit strategy. This is when I unexpectedly became involved with someone else. It was someone that I had known. We started talking about life and we just connected in so many different ways. We have become very good friends. We talk about everything. We know about each other's lives. We provides each other the compassion, the support, the affection, the close friendship and more that we both had been missing on our lonely marriages. She is the first person that I want to share things with... good news.. bad news.. etc. If I was not married... I would want to marry her asap and spend the rest of my life with her. But we are both trapped in lonely marriages with kids. There is no easy way to end two marriages without hurting people that we care about. Please keep in mind.. I do not hate my DW.. I just do not want to be married to her.

So when I finally ask for a divorce... It should not be a surprise... but my DW might be in denial and acted surprised. And if the OW that I love and I start a public relationship... Will my current DW blame my OW for the divorce? My DW had over 20 years to be more than a roommate. I have told her several times that I am not happy. And she has never tried to counter that she is a good wife. My DW will hate the OW, but if the OW becomes my new DW... then my STBX will have to learn how to co-parent with her.

So OP.. I do not know the details of your relationship with your DW... but there may have been warning signs that you overlooked. If you have kids and your xDH marries the OW.. you need to get over it for the sake of the kids.


About

What about your fucking kids, Loser?

It is both fortunate and unfortunate that my kids understand my DW and her issues. They are great kids. If it was not for them... I would have left my marriage sooner. It is because of them that I tried to "make it work". The downside of divorce would be me not beening as active in their life as I have been on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.

I have read some of the post on this thread.. It is easy to judge, but it really is not fair because it is impossible that any two situations involving someone married and an affair with someone else is the same exact situation.


I am a DH involved with an OW. We are both married and have kids. Neither of us had "cheated" before our relationship. I have been married for over 20 years. For me, it has been a lonely marriage. Very little affection and very little sex. My DW and I have not had sex in over 10 years. I kept hoping my marriage would get better. I got in shape... I help out a lot around the house... I am a very active Dad... I tried different romantic initiatives.. I tried having conversations with her to discuss the issues... I suggested that we seek counseling... Nothing helped. My DW seems happy to just be co-parent roommates. It is very possible that my DW is asexual. But even asexual people show affection towards other people. My DW has no issue showing real affection to our kids. My life had become a lonely one. About 3 years ago, I tried to wake my DW up.. I had several conversations with her... And she didn't really seem to get it. She would not go to counseling... She didn't seem to understand how I just wanted my basic human needs met. I finally came to the realization that my marriage will never be what I need it to be. So I started thinking about an exit strategy. This is when I unexpectedly became involved with someone else. It was someone that I had known. We started talking about life and we just connected in so many different ways. We have become very good friends. We talk about everything. We know about each other's lives. We provides each other the compassion, the support, the affection, the close friendship and more that we both had been missing on our lonely marriages. She is the first person that I want to share things with... good news.. bad news.. etc. If I was not married... I would want to marry her asap and spend the rest of my life with her. But we are both trapped in lonely marriages with kids. There is no easy way to end two marriages without hurting people that we care about. Please keep in mind.. I do not hate my DW.. I just do not want to be married to her.

So when I finally ask for a divorce... It should not be a surprise... but my DW might be in denial and acted surprised. And if the OW that I love and I start a public relationship... Will my current DW blame my OW for the divorce? My DW had over 20 years to be more than a roommate. I have told her several times that I am not happy. And she has never tried to counter that she is a good wife. My DW will hate the OW, but if the OW becomes my new DW... then my STBX will have to learn how to co-parent with her.

So OP.. I do not know the details of your relationship with your DW... but there may have been warning signs that you overlooked. If you have kids and your xDH marries the OW.. you need to get over it for the sake of the kids.


About

What about your fucking kids, Loser?

It is both fortunate and unfortunate that my kids understand my DW and her issues. They are great kids. If it was not for them... I would have left my marriage sooner. It is because of them that I tried to "make it work". The downside of divorce would be me not beening as active in their life as I have been on a daily basis.

BEST COMMENT ON DCUM EVER!

Buddy, your kids are going to hate your fucking guts. You cheated on their mom. You feel no shame. You are completely duplicitous.

You are a piece of shit and your kids will hate you. Someday they will look you in the eye and say, "Why didn't you just divorce mom and be honest and set us free?" Enjoy your family time now because the clock is ticking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.

I have read some of the post on this thread.. It is easy to judge, but it really is not fair because it is impossible that any two situations involving someone married and an affair with someone else is the same exact situation.


I am a DH involved with an OW. We are both married and have kids. Neither of us had "cheated" before our relationship. I have been married for over 20 years. For me, it has been a lonely marriage. Very little affection and very little sex. My DW and I have not had sex in over 10 years. I kept hoping my marriage would get better. I got in shape... I help out a lot around the house... I am a very active Dad... I tried different romantic initiatives.. I tried having conversations with her to discuss the issues... I suggested that we seek counseling... Nothing helped. My DW seems happy to just be co-parent roommates. It is very possible that my DW is asexual. But even asexual people show affection towards other people. My DW has no issue showing real affection to our kids. My life had become a lonely one. About 3 years ago, I tried to wake my DW up.. I had several conversations with her... And she didn't really seem to get it. She would not go to counseling... She didn't seem to understand how I just wanted my basic human needs met. I finally came to the realization that my marriage will never be what I need it to be. So I started thinking about an exit strategy. This is when I unexpectedly became involved with someone else. It was someone that I had known. We started talking about life and we just connected in so many different ways. We have become very good friends. We talk about everything. We know about each other's lives. We provides each other the compassion, the support, the affection, the close friendship and more that we both had been missing on our lonely marriages. She is the first person that I want to share things with... good news.. bad news.. etc. If I was not married... I would want to marry her asap and spend the rest of my life with her. But we are both trapped in lonely marriages with kids. There is no easy way to end two marriages without hurting people that we care about. Please keep in mind.. I do not hate my DW.. I just do not want to be married to her.

