She's Fat & Lazy

[Anonymous]

OP Here...this is a health issue. I love my wife but the weight has impacted her health and our sex life as she doesn't "feel sexy." As for comment about money...we both earn a very good living but the comment is ridiculous. Your answer is to simply leave your spouse rather than help.

[Anonymous]

She knows she's fat and lazy, and she hates herself for it. And if you harp on it, it will make her hate you for making her hate herself even more.

She has to come to the realization and do it by herself. Nothing you say or do will get her to that point . If you love her, I suggest being patient and letting her get to the place by herself, understanding it may take a long time. If you don't think you can handle an overweight wife, it's better to just get out now, because if your nagging does somehow get her motivated to lose weight, she'll probably resent you so much after the fact, she'll end up leaving you anyway.

I'm sorry it is such a tough place for you. My husband tried to "help" me, not realizing he hurt me more by trying to help. Fortunately for him, he gave up and let me decide by myself it was time. Just make sure she knows you love her unconditionally (if you do).

[Anonymous]

You could tell her that you're worried about her health (what are the health issues?) and her being there for the kids? Maybe not mention weight but just say you want both of you to be "healthy"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There..I said it and I know I will get crushed here but its true. DW is about 50+lbs overweight and won't do anything about it. I understand that she gave birth to our kids and i don't expect her to get back to the weight when we got married but the extra weight is causing her medical issues that will only be helped by losing the weight. We pay for a gym membership and I have offered to get her a personal trainer but she has no interest in putting in the work. I thought it may be a depression issue but she refutes it. She says she wants to lose the weight but just lacks the motivation to it. For her health, how do I get lose the weight and get off the couch?

Who does the grocery shopping? No junk food, no sodas, etc. Just salads and healthy meats. Say you want to change your eating habits and would appreciate her support in not bring junk food into the house. Use PeaPod or do the shopping yourself.

Also lead by example. Don't nag her to go to the gym. Ask her to join you for a romantic walk. Or bike ride. Or birdwatching, kayaking, or basketball. Just anything but the couch. If she says no all the time, then you have hard examples to talk to her about.

Change the routine in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She knows she's fat and lazy, and she hates herself for it. And if you harp on it, it will make her hate you for making her hate herself even more.

She has to come to the realization and do it by herself. Nothing you say or do will get her to that point . If you love her, I suggest being patient and letting her get to the place by herself, understanding it may take a long time. If you don't think you can handle an overweight wife, it's better to just get out now, because if your nagging does somehow get her motivated to lose weight, she'll probably resent you so much after the fact, she'll end up leaving you anyway.

I'm sorry it is such a tough place for you. My husband tried to "help" me, not realizing he hurt me more by trying to help. Fortunately for him, he gave up and let me decide by myself it was time. Just make sure she knows you love her unconditionally (if you do).

Yes, that might work ........ or she may put on another 50 pounds.

[Anonymous]

11:47 here...

One other suggestion, if possible, is befriend a couple who does like to exercise. My husband and I became very good friends with 2 couples in our neighborhood. (All men work together.) One wife works part time at the Y, and the other and I decided to take classes and joined together. This was part of the motivation I needed to get going.

It may be hard to orchestrate something like this, but now I purposefully try to develop relationships with active and fit women. I'm not looking for a trainer, but I do want to hang out with people who will keep me motivated.

[Anonymous]

Are you doing your share in the household chores? Are you buying healthy food? These were the two main things holding me back before I lost the weight. Minimal help with household chores and all the junk food in the world bought and kept in the house. If she's coming home to tidying up the house, taking care of the kids and cleaning up after everyone, she's tired, not lazy.

And if you are being judgmental already, then she probably is depressed and can't see her way out of the hole that is her weight gain.

Does she actually enjoy the gym? Then don't push her for that, because it won't work. Offer to take something off her plate, so she can go do something that she would enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There..I said it and I know I will get crushed here but its true. DW is about 50+lbs overweight and won't do anything about it. I understand that she gave birth to our kids and i don't expect her to get back to the weight when we got married but the extra weight is causing her medical issues that will only be helped by losing the weight. We pay for a gym membership and I have offered to get her a personal trainer but she has no interest in putting in the work. I thought it may be a depression issue but she refutes it. She says she wants to lose the weight but just lacks the motivation to it. For her health, how do I get lose the weight and get off the couch?

Take over meal planning, shopping and cooking. Schedule dates that are hiking, biking, or other active dates. Monitor the snacks in the house to ensure they are plentiful, healthy and low-cal.

