Tween Daughter is driving us nuts about spending

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

My teens wear walmart clothing...saying parents are unreasonably and ridicuouly cheap is crazy. Different values. She can get a job.

I would question the values of people who shop at Walmart knowing their sleazy tricks regarding employees.

If you know how to shop you can find the average teenage clothing for just a little more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

NP. Did a 13 yo write this? OP’s kid is not deprived. She has lululemon, for cryin’ out loud. My kids have not behaved this way (fwiw, they attend economically diverse schools, and we do not overspend and are comfortable but not rich). I never behaved this way. One of my brothers wanted name brand stuff. My parents told him he could have it as birthday & Christmas presents. He ended up finding it boring to get nothing but clothes for Christmas, but OP’s kid might like it.

OP, you are doing the right thing by not giving in to shallow materialism. I agree with others that if she can earn money, or even save up a reasonable allowance, she can buy stuff for herself. Or get those kinds of things as gifts.

It’s not just about how much money you have, but also making good financial decisions (& not being wasteful). For example, even if I had several million dollars, I’m not going to pay $10 for a loaf of bread if can get it for $3 somewhere else.

Yes because 12 yr olds really care about taking good financial decisions. One would argue sending her to a wealthy private school isn't a good financial decision. She didn't choose to be there. And then her parents are jerks about buying her normal clothes.

They don't have to care about it. They're not paying the bills, their parents are, so parents decide what to buy. Princess can get a job if she doesn't like it.

There are things like labor laws to prevent 12 year old “princesses” from getting jobs. Get real.

She can save up allowance, ask for things for birthday/ holiday gifts until she's old enough to get a job. Children do not get to make financial decisions for their parents.

NP. Are you suggesting 12 year olds save money to buy their own clothing? You are crazy. That is your job. You buy what you can afford. If your budget only allows for Walmart, then so be it, although I would encourage you to use birthdays and Christmas to buy special wish list items your young teen may want. If, on the other hand, your budget allows for mall brands, then do that for godsakes. This isn’t difficult.

Parents' budgets are their own decisions. They can provide whatever brand of clothing they want. If the kids don't like it, too bad. They can spend their own money.

That’s some dysfunctional authoritarian parenting. Hope it works out for you!

+100

These are the same people who refuse to pay for college, despite having the funds. Or make their kids take loans for “skin in the game.”

What's actually dysfunctional is the posters who think everyone has to make the same parenting decisions you do. I'm not a "skin in the game" parent if it takes loans because I dislike loans more than I like skin in the game, but I certainly respect other parents' different preferences if they have different life experiences and values.

It’s hard to respect the idea that parents make all the decisions such as “all the clothes will come from Target and the kids better like it!” When it’s easy to shop sales, used promo codes and get good deals elsewhere on name brand kids clothes. When your preferences and values seem to be about exerting control and dominance because it’s your money, it doesn’t send the message you think it does.

Kids clothes yes, but these are adult. This kid doesn’t want sake or clearance. I’m not spending more on my kid and clothing than mine. And, I would shut this down quickly. And I’m a parent who spends thousands a month on activities, camps, tutoring, private lessons and more. I will not think twice in dropping hundreds on something hobby related but I’m not spending $100 for pants or a shirt or even sneakers.

The goal posts keep moving. First it was Target or nothing now it’s well, up to $100. Seems like you talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

I spend plenty and our biggest part of our budget goes to our kids as we have no mortgage and live under our means. I care more about them going debt free for college and grad school than them having a $$$ shirt they wear a dozen times.

Well, by the time they make it "debt free" to college they have no self-esteem as everybody's been laughing at them for the past decade. I never understood the cheapskates who "drop money" on tutors, but cannot buy a shirt. I for example don't have to hire tutors for my kids because they do excellent at school. I can also afford a few shirts and pants and even... a backpack! I know how to shop and I'm certain that I spend less than the Target and Walmart shoppers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

NP. Did a 13 yo write this? OP’s kid is not deprived. She has lululemon, for cryin’ out loud. My kids have not behaved this way (fwiw, they attend economically diverse schools, and we do not overspend and are comfortable but not rich). I never behaved this way. One of my brothers wanted name brand stuff. My parents told him he could have it as birthday & Christmas presents. He ended up finding it boring to get nothing but clothes for Christmas, but OP’s kid might like it.