So when I finally ask for a divorce... It should not be a surprise... but my DW might be in denial and acted surprised. And if the OW that I love and I start a public relationship... Will my current DW blame my OW for the divorce? My DW had over 20 years to be more than a roommate. I have told her several times that I am not happy. And she has never tried to counter that she is a good wife. My DW will hate the OW, but if the OW becomes my new DW... then my STBX will have to learn how to co-parent with her.

So OP.. I do not know the details of your relationship with your DW... but there may have been warning signs that you overlooked. If you have kids and your xDH marries the OW.. you need to get over it for the sake of the kids.


About

What about your fucking kids, Loser?

It is both fortunate and unfortunate that my kids understand my DW and her issues. They are great kids. If it was not for them... I would have left my marriage sooner. It is because of them that I tried to "make it work". The downside of divorce would be me not beening as active in their life as I have been on a daily basis.

It is really revolting that you are giving OP some advice here.

Go away, you are a terrible human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.

I have read some of the post on this thread.. It is easy to judge, but it really is not fair because it is impossible that any two situations involving someone married and an affair with someone else is the same exact situation.


I am a DH involved with an OW. We are both married and have kids. Neither of us had "cheated" before our relationship. I have been married for over 20 years. For me, it has been a lonely marriage. Very little affection and very little sex. My DW and I have not had sex in over 10 years. I kept hoping my marriage would get better. I got in shape... I help out a lot around the house... I am a very active Dad... I tried different romantic initiatives.. I tried having conversations with her to discuss the issues... I suggested that we seek counseling... Nothing helped. My DW seems happy to just be co-parent roommates. It is very possible that my DW is asexual. But even asexual people show affection towards other people. My DW has no issue showing real affection to our kids. My life had become a lonely one. About 3 years ago, I tried to wake my DW up.. I had several conversations with her... And she didn't really seem to get it. She would not go to counseling... She didn't seem to understand how I just wanted my basic human needs met. I finally came to the realization that my marriage will never be what I need it to be. So I started thinking about an exit strategy. This is when I unexpectedly became involved with someone else. It was someone that I had known. We started talking about life and we just connected in so many different ways. We have become very good friends. We talk about everything. We know about each other's lives. We provides each other the compassion, the support, the affection, the close friendship and more that we both had been missing on our lonely marriages. She is the first person that I want to share things with... good news.. bad news.. etc. If I was not married... I would want to marry her asap and spend the rest of my life with her. But we are both trapped in lonely marriages with kids. There is no easy way to end two marriages without hurting people that we care about. Please keep in mind.. I do not hate my DW.. I just do not want to be married to her.

So when I finally ask for a divorce... It should not be a surprise... but my DW might be in denial and acted surprised. And if the OW that I love and I start a public relationship... Will my current DW blame my OW for the divorce? My DW had over 20 years to be more than a roommate. I have told her several times that I am not happy. And she has never tried to counter that she is a good wife. My DW will hate the OW, but if the OW becomes my new DW... then my STBX will have to learn how to co-parent with her.

So OP.. I do not know the details of your relationship with your DW... but there may have been warning signs that you overlooked. If you have kids and your xDH marries the OW.. you need to get over it for the sake of the kids.


About

What about your fucking kids, Loser?

It is both fortunate and unfortunate that my kids understand my DW and her issues. They are great kids. If it was not for them... I would have left my marriage sooner. It is because of them that I tried to "make it work". The downside of divorce would be me not beening as active in their life as I have been on a daily basis.

Your kids understand your WIFE'S issues?

Your issues are scary. Your poor kids. Next time, get divorced, and then find your fuck buddy.

[Anonymous]

BEST COMMENT ON DCUM EVER!

Buddy, your kids are going to hate your fucking guts. You cheated on their mom. You feel no shame. You are completely duplicitous.

You are a piece of shit and your kids will hate you. Someday they will look you in the eye and say, "Why didn't you just divorce mom and be honest and set us free?" Enjoy your family time now because the clock is ticking.





This is RIDICULOUS. My dad cheated on my mom. Was that cool? No, but I don't hate him. Neither do my siblings. My mom was a tough pill to swallow. She certainly didn't deserve that, but he didn't deserve a lot of the crap she dished out either. Kids know when marriages don't work and, if they are old enough, they have an idea of which role each parent played. Kids also know when one parent lets anger/grief/revenge consume them. Yeah, it makes sense that some time is needed to process and be angry, but when years are spent on this it does as much damage as the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: BEST COMMENT ON DCUM EVER!

Buddy, your kids are going to hate your fucking guts. You cheated on their mom. You feel no shame. You are completely duplicitous.

You are a piece of shit and your kids will hate you. Someday they will look you in the eye and say, "Why didn't you just divorce mom and be honest and set us free?" Enjoy your family time now because the clock is ticking.

This is RIDICULOUS. My dad cheated on my mom. Was that cool? No, but I don't hate him. Neither do my siblings. My mom was a tough pill to swallow. She certainly didn't deserve that, but he didn't deserve a lot of the crap she dished out either. Kids know when marriages don't work and, if they are old enough, they have an idea of which role each parent played. Kids also know when one parent lets anger/grief/revenge consume them. Yeah, it makes sense that some time is needed to process and be angry, but when years are spent on this it does as much damage as the divorce.
+1
I don't know why everyone keeps saying this.
I don't hate my dad. My Mom was tough to deal with. They're better apart. He didn't go about it the right way, but none of us (6 kids) hates him