DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sounds like your dd is the mean girl and you are blind to it. Take this as a wake up call and get on your daughter.

Please, you wrote this 4 pages back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sounds like your dd is the mean girl and you are blind to it. Take this as a wake up call and get on your daughter.

Please, you wrote this 4 pages back.

Exactly. STFU already.

OP, PP here who was advocating for calling the other mom. You know what? At this point, given your new information, I wouldn't. Hopefully she won't do it again and this was just a one-off thing from a misguided mom. Engaging her might just make it worse for you - and for that woman's poor daughter. It sounds like you did the right thing by checking with the other moms and talking to your DD. But now you have her contact info so that if it does happen again, you know how to reach her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What's wrong with teaching children to be inclusive? We are social animals and thrive the most when in groups. Making our kids congnizant of the need to include others is teaching them empathy.

So this is expected in adulthood too? We will expect to see the Democrats of the area inviting the Republicans of the area, whom said Democrats lambast routinely on DCUM, to their homes for events, out to lunch, etc.?

No. In the real world, while you should be reasonably politely, you do NOT need to include people with whom you don't wish to spend time. This is a no-brainer.

Sorry to derail, but in decades past, this is how it was done on the Hill - friendships across the aisle, to the teeth while in session, then go out for a drink together - and there are many who believe that our political process has suffered from the fact that DC culture has moved away from that.

In other words, we could all stand to be more open-minded about "with whom we wish to spend time."

[Anonymous]

*fight to the teeth

[Anonymous]

OP -- the woman you are complaining about was a recess volunteer. Maybe she saw your daughter excluding others on the playground. It IS her job as a playground supervisor to say "we don't exclude anyone." What's the big deal? Don't you want other adults helping socialize your child? I do! I expect that my kids will be reminded to maintain good behavior at school. It's not like this other mom berated and belittled your daughter. Your daughter should be strong enough to hear "don't exclude other kids" without being traumatized.

I can't help but feeling like you're more of a "modern" parent who says to the teacher "my Johnny would never do that!" Back when we were kids, however, a parent would not question a teacher/parent's description of what happened.

I think you are really over-reacting to something really small. I would urge you to take a break from this for a couple of days and I think you'll realize this is dust in the wind.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I don't think it's appropriate for a parent to address such concerns directly with a child. If the parent has concerns she should speak to the teacher, bump it up to the principal if she must, ask the principal to talk to the children involved, ask the principal to involve the parents of the children involved. This post is exactly WHY one should follow all those steps: If you confront someone's child you are going to piss off the parents, you don't know how your comments will be portrayed or perceived, and YOU might be the one who ends up getting in "trouble". Generally, it's not a good idea to reprimand other people's children. This is true even with friends. You should address the problem with the responsible adults first.

[Anonymous]

My kids preschool used to have parent volunteers on the playground, one who had a pattern of making kids get off the swings whenever her 2 year old non-student wanted to swing. The 2 year old would get to line jump. Apparently the one little boy who stood up for himself left the playground crying. My DS who was extremely shy would avoid this woman at all costs, apparently because the woman used a tone my DS thought was really mean. My point is that people have all sorts of agenda and the volunteer at OP's school may very well be one of the hovering moms whose lack of objectivity (as in treat all kids fairly) makes her a bad candidate to be a playground volunteer. I would definitely recommend you address this with the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound slightly off your rocker. I'd talk to your daughters teacher to make sure there isn't some mean girl tendencies going on. You know...get the whole story first before going crazy

You messed up some of that. I fixed it for you below. You're welcome.

Op, you sound completely effin' off your rocker. I'd talk to your daughters teacher to make sure there isn't some mean girl tendencies going on. You know...get the whole story first, although you'll undoubtedly be embarassed because you have already gone crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound slightly off your rocker. I'd talk to your daughters teacher to make sure there isn't some mean girl tendencies going on. You know...get the whole story first before going crazy

You messed up some of that. I fixed it for you below. You're welcome.

Op, you sound completely effin' off your rocker. I'd talk to your daughters teacher to make sure there isn't some mean girl tendencies going on. You know...get the whole story first, although you'll undoubtedly be embarassed because you have already gone crazy.

Whoa there big momma PP ^, take your meds! Are you the volunteer? Been mean to any little kids lately?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is fascinating to me. When I was growing up it was completely normal for other moms and dads to correct my behavior. Hell, complete strangers did it!

