She's Fat & Lazy

[Anonymous]

There..I said it and I know I will get crushed here but its true. DW is about 50+lbs overweight and won't do anything about it. I understand that she gave birth to our kids and i don't expect her to get back to the weight when we got married but the extra weight is causing her medical issues that will only be helped by losing the weight. We pay for a gym membership and I have offered to get her a personal trainer but she has no interest in putting in the work. I thought it may be a depression issue but she refutes it. She says she wants to lose the weight but just lacks the motivation to it. For her health, how do I get lose the weight and get off the couch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There..I said it and I know I will get crushed here but its true. DW is about 50+lbs overweight and won't do anything about it. I understand that she gave birth to our kids and i don't expect her to get back to the weight when we got married but the extra weight is causing her medical issues that will only be helped by losing the weight. We pay for a gym membership and I have offered to get her a personal trainer but she has no interest in putting in the work. I thought it may be a depression issue but she refutes it. She says she wants to lose the weight but just lacks the motivation to it. For her health, how do I get lose the weight and get off the couch?

You don't. She has to do it herself. She probably is depressed, but there's not much you can do except offer her whatever support she needs.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

You can't do anything.

Contrary to the PP, I don't think all fat people are depressed but I think a lot of times fat people have an unhealthy relationship with food that is driven by other issues in their life, some which may go back as far as childhood. You could encourage counseling.

I grew up the child of two obese parents. Unless the person really gets at what is driving the behavior (laziness, overeating, however you want to frame it), things will never change long-term. The person might diet, but the weight will come back.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try stop being such a judgemental asshole.

[Anonymous]

So is she lazy AND and she won't lose the weight, or is she lazy BECAUSE she won't lose the weight?

And how much do you weigh, may I ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe try stop being such a judgemental asshole.

If she is overweight and not doing anything but sitting around, than saying she is fat and lazy is not judgmental. It's a statement of fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't do anything.

Contrary to the PP, I don't think all fat people are depressed but I think a lot of times fat people have an unhealthy relationship with food that is driven by other issues in their life, some which may go back as far as childhood. You could encourage counseling.

I grew up the child of two obese parents. Unless the person really gets at what is driving the behavior (laziness, overeating, however you want to frame it), things will never change long-term. The person might diet, but the weight will come back.

I never said that - but OP's statement that she "won't get off the couch" sounds like she's unhappy to me. Plus, she's married to OP, which might cause one to be depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't do anything.

Contrary to the PP, I don't think all fat people are depressed but I think a lot of times fat people have an unhealthy relationship with food that is driven by other issues in their life, some which may go back as far as childhood. You could encourage counseling.

I grew up the child of two obese parents. Unless the person really gets at what is driving the behavior (laziness, overeating, however you want to frame it), things will never change long-term. The person might diet, but the weight will come back.

I never said that - but OP's statement that she "won't get off the couch" sounds like she's unhappy to me. Pldus, she's married to OP, which might cause one to be depressed.

x10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe try stop being such a judgemental asshole.

I don't think this is a fair response. Until you have seen someone you love in this position where extra weight really starts to impact quality of life and health, then I don't think you can really understand how frustrating it is. You have to just sit there and watch the person slowly deteriorate into a shell of who they once were. It's small things at first...can't do the hike, can't go on the bike ride, my knees hurt, my ankles hurt, I'm tired, I'm hot (on a day that's not so hot), won't go in the pool with the kids, can't walk the several flight of stairs on vacation so I'll just stay in the car. That's the small stuff that starts as the extra pounds add up. Then get ready for the serious health issues as you age - diabetes, increased risk of cancer, joint replacement, lack of mobility. It sucks. For the fat person and for the spouse.

OP is asking a legitimate question. Calling her lazy isn't great, but it's frustrating.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's wrong to want your spouse to at least vaguely resemble the person you married. (assuming there isn't cancer or another serious illness in the picture.) Most people don't gain 50 pounds just because they had kids.

I would be annoyed if I married someone in part because I was attracted to him and then he gained 50 pounds. That's a big difference.

Some weight gain is normal after kids and as we age. I'm about 10 lbs heavier than I was before i had my child, and I'm in my 40's. I would expect someone to be ok with that. 50 lbs? no.

[Anonymous]

Do make good money, OP?

It might make sense to get out of the marriage now, before you are no longer able to resist the temptation to cheat. Divorce sucks, but cheating is worse and you instantly become the villain no matter what drove you to cheat in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Have you had any stressful situations recently? If so, maybe a little compassion would help.

How about taking up a mutual, fun sport together - even just walking? bike riding? hiking? plan to run a race together?

[Anonymous]

God you people (I assume women) are vicious. OP has a right to be concerned health-wise and if nothing else not attracted to his "new" wife. I wouldn't like it if my husband gained 50lbs either. That is a lot of weight.

[Anonymous]

The most effective method is to try to do things together. Like, hey let's go for a walk/little jog today or whatever.

The health issues associated with being that overweight are serious and are rightfully a cause for concern.