I hate the other woman

[Anonymous]

There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.

[Anonymous]

I hope others here will be able to help you! I don't blame you for hating both of them, but over time, it will be to your benefit to somehow stop hating them and move on.

[Anonymous]

I for one think you are entitled to feel that way. No use denying your feelings!
I would advise not staying in that space for too long though- it's a useless emotion to get stuck in and eventually only hurts you.

[Anonymous]

so sorry to hear about your situation and hope you feel better. Its normal to hate both of them and feel the grief and like PPs have said, acknowledge it. But its important for your own peace of mind and self esteem that you let go of it - it will only hurt you in the long run and make you miserable.

[Anonymous]

He'll cheat on her, too, OP.

[Anonymous]

I hear ya, OP. BTDT, too. In my case, the other woman was an escort -- that he fell in love with. Yuck -- on so many levels. I dumped him as soon as I found out. She dumped him shortly thereafter. I'll admit to taking some joy in that. How do you get dumped by someone that you are paying?? Brutal.

In my case, that hatred and anger dissipated as I realized how much better off I was without him. I get lonely sometimes, but I am really happy. Once the divorce is over, things really will improve.

[Anonymous]

I know the feeling.

[Anonymous]

Don't blame you, OP. I'd hate her (and him) too.

Karma will bite them both in the ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear ya, OP. BTDT, too. In my case, the other woman was an escort -- that he fell in love with. Yuck -- on so many levels. I dumped him as soon as I found out. She dumped him shortly thereafter. I'll admit to taking some joy in that. How do you get dumped by someone that you are paying?? Brutal.

In my case, that hatred and anger dissipated as I realized how much better off I was without him. I get lonely sometimes, but I am really happy. Once the divorce is over, things really will improve.

As MasterCard says: ex- husband getting dumped by his escort $2000. Ex-wife's enjoyment: PRICELESS!

You made my day. Glad you were able to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.

I am not in your shoes but, if I were, I imagine I would feel exactly as you do. They made inconsiderate choices and you have to suffer the fallout. I don't know you but my heart goes out to you. Every time I hear of someone who has cheated, I turn to my husband and say "if you ever want to cheat, just ask for a divorce." I can't tell you how many times I have said it because I hear so many stories like yours. I would like to believe that karma takes care of people like this but who really knows. In the end.

[Anonymous]

OP: I expect that I'll forget the intensity of this after a while and look back at this as just something that happened to me, like the time I ended up with a broken leg because a young friend put a stick in my bicycle wheels as a joke as we were going down a hill ..... I forgave her because I honestly don't think she had thought it all out, she was very very sorry and horrified for a long time.

I hate my husband -- who knew this was a slimey move and although he says he is sorry, i don't believe it. The other woman shows no remorse. both my husband and the OW knew damn well they brought tidings of grief, deceit, and destruction into the mix. I hate them both. I hate her.

Looking forward to the day this is dusty in the rear view mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There I said it. Yes, I can hear it already ..... the issue is between you and your husband.....if you had been a better wife he wouldn't have looked elsewhere......were you putting out? ...... You married the wrong guy...... Your husband made vows to you, the OW has no obligation ..... Work on yourself .... stop focusing any energy that way ....... What issues did you bring to this situation...... Get some counseling....

I'm tired of the OW getting off the hook so easy. My marriage is finished. While I'm carrying around a 200 pound sand bag of grief, trying to put my life back together, shock, and feeling very PTSD-ish. It seems like I'm the only one paying a huge price for THEIR choices. He could have f'ing left. And she could have kept her legs together and waited for some hot single dude.

I hate my husband. I hate the other woman. So There.

I am not in your shoes but, if I were, I imagine I would feel exactly as you do. They made inconsiderate choices and you have to suffer the fallout. I don't know you but my heart goes out to you. Every time I hear of someone who has cheated, I turn to my husband and say "if you ever want to cheat, just ask for a divorce." I can't tell you how many times I have said it because I hear so many stories like yours. I would like to believe that karma takes care of people like this but who really knows. In the end.

Wanted to add: in the end, all you can so is be good to yourself. Speak to a therapist. Give yourself time to grieve. Surround yourself with supportive people. I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He'll cheat on her, too, OP.

God, I wish this were true!

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sick of people on here giving the person having the affair a free pass -"if only you had been more attentive or had done this in bed....... it would not have happened. it is going to hurt for a while but life is full of new possibilities!

[Anonymous]

There's no free pass, for either of them, and you should let yourself feel angry and hurt if that's the process you need to go through. The problem here is, eventually YOU have to decide to move forward. It'll never be ok - what they did, and you never have to "forgive" them, but you do need to take a step back (eventually - not today or even tomorrow) but you have to step back and decide not to let them ruin one more day, or even 5 more minutes of your time. And you're the only one that can do that. Don't die having wasted 20 years being pissed off.