Do you wish you had your children younger

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don't wish I were younger -- I had my three in my 30's. My issue is my DH who's much older than me. He's going to be 70 by the time the last one is off to college. I just worry that won't leave us many years to enjoy being empty nesters, let alone grandparents. Ah well, you can't always time these things.


Whose fault is that? Your husband can't turn back the clock, but you could have thought twice before you married someone much older.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't wish I were younger -- I had my three in my 30's. My issue is my DH who's much older than me. He's going to be 70 by the time the last one is off to college. I just worry that won't leave us many years to enjoy being empty nesters, let alone grandparents. Ah well, you can't always time these things.


Whose fault is that? Your husband can't turn back the clock, but you could have thought twice before you married someone much older.


Not PP but give me a break. Do you really think life is always so simple?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Young one, allow me to break this to you.

There IS NO fountain of youth.

You, too, will develop wrinkles one day, sagging breasts (if you don't already have them) and cellulite. Come post again when you're a bit more mature, sweets, so that we can have a real discussion.


Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:such a weird area we live in (McLean), we're younger in our 30s with toddlers, besides the the obvious trophy wives or second wives with the original kids all the moms are old as shit.


LMAO tell me about it. I go to Mom's Group meetups and show up seeing a bunch of women MY mother's age. I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages.

I am 27, one toddler, done. I realize that's extremely young for this area and I'm sure people look at me like I'm a Teen Mom. I am glad that I got it out of the way and went through pregnancy when I was young and fit and bounced right back. I do have lots of energy for my DC. But I also worry that, unlike a lot of older moms, I don't have the patience that would really benefit my DC that I'd have if I were a late 30s mom. Those women really just don't give a shit. They'll sit there for hours waiting for their DC to quit dawdling. I'm too impatient.

Had I known *just how dramatic* the shift in life would be upon having a kid (I know people tell you but come on, there's just no way to know until you have one) I definitely might have waited longer. I do like the idea of my DC being graduated and out of my house when I'm only in my early 40s. It's possible I missed out on some life experiences and selfishness by having a child in my mid 20s, so maybe I'll just use that time to catch up.


You misunderstand my point- I'm not making fun of these women for being old. I'm just remarking on the fairly D.C.-centric phenomenon of women in their early-mid 40s having toddlers. It's definitely not like that in many other areas of the country- women here just tend to have kids later, so I was agreeing with the PP quoted that we live in an odd area where it's equally common to see a 27 year old and a 43 year old with children the same age.

As to the PP who asked if I work- I have no idea why the answer to that question would be at all relevant to my comment.


I didn't misinterpret your tone - "I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages."

Explain your way around that one and then get back to me in about 10 years. "These women" - these? really?


Lady, you're baffling me. I was referencing a group of women I had just mentioned. "These women" seemed as appropriate a phrase as any. I nowhere used derogatory terms like ugly, saggy tits, or wrinkles- those were YOUR words. When I said I don't have anything in common with them, I didn't mean in terms of looks. I meant literally, we are at different places in our lives. I could probably not interest a 44 year old woman in conversation much more than she could interest me. Aside from our kids, if they were the same age, what would we have to talk about? Probably not much. I highly doubt a 44 year old has the patience to listen to what a 27 year old considers important problems. If you have a complex about your age or whatever, that's on you- I did not insult women who are older than me by saying we have not much in common. In plain truth, we do not.


I have no complex about my age. But you are rigid and can't seem to meet halfway. FWIW, I share an office with a woman in her early 30s who just had a baby. At 45, I have two under the age of 8. Our personal conversations are great, as is our working relationship. I've always had friends much younger, much older, and w/in my same peer group.

You have a weird way of looking at numbers.

So before you go ahead and talk about "these women," examine yourself and your word choice. odd that you'd think a 44 would have little patience to listen to what a 27 yo considers important . . You must know that a 44 yo was once 27. So there is wisdom that comes with age and experience. Hopefully, you'll get there.