[Anonymous]

I second PPs' suggestions of doing things together -- going for walks or bike rides. Anything to get more active and to have fun together. Have you tried helping out with grocery shopping or cooking? If you adopt better eating habits for yourself, she's more likely to follow suit, I think. Obviously you can't -- and shouldn't -- control what she eats, but if you are making salmon and veggies for dinner, I'm guessing she'll go along with that instead of cooking a separate dinner for herself. And don't snack on junk food in front of her and expect her to forego it either. Adopting a healthier lifestyle might be less overwhelming for her if she sees that you are in it together and are there to support one another, and she might be more motivated to join you.

[Anonymous]

How old is she? How old are the kids?

Yeah the way you titled this wasn't the best, but posters need to back off. Ultimately it has to be her decision but it doesn't make you an asshole to notice and ask how you can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There..I said it and I know I will get crushed here but its true. DW is about 50+lbs overweight and won't do anything about it. I understand that she gave birth to our kids and i don't expect her to get back to the weight when we got married but the extra weight is causing her medical issues that will only be helped by losing the weight. We pay for a gym membership and I have offered to get her a personal trainer but she has no interest in putting in the work. I thought it may be a depression issue but she refutes it. She says she wants to lose the weight but just lacks the motivation to it. For her health, how do I get lose the weight and get off the couch?

Take over meal planning, shopping and cooking. Schedule dates that are hiking, biking, or other active dates. Monitor the snacks in the house to ensure they are plentiful, healthy and low-cal.

You know nothing will work until SHE decides to lose weight, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There..I said it and I know I will get crushed here but its true. DW is about 50+lbs overweight and won't do anything about it. I understand that she gave birth to our kids and i don't expect her to get back to the weight when we got married but the extra weight is causing her medical issues that will only be helped by losing the weight. We pay for a gym membership and I have offered to get her a personal trainer but she has no interest in putting in the work. I thought it may be a depression issue but she refutes it. She says she wants to lose the weight but just lacks the motivation to it. For her health, how do I get lose the weight and get off the couch?

Take over meal planning, shopping and cooking. Schedule dates that are hiking, biking, or other active dates. Monitor the snacks in the house to ensure they are plentiful, healthy and low-cal.

You know nothing will work until SHE decides to lose weight, right?

NP here but I disagree, esp. if OP takes over for the shopping and the cooking. If she's that lazy she probably won't make the effort to go out and buy junk food. While exercise is important, when someone is that much overweight changes in diet will make a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There..I said it and I know I will get crushed here but its true. DW is about 50+lbs overweight and won't do anything about it. I understand that she gave birth to our kids and i don't expect her to get back to the weight when we got married but the extra weight is causing her medical issues that will only be helped by losing the weight. We pay for a gym membership and I have offered to get her a personal trainer but she has no interest in putting in the work. I thought it may be a depression issue but she refutes it. She says she wants to lose the weight but just lacks the motivation to it. For her health, how do I get lose the weight and get off the couch?

Who does the grocery shopping? No junk food, no sodas, etc. Just salads and healthy meats. Say you want to change your eating habits and would appreciate her support in not bring junk food into the house. Use PeaPod or do the shopping yourself.

Also lead by example. Don't nag her to go to the gym. Ask her to join you for a romantic walk. Or bike ride. Or birdwatching, kayaking, or basketball. Just anything but the couch. If she says no all the time, then you have hard examples to talk to her about.

Change the routine in your home.

I really like all of these suggestions. Diet should make a huge difference as should even a moderate level of exercise such as walking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There..I said it and I know I will get crushed here but its true. DW is about 50+lbs overweight and won't do anything about it. I understand that she gave birth to our kids and i don't expect her to get back to the weight when we got married but the extra weight is causing her medical issues that will only be helped by losing the weight. We pay for a gym membership and I have offered to get her a personal trainer but she has no interest in putting in the work. I thought it may be a depression issue but she refutes it. She says she wants to lose the weight but just lacks the motivation to it. For her health, how do I get lose the weight and get off the couch?

Take over meal planning, shopping and cooking. Schedule dates that are hiking, biking, or other active dates. Monitor the snacks in the house to ensure they are plentiful, healthy and low-cal.

You know nothing will work until SHE decides to lose weight, right?

NP here but I disagree, esp. if OP takes over for the shopping and the cooking. If she's that lazy she probably won't make the effort to go out and buy junk food. While exercise is important, when someone is that much overweight changes in diet will make a huge difference.

No one has ever lost weight and kept it off without being motivated to do so, especially that amount of weight.

[Anonymous]

Gyms are a pain to get to and embarrassing to use if you look overweight. Get a treadmill for home and use it yourself. Develop a plan to use it together, maybe have her watch her favorite show but only while working out. The point is to start slow with something that can easily adapt to higher usage.