She's Fat & Lazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the thread, but I can tell you as the wife who did become fat and I'm sure my exH would have said I was lazy, I wasn't. I was miserable in a marriage, depressed, unhappy, I had lost sense of who I was as a woman, as a wife, I felt utterly helplessly miserable. And he was the reason. He was so mentally abusive and withholding, I had no idea at the time. For me though, I did go to the gym, and I did try and it didn't work. But for him, he'd put me down. He'd say I wasn't training hard, and I wasn't eating small enough. As he'd devour an entire pizza, alone and remain a super skinny guy. LONG story short, when we divorced, I lost 75 pounds. Without even trying. Because my inner woman was no longer put down, shamed, criticized. I was desired by others, I felt pretty, and my body just started responding. I think if she's depressed, she can feel your judgement and it's not helping. If you really do love her, I'd make her feel pretty, I'd go on walks with her as "dates" so you don't put her down. I'd get her a gorgeous lingerie set. I'd make her feel loved and desirable. If that doesn't work, then that is on her. But don't underestimate the value of feeling awful, and sensing your spouse feels that way about you too.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. Thank you thank you thank you. I hope you have found love and joy in this short life!

Yeah, I can't believe this lady got flamed. This is so clearly the answer OP. Don't be this PP's ex-husband. Make your wife feel beautiful and loved even as she is now and she will want to look good for you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe try stop being such a judgemental asshole.

He's not judging, he's stating a fact. She's fat and lazy. Assuming he's not fat and lazy, I'd be upset too.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed if spouse gained weight and I was no longer attracted to him, particularly if he did nothing about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be annoyed if spouse gained weight and I was no longer attracted to him, particularly if he did nothing about it.

Yep. Goes both ways. DCUM is usually full of threads bashing men for their lack of ambition or lack of parental involvement. It's nice to finally see and understand how the men on here feel when their spouse (DW) lets them down. Get it together ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There may be exceptions but let's face it: the very same women who used to take care of their figures before they married and while they were courting - ie trying to find a husband - let themselves go once they are married.

I don't believe for a moment that these women just find it impossible to lose weight after they marry because there is hardly a bride to be who is not focused on losing weight to look her best on her wedding day. Yes, having children can take a toll but these very same women if they get divorced then make that extra effort to lose weight because they are again on the prowl to find another partner and so they are motivated to do so.

Both men and women change in different ways when there is not a need to impress the opposite sex ...... and the need to impress is not a factor any more once they marry.

It's the women you know. Lose weight for the "big" day. Stop dating vain women. I would have "try to find a husband"... "lose weight for any specific day" ...

These women just need to start dating black guys.

Annd what exactly is wrong with black guys? Other than you're racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Actually I can't. It just amuses me when men get their panties in a wad and so selfish about their wives gaining weight, as if it was a personal slap in the face to them! So hilariously self centered!

And I'm guessing you are an Adonis yourself? Dead ringer for David Gandy?

But it very much IS a personal slap in the face!
While dating, I was quite selective about dating only girls who matched my active lifestyle. At that time, my wife (then girlfriend) shared the same views on fitness. I made no secrets about my commitment to physical activity for life, and that I wanted a partner to grow old with BUT to remain active.

Whether I'm Adonis or David Gandy (whoever the F that might be, don't care enough to even google) is totally irrelevant. What IS relevant is that I've not changed, physically, since we got together 2 decades ago.
Have I aged? Of course! But getting fat and lazy is NOT a part of aging. I work a bit harder now to maintain my strength and weight, but that's what mature people do if they value physical fitness.

Obviously my wife now values her cushy lifestyle with ease and comfort over fitness. And I'm not happy about that change one bit. I've never been attracted to larger women. And now that my wife has gained a ton of weight, I've lost attraction and respect for her.
Yes, that's a slap in my face.

It just amuses me when women get surprised and upset that their men lose attraction for a wife who gains weight.

LOL. So ridiculous and inane.

First of all, it is a proven FACT that women have a physically harder time losing weight and keeping it off. If you dont believe me, feel free to work up the energy to use google (Um, talk about lazy... google "David Gandy" if you want to see what a real hot guy looks like and how poorly you measure up) and verify that for yourself.

Like others have said, sounds like you are busy working out at the gym, and I wonder how much you are contributing to the household. If you spend your time at the gym, and do nothing around the house, and your wife has to pick up the slack... newsflash! Of course she's going to be too busy to go to the gym.

I also wonder how supportive you are to her emotionally, given how much resentment you clearly have towards her. You speak of her so hatefully. If you are able to be AT ALL kind and nice to her then you must be a master liar. I would be really surprised if your wife isn't able to pick up on your attitude.

It amuses me when men think they can bully women into doing things. It shows such a complete and total lack of understanding of human psychology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Make your wife feel beautiful and loved even as she is now and she will want to look good for you again.

Really? So, all of the ugly, overweight women walking around are just unloved? Seems statistically unlikely.

I mean, I have nothing against loving your spouse and treating her right. But there are plenty of guys who knock themselves out trying to do the right thing and, nevertheless, have frumpy wives who take their husbands for granted and really don't make much effort at all to make themselves look good.

So, the assertion that if you try to make your wife feel beautiful and loved, she'll respond by trying to make herself look good seems more like wishful thinking than an accurate description of cause and effect.

[Anonymous]

this thread tells me I should become a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

2 fulltime working parents, 3 small children--how much time do you spend working out each week, OP? How much housework is outsourced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this thread tells me I should become a lesbian.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

This thread tell me that I am doing and have done the right thing watching my weight - achieved through being careful what I eat and exercising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread tell me that I am doing and have done the right thing watching my weight - achieved through being careful what I eat and exercising.

Or else your DH would take it personally and go nutso?

Gosh. This thread should be telling you you need a divorce.

[Anonymous]

My husband gained 40 lbs together with me when I was pregnant. I lost it all within a year he kept it. He ate whatever he wanted and did not work out. He starred having health problems. Our sex life sucked. I tried to talk, help, encourage him to look better and take care of himself for five years. I looked exactly like when we got married. Men were after me. I had a short affair. He found out. Immediately started working out and taking care of himself. Lost 35 lbs in 3 months. Now he is happy and in the best shape of his life. Dresses much better too. Wtf

[Anonymous]

I had a college girlfriend who struggled with her weight. She dumped me, grew her hair out, and was looking particularly hot by the time we graduated. 20 years later, judging from her Facebook pictures, she gained a bunch of weight and got herself a mommy bob.

[Anonymous]

I don't blame you OP. You are right be concerned. If her lifestyle doesn't improve, that 50 pounds will creep ever upwards.

My MIL never lost the baby weight and made every excuse under the sun about her obesity. Now she is in her early 70's, largely bed bound and unable to walk more than a few steps at a time.

Her family life was very impacted by her weight and there is a lot of residual bitterness. Her kids are obsessed about not gaining weight and often say, "i don't want to get like Mom"

Not a great situation. Heavily overweight people don't want to think about the long term damage they are doing to their bodies.