Did you study argument in high school or college? Anyone can take your words and use them against you. It's actually quite easy!

BTW - you have nothing in common with "these women" b/c YOU choose to remain aloof and arrogant, honey.

Good luck growing older; I suspect you'll hit some major obstacles b/c of your lack of people skills.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't wish I were younger -- I had my three in my 30's. My issue is my DH who's much older than me. He's going to be 70 by the time the last one is off to college. I just worry that won't leave us many years to enjoy being empty nesters, let alone grandparents. Ah well, you can't always time these things.


Whose fault is that? Your husband can't turn back the clock, but you could have thought twice before you married someone much older.


Not PP but give me a break. Do you really think life is always so simple?


never said life was simple

But don't you think that complaining at this stage is useless? Shouldn't you know that if your husband is a good 10 to 15 years older than you that you'd outlive him? My mom did, and not once did she complain when he died, knowing that he spent very little time with his grandkids. She understood her situation from the start.

I don't get this. You make your own bed! Deal!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't wish I were younger -- I had my three in my 30's. My issue is my DH who's much older than me. He's going to be 70 by the time the last one is off to college. I just worry that won't leave us many years to enjoy being empty nesters, let alone grandparents. Ah well, you can't always time these things.


Whose fault is that? Your husband can't turn back the clock, but you could have thought twice before you married someone much older.


Not PP but give me a break. Do you really think life is always so simple?


never said life was simple

But don't you think that complaining at this stage is useless? Shouldn't you know that if your husband is a good 10 to 15 years older than you that you'd outlive him? My mom did, and not once did she complain when he died, knowing that he spent very little time with his grandkids. She understood her situation from the start.

I don't get this. You make your own bed! Deal!


I don't think that poster was complainng! She was just sharing! I'm sure she's just fine. You are annoying!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is having 1st child at 32 and 2nd child at 33 (almost 34) considered an older mom?
One of the posters described herself as being an older mom for having her child at age 34. I would consider this the average age, neither younger or older. I know it's a matter of opinion but in regards to this discussion I'm just wondering how others are defining.


A younger mother


I would say neither older nor younger.
Anonymous
No, because then his father would have been the my asshole X-BF rather then DH. I didn't meet DH until 30, got married at 32, had DS at 34.
Anonymous
I was 26 and still single. X and I almost married, but realized we would not have a good marriage and now co-parent between 2 households. We are def paycheck to paycheck but still solidly middle class. I will start graduate school later. Travelled the world after DC was born (with and without DC) and still doing so. Daycare bill ends this Fall! I had DC at the perfect time for me. I might end up an younger and older mom, since I am single and looking for a marriage-minded guy. I am from the area, so I have lots of family support and "me" time. I save for emergencies, retirement, and college, have my own home, and make well under 100K. Even if I had been married, I wouldnt have waited until I had $$$ to have kids. I come from a working class background and never felt deprived.

I feel fortunate that DC and my parents (late 40s) are extremely close (she's with my mom now), that my grandparents are still around to see DC regularly, and that I was able to have a child.

Blaming women for waiting is just useless. Life happens. More men are opting to marry later. What are women supposed to do, marry themselves? Many of us wont meet the right guy til later. If X and I had married, we'd no doubt have two kids already and be done by 30. But it would be a dysfunctional marriage. I'm just thankful we've both turned out to be good parents. In an ideal world, I'd have married at 25, first kid at 26, second at 29, and another at 32. I'm happy with my life today.
Anonymous
Older is over 35-The age when the ob starts recommending additional testing because, due to advanced maternal age, there is a higher risk of congenital defects. It is just a medical fact that you are an "older mom" at that point, regardless of the culture of the city you live in.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't wish I were younger -- I had my three in my 30's. My issue is my DH who's much older than me. He's going to be 70 by the time the last one is off to college. I just worry that won't leave us many years to enjoy being empty nesters, let alone grandparents. Ah well, you can't always time these things.


