DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have only your daughter's description of the incident? Remember that children don't see their own behavior objectively -- it's hard enough for adults. You could discuss it with the other mother or with the school, but it was inappropriate to bring in the neighbors and other adults who weren't involved.

Now, one thing to do is to mention to your friends that you regret your overreaction, but since that won't undo the harm you need to find a way to help the other child feel included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have only your daughter's description of the incident? Remember that children don't see their own behavior objectively -- it's hard enough for adults. You could discuss it with the other mother or with the school, but it was inappropriate to bring in the neighbors and other adults who weren't involved.

Now, one thing to do is to mention to your friends that you regret your overreaction, but since that won't undo the harm you need to find a way to help the other child feel included.

The other adults I talked to were involved, please reread my posts.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you guys are mean. If an adult approached anyone of your kids you guys would go off your rocker. OP has a legitimate gripe. The mom has no business tell OPs daughter anything. She should have called OP up or talked to a teacher. I am a teacher too and this would not happen at my school. It's ridiculous how everyone is attacking OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- the woman you are complaining about was a recess volunteer. Maybe she saw your daughter excluding others on the playground. It IS her job as a playground supervisor to say "we don't exclude anyone." What's the big deal? Don't you want other adults helping socialize your child? I do! I expect that my kids will be reminded to maintain good behavior at school. It's not like this other mom berated and belittled your daughter. Your daughter should be strong enough to hear "don't exclude other kids" without being traumatized. quote]

My feelings exactly. This was such a teaching moment, even if your DD did nothing wrong. Sometimes other adults are going to tell your DD what to do. Sometimes other adults may get it wrong. She has to learn to deal with this herself. Let her and stop helicoptering.

[Anonymous]

10:57 It would be great if you could tell us where you teach. Excluding other children is a form of bullying, and I wouldn't want to send my children to a school where it's allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would be absolutely acceptable to ask the school to ban this woman from playground duty. An adult approaching a child during the school day, on school property and while in service to the school in order to hash out a personal grievance with that child is beyond the pale. She took advantage of the fact that your daughter was in a vulnerable position, when she could corner her with no adults nearby, and that should not be acceptable to any parent or responsible adult.

true!! What if your child becomes traumatized.in the situation... On that lady whom she has no relationship with. Emotional distress would lead up if you let others confront your own child. They have no right. The volunteer should talk to the parents. And with the parents permission only then she can talk to the child.

[Anonymous]

I'm with the OP. You'd be surprised how many parents volunteer not out of the goodness of their hearts but because they need to control their child's environment 24/7. My DD was bullied by the mom of her then-good friend, who took it upon herself to fight for her DD whenever there was a conflict between the girls. Sadly, I learned of this after months of damage had been done. And yes, this parent was a very active volunteer at our school.

If playground mom really felt there was some injustice occurring, she should have spoken with the teacher afterwards. The woman is a volunteer, not a school counselor.

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think OP's daughter sounds mean and OP thinks her behavior is fine. Girls are really bold at that age and will let their rude behavior fly even if they're being watched, even if the mother of the girl they want to exclude is sitting right in front of their faces. That said, I would not confront a kid on the playground.

[Anonymous]

OP Reading your original post, your daughter could have been the mean girl or the other child could have been that way. Reading your subsequent posts, I believe it is more likely your child is the mean girl. Given the facts, the parent who tells your child to be nice is not a problem.

[Anonymous]

NP. We just had a volunteer event for the end of the year. Kids were acting up all over the place. I had to tell some children to be kind to others because they were being obnoxious and ruining the activity. Am I not allowed to do this anymore? This world is getting ridiculous. No wonder we can't find enough volunteers for events.

[Anonymous]

I am not the OP, but I think we're way OT the original issue.

As I understood it, the OP's DD (who may or may not be mean) was approached by a parent on the playground and told she needed to stop excluding that parent's DD from play.

Way off base for a school volunteer, in my opinion. At 9, the mom shouldn't be fighting her DD's battles for her in any situation. But if she must get involved, call the other mom (in this case, the OP) and straighten it out at home--not on school property.

When I volunteer, I don't bring any "home business" with me--I don't talk about playdates with my DC's friends, I don't treat the kids who are not-so-nice to them any differently, etc. If you can't put aside your mom issues--good and bad--in the classroom, then please, just stay home.

[Anonymous]

You guys know this is from February right? Some bored person must have been digging deep into this subforum in order to get this thread active again. I"m sure after 4 months, OP has handled the situation.

[Anonymous]

Actually, it's been hovering on or near the first page since it was posted. Obviously, it strikes a nerve in the greater community.

[Anonymous]

The parent was out of line. She should have contacted you first if there was an issue that she thought needed to be addressed.

I would make a formal complaint to the school. I would write a letter and call and schedule an appointment with the principal.

Basically, the issue is that, volunteer or not, this lady is another student's parent, not a paid employee of the school. She had no business going outside of the usual school procedure for addressing grievances with another child. She intimidated your child without allowing your child an opportunity to explain herself. It is inappropriate and it is a misuse of that parent's volunteer status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, you're overreacting on every front.
1. Parents are on the playground all the time at our school. There's nothing more normal. You're "furious"? Perhaps you need to spend more time at the school yourself.
2. Her daughter came home upset that your daughter was mean to her.
3. She spoke politely to your daughter about an issue with your daughter
4. Your daughter is old enough not to have HER mother stand between her and the rest of the world, at least on this level.

I was going to say "I can't believe that...", but yes, I can believe that your first reaction isn't to have a conversation with your daughter about her mean girl tendencies, but to flip out on DCUM about the presence of a parent on the playground. Please get your priorities straight.

I just said that my daughter is NOT a Mean Girl, you seem very presumptuous. I asked DD if she was ever mean to this other girl and she said no, that they just don't hang out because they have different interests. If my DD was mean, I would DEFINITELY want to know, so I can fix the behavior however I do not want some adult to approach my daughter.

Look at what your dd said..FYI..she is a mean girl