DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!

[Anonymous]

My 9-year-old DD came home today and told me that a classmates mother came up to her on the playground at school to "get on to her" for exceeding her DD who is in the same homeroom. I'm mad at the mother of course, but furious at the school! Why are adults who are not faculty and staff members on the campus? I called the school immediately and they said that the mother is a longtime volunteer and does recess duty from time to time. Would it be too much to ask them to not allow her to volunteer again? What grown woman goes up and fights their 9-year-olds battles for her? DD said she didn't yell but told her she needed to be nice and include everyone, I have no idea what this woman is talking about and neither does my DD. DD has never been a bully, she isn't a mean or snotty child and if she was leaving someone else out I'd wish the parent would talk to ME not to my daughter. Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

What does "exceeding her DD" mean?

[Anonymous]

Do you mean excluding her DD? Not sure what exceeding means...

[Anonymous]

Yep, you're overreacting on every front.
1. Parents are on the playground all the time at our school. There's nothing more normal. You're "furious"? Perhaps you need to spend more time at the school yourself.
2. Her daughter came home upset that your daughter was mean to her.
3. She spoke politely to your daughter about an issue with your daughter
4. Your daughter is old enough not to have HER mother stand between her and the rest of the world, at least on this level.

I was going to say "I can't believe that...", but yes, I can believe that your first reaction isn't to have a conversation with your daughter about her mean girl tendencies, but to flip out on DCUM about the presence of a parent on the playground. Please get your priorities straight.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is too much to ask for her not to volunteer. Your daughter probably did something not nice that excluded her daughter. Maybe it didn't seem like a big deal to your daughter, since she doesn't ever remember it. But it was clearly a big deal to the other little girl.

I would (a) ask the teacher if she knows anything about it; (b) ask the other mother if you can talk with her; (c) when you talk with her, just calmly and politely say that you prefer that she talk to you if there's a problem, rather than your daughter.

End of story.

[Anonymous]

You are hearing this story second hand from a nine year old. Calm down and get the facts. Calmly approach this woman and ask what happened. Calmly. Assume nothing.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this is not good behavior. In sixth grade one of my best friends caved to peer pressure and made fun of me for being less developed than the other girls. I was so sensitive about this and went home and cried to my mother because I was so embarrassed. My mother called my friend's mother, and I was pissed at her for that. I would have been REALLY pissed if she had confronted my friend directly. This was nearly 25 years ago and I still remember it.

Was this mother out of line? Oh sweet Jesus, yes. 100%. Should you make a big deal out of it to the school? No. Do what that mother should have done if she felt it was an issue - talk to her. Let her know that you are not comfortable with what she did and hear out her concerns. You may think they are bullshit, but you may also learn something about your daughter.

The silver lining of what my mother did was that I do think it resulted in a conversation with my friend about bullying, and prevented her from doing it again (at least that I was aware of). Trust me - my friend's mom was shocked and never thought her daughter would do what she did. So, try not to overreact and instead be the one to step up and be an adult in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does "exceeding her DD" mean?

Oops, excluding. Damn autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9-year-old DD came home today and told me that a classmates mother came up to her on the playground at school to "get on to her" for exceeding her DD who is in the same homeroom. I'm mad at the mother of course, but furious at the school! Why are adults who are not faculty and staff members on the campus? I called the school immediately and they said that the mother is a longtime volunteer and does recess duty from time to time. Would it be too much to ask them to not allow her to volunteer again? What grown woman goes up and fights their 9-year-olds battles for her? DD said she didn't yell but told her she needed to be nice and include everyone, I have no idea what this woman is talking about and neither does my DD. DD has never been a bully, she isn't a mean or snotty child and if she was leaving someone else out I'd wish the parent would talk to ME not to my daughter. Am I overreacting?

Oh the irony. This is so rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9-year-old DD came home today and told me that a classmates mother came up to her on the playground at school to "get on to her" for exceeding her DD who is in the same homeroom. I'm mad at the mother of course, but furious at the school! Why are adults who are not faculty and staff members on the campus? I called the school immediately and they said that the mother is a longtime volunteer and does recess duty from time to time. Would it be too much to ask them to not allow her to volunteer again? What grown woman goes up and fights their 9-year-olds battles for her? DD said she didn't yell but told her she needed to be nice and include everyone, I have no idea what this woman is talking about and neither does my DD. DD has never been a bully, she isn't a mean or snotty child and if she was leaving someone else out I'd wish the parent would talk to ME not to my daughter. Am I overreacting?

Oh, the irony...

[Anonymous]

What is so bad about another mom saying to your daughter "You need to be nice and include everyone." It's hardly a confrontation. Have you asked your daughter what she was doing at the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, you're overreacting on every front.
1. Parents are on the playground all the time at our school. There's nothing more normal. You're "furious"? Perhaps you need to spend more time at the school yourself.
2. Her daughter came home upset that your daughter was mean to her.
3. She spoke politely to your daughter about an issue with your daughter
4. Your daughter is old enough not to have HER mother stand between her and the rest of the world, at least on this level.

I was going to say "I can't believe that...", but yes, I can believe that your first reaction isn't to have a conversation with your daughter about her mean girl tendencies, but to flip out on DCUM about the presence of a parent on the playground. Please get your priorities straight.

I just said that my daughter is NOT a Mean Girl, you seem very presumptuous. I asked DD if she was ever mean to this other girl and she said no, that they just don't hang out because they have different interests. If my DD was mean, I would DEFINITELY want to know, so I can fix the behavior however I do not want some adult to approach my daughter.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my son. But the woman actually grabbed him by the arm and shook him. She also yelled. She was banned from volunteering.

I hate, hate, hate that volunteers have no training on how to deal with children. I don't think volunteers should have contact with children unless they have some sort of certification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, you're overreacting on every front.
1. Parents are on the playground all the time at our school. There's nothing more normal. You're "furious"? Perhaps you need to spend more time at the school yourself.
2. Her daughter came home upset that your daughter was mean to her.
3. She spoke politely to your daughter about an issue with your daughter
4. Your daughter is old enough not to have HER mother stand between her and the rest of the world, at least on this level.

I was going to say "I can't believe that...", but yes, I can believe that your first reaction isn't to have a conversation with your daughter about her mean girl tendencies, but to flip out on DCUM about the presence of a parent on the playground. Please get your priorities straight.

I just said that my daughter is NOT a Mean Girl, you seem very presumptuous. I asked DD if she was ever mean to this other girl and she said no, that they just don't hang out because they have different interests. If my DD was mean, I would DEFINITELY want to know, so I can fix the behavior however I do not want some adult to approach my daughter.

So your daughter is not mean because....she says so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is so bad about another mom saying to your daughter "You need to be nice and include everyone." It's hardly a confrontation. Have you asked your daughter what she was doing at the time?

Because this is not a teacher, this is a parent. She does not have the best interest of all the students, she has the best interest of her daughter. What if I went up to her DD and told her that she has to include my daughter in everything?