Whose fault is that? Your husband can't turn back the clock, but you could have thought twice before you married someone much older.


Not PP but give me a break. Do you really think life is always so simple?


never said life was simple

But don't you think that complaining at this stage is useless? Shouldn't you know that if your husband is a good 10 to 15 years older than you that you'd outlive him? My mom did, and not once did she complain when he died, knowing that he spent very little time with his grandkids. She understood her situation from the start.

I don't get this. You make your own bed! Deal!


I don't think that poster was complainng! She was just sharing! I'm sure she's just fine. You are annoying!


no

You're just easily annoyed by the truth.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I had children at 34 and 36. My parents had me when they were in their mid-to-late thirties. What makes me sad is that this adds up to a large age difference between grandparents and grandchildren. My parents aren't able to play or engage with their grandchildren as much as they'd like. And both of my parents need someone to help take care of things for them. Their health isn't too bad, but they are deteriorating noticeably over the years, and their minds are slowing down quite a bit. It's completely natural and expected that roles shift over time, and that we become responsible for taking care of our parents. However, having that happen when our kids are so young, and need a lot of our hands-on attention, has been hard. People age differently, and there are no guarantees, but I do hope that I'm younger than my parents were when (if) our kids have children. My parents really wish they were better able to spend more time with our kids, and I'm feeling like part of the sandwich generation much younger than I thought I would.


I had my first at age 34 also. My mother died when she was a year old. Mom was only 61. There are no guarantees. I certainly don't wish I had kids younger, when I wasn't mature and settled, just so my kids could have known my mother.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I am 27, one toddler, done. I realize that's extremely young for this area and I'm sure people look at me like I'm a Teen Mom. I am glad that I got it out of the way and went through pregnancy when I was young and fit and bounced right back. I do have lots of energy for my DC. But I also worry that, unlike a lot of older moms, I don't have the patience that would really benefit my DC that I'd have if I were a late 30s mom. Those women really just don't give a shit. They'll sit there for hours waiting for their DC to quit dawdling. I'm too impatient.

Had I known *just how dramatic* the shift in life would be upon having a kid (I know people tell you but come on, there's just no way to know until you have one) I definitely might have waited longer. I do like the idea of my DC being graduated and out of my house when I'm only in my early 40s. It's possible I missed out on some life experiences and selfishness by having a child in my mid 20s, so maybe I'll just use that time to catch up.


You misunderstand my point- I'm not making fun of these women for being old. I'm just remarking on the fairly D.C.-centric phenomenon of women in their early-mid 40s having toddlers. It's definitely not like that in many other areas of the country- women here just tend to have kids later, so I was agreeing with the PP quoted that we live in an odd area where it's equally common to see a 27 year old and a 43 year old with children the same age.

As to the PP who asked if I work- I have no idea why the answer to that question would be at all relevant to my comment.

I can't see you having a high powered career if you're only 27 and already have a toddler. If you do, my apologies. If you don't, you can't really understand what you are calling the DC-centric phenomenon of late child bearing.
Anonymous
11:36, I have to defend the poster you were quoting. I'm 45; many of my son's friends' moms are 37 or 38. We don't have much in common, because they married their first serious boyfriend and don't have careers. I had my child almost ten years later, am well traveled, have a career and more financial stability. You are different if you have your first child at 27 versus 35 (unless you totally waste those extra 8 years).
Anonymous
I had my first at 26 and ended up having four more after that. My oldest is now 20 and I can't imagine chasing toddlers around, but everyone's different.
Anonymous
I had my first at 28 and my second at 31 (I am 32 now). I have a career that I enjoy very much and while it isn't high-powered it pays the bills. I traveled quite a bit for work and for fun before kids. I am friends with numerous 40 year old moms and we have tons in common. They are aging awesome, I think having the young kids help. Everyone should be glad they had their kids when they had them, because if not you wouldn't have the kids you have.
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