Nobody's child is so fragile that being scolded or corrected by another child's parents is going to scar them.

But treating them like princesses will surely turn them into horrid adults!

I agree with the PP that the OP is teaching her daughter not to respect adults.

Amen, sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At our elementary school, the meanest girls are the daughters of the "long time" volunteers. I do wish these moms would find someone their own size/age to pick on.

[phone]. Or the mom volunteers need to get a job, or a serious hobby, or volunteer someplace where people will benefit from their efforts, like a soup kitchen. The number of women who live to ensure that their DDs' experience in ES is free of all negative consequences is mind-blowing.

[Anonymous]

OP unclench, let it go...pick yer battles

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. This post seems to be taking a weird turn, and possibly the OP was a little over-dramatic. But I do think she has a legitimate gripe. If a parent is concerned about a kid's behavior toward her own child, it is NOT appropriate to hijack a volunteer assignment to chastise other kids. She should have taken it up with the teacher, or with the OP directly if it was that serious; if it was just the apparently normal nonsense that goes on between kids, she should be working with her daughter to figure out solutions for managing social difficulties.

I say that as a parent of an elementary student who has been the subject of some teasing etc. by other classmates. I do occasionally volunteer, in part to get a first-hand sense of how he interacts with others. But I would NEVER confront another child while volunteering except to deal with an immediate danger or problem (eg., break up a fight on the playground or something like that.) OP, I'd speak to the teacher in all this. But I do agree that someone should give the other parent guidance about volunteer responsibilities.

+1

If the OP child was excluded kids from a playground game while the parent volunteer was supervising then she is within her rights to ask the kid to be inclusive. I know my DD has mentioned that is one of the playground rules the aides enforce. If this has something to do with 9 year old drama in the classroom the parent was in the wrong to corner the other kid on the playground. The proper way to handle it is to talk to the teacher.

I still have my diary from 4th grade (Remember Judy Blume and how diaries were all the rage back then) and I am sure it is filled with drama in the classroom. It is amazing I learned anything in school. I had one of those frenemies ( best friend one day, enemy the next) and was the new kid/ teacher's pet to boot. I remember how it was all about having a best friend that never left your side until maybe 9th grade. I don't know how much was kids being mean on purpose and how much was like a fear of playing musical chairs and being the one left without a chair so you clung to your domain ( best friends, seat position in the bus) because you didn't want to be left with no one. The reason a neutral 3rd party needed to be involved is IF say OP's daughter was excluding the other girl, first, you don't know if the other girl either said something first or reacted to something (right or wrong) that made the situation worse. Also, I can tell you from my experience that adults are still the kids on the playground and to navigate the real world you have to know how to stand up for yourself in such a way that you don't seem like the off-the-rocker one. I unfortunately didn't learn how to stand up for myself from day one until I was much older. Having a neutral 3rd party could have addressed both kids hopefully in a way that wouldn't make either kid defensive and allow each of them to learn compassion for each other and how to handle situations in a polite manner for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Nobody sounds crazy in this whole story. OP, you sound defensive over your child and that is natural. The other mom sounds protective over her daughter and again, natural. Your daughter sounds like a normal young girl who is still developing character and the other girl probably had her feelings hurt. This is worth a mention in passing to a teacher who observes your daughter regularly, just to check that you are on target with raising a thoughtful child. Nothing more. It doesn't sound like your daughter was scared or yelled at by the mother but if she is really a nice girl who is being taught to be considerate of others, this may serve as a reminder that she should be careful how she treats others, as they may interpret things differently than intended. Let it go and tackle bigger issues. Maybe even try to volunteer yourself to see how kids at school interact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound slightly off your rocker. I'd talk to your daughters teacher to make sure there isn't some mean girl tendencies going on. You know...get the whole story first before going crazy

You messed up some of that. I fixed it for you below. You're welcome.

Op, you sound completely effin' off your rocker. I'd talk to your daughters teacher to make sure there isn't some mean girl tendencies going on. You know...get the whole story first, although you'll undoubtedly be embarassed because you have already gone crazy.

Hey PP - I have tons of work that needs to be edited this week since you freelance lol! I don't have an opinion other than I love that you corrected a post on an anonymous board. Made my day!