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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There I said it.  Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way .......  What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy.   My marriage is finished.  While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish.  It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices.  He could have f'ing left.  And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband.  I hate the other woman.  So There.[/quote]

I have read some of the post on this thread..  It is easy to judge, but it really is not fair because it is impossible that any two situations involving someone married and an affair with someone else is the same exact situation.

I am a DH involved with an OW.  We are both married and have kids.  Neither of us had "cheated" before our relationship.  I have been married for over 20 years.  For me, it has been a lonely marriage.  Very little affection and very little sex.  My DW and I have not had sex in over 10 years.  I kept hoping my marriage would get better.  I got in shape... I help out a lot around the house...  I am a very active Dad... I tried different romantic initiatives.. I tried having conversations with her to discuss the issues... I suggested that we seek counseling...  Nothing helped.  My DW seems happy to just be co-parent roommates.   It is very possible that my DW is asexual.  But even asexual people show affection towards other people.  My DW has no issue showing real affection to our kids.  My life had become a lonely one.  About 3 years ago, I tried to wake my DW up..  I had several conversations with her... And she didn't really seem to get it.  She would not go to counseling... She didn't seem to understand how I just wanted my basic human needs met.  I finally came to the realization that my marriage will never be what I need it to be. So I started thinking about an exit strategy.   This is when I unexpectedly became involved with someone else.  It was someone that I had known.  We started talking about life and we just connected in so many different ways.  We have become very good friends.  We talk about everything.  We know about each other's lives.  We provides each other the compassion, the support, the affection, the close friendship and more that we both had been missing on our lonely marriages.  She is the first person that I want to share things with... good news.. bad news.. etc.  If I was not married... I would want to marry her asap and spend the rest of my life with her.  But we are both trapped in lonely marriages with kids.  There is no easy way to end two marriages without hurting people that we care about.  Please keep in mind.. I do not hate my DW.. I just do not want to be married to her.

So when I finally ask for a divorce... It should not be a surprise... but my DW might be in denial and acted surprised.  And if the OW that I love and I start a public relationship... Will my current DW blame my OW for the divorce?  My DW had over 20 years to be more than a roommate.   I have told her several times that I am not happy.  And she has never tried to counter that she is a good wife.   My DW will hate the OW, but if the OW becomes my new DW... then my STBX will have to learn how to co-parent with her.

So OP.. I do not know the details of your relationship with your DW... but there may have been warning signs that you overlooked.   If you have kids and your xDH marries the OW.. you need to get over it for the sake of the kids.

About

[/quote]

What about your fucking kids, Loser?[/quote]

It is both fortunate and unfortunate that my kids understand my DW and her issues.  They are great kids.  If it was not for them... I would have left my marriage sooner.  It is because of them that I tried to "make it work".  The downside of divorce would be me not beening as active in their life as I have been on a daily basis.  [/quote]

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