OP, you are doing the right thing by not giving in to shallow materialism. I agree with others that if she can earn money, or even save up a reasonable allowance, she can buy stuff for herself. Or get those kinds of things as gifts.

It’s not just about how much money you have, but also making good financial decisions (& not being wasteful). For example, even if I had several million dollars, I’m not going to pay $10 for a loaf of bread if can get it for $3 somewhere else.

Yes because 12 yr olds really care about taking good financial decisions. One would argue sending her to a wealthy private school isn't a good financial decision. She didn't choose to be there. And then her parents are jerks about buying her normal clothes.

They don't have to care about it. They're not paying the bills, their parents are, so parents decide what to buy. Princess can get a job if she doesn't like it.

There are things like labor laws to prevent 12 year old “princesses” from getting jobs. Get real.

She can save up allowance, ask for things for birthday/ holiday gifts until she's old enough to get a job. Children do not get to make financial decisions for their parents.

NP. Are you suggesting 12 year olds save money to buy their own clothing? You are crazy. That is your job. You buy what you can afford. If your budget only allows for Walmart, then so be it, although I would encourage you to use birthdays and Christmas to buy special wish list items your young teen may want. If, on the other hand, your budget allows for mall brands, then do that for godsakes. This isn’t difficult.

Parents' budgets are their own decisions. They can provide whatever brand of clothing they want. If the kids don't like it, too bad. They can spend their own money.

That’s some dysfunctional authoritarian parenting. Hope it works out for you!

+100

These are the same people who refuse to pay for college, despite having the funds. Or make their kids take loans for “skin in the game.”

What's actually dysfunctional is the posters who think everyone has to make the same parenting decisions you do. I'm not a "skin in the game" parent if it takes loans because I dislike loans more than I like skin in the game, but I certainly respect other parents' different preferences if they have different life experiences and values.

It’s hard to respect the idea that parents make all the decisions such as “all the clothes will come from Target and the kids better like it!” When it’s easy to shop sales, used promo codes and get good deals elsewhere on name brand kids clothes. When your preferences and values seem to be about exerting control and dominance because it’s your money, it doesn’t send the message you think it does.

Kids clothes yes, but these are adult. This kid doesn’t want sake or clearance. I’m not spending more on my kid and clothing than mine. And, I would shut this down quickly. And I’m a parent who spends thousands a month on activities, camps, tutoring, private lessons and more. I will not think twice in dropping hundreds on something hobby related but I’m not spending $100 for pants or a shirt or even sneakers.

The goal posts keep moving. First it was Target or nothing now it’s well, up to $100. Seems like you talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

I spend plenty and our biggest part of our budget goes to our kids as we have no mortgage and live under our means. I care more about them going debt free for college and grad school than them having a $$$ shirt they wear a dozen times.

Well, by the time they make it "debt free" to college they have no self-esteem as everybody's been laughing at them for the past decade. I never understood the cheapskates who "drop money" on tutors, but cannot buy a shirt. I for example don't have to hire tutors for my kids because they do excellent at school. I can also afford a few shirts and pants and even... a backpack! I know how to shop and I'm certain that I spend less than the Target and Walmart shoppers.

How said your your kids. No wonder they behave like they do. My kids have tons of clothing, shies, multiple backpacks and more. I doubt you spend less than me when I bargain shop and have gotten things like North Face coats for $20. Sold them for 40 as kids didn’t like them to someone like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

My teens wear walmart clothing...saying parents are unreasonably and ridicuouly cheap is crazy. Different values. She can get a job.

I would question the values of people who shop at Walmart knowing their sleazy tricks regarding employees.

If you know how to shop you can find the average teenage clothing for just a little more.

The Walmart employees that do our deliveries are kind and choose to work there. They have good benefits and other perks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

My teens wear walmart clothing...saying parents are unreasonably and ridicuouly cheap is crazy. Different values. She can get a job.

I would question the values of people who shop at Walmart knowing their sleazy tricks regarding employees.

If you know how to shop you can find the average teenage clothing for just a little more.

I know how to shop and they like a mix. They don’t care what brand jeans and like the Levi ones. Same with underwear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

NP. Did a 13 yo write this? OP’s kid is not deprived. She has lululemon, for cryin’ out loud. My kids have not behaved this way (fwiw, they attend economically diverse schools, and we do not overspend and are comfortable but not rich). I never behaved this way. One of my brothers wanted name brand stuff. My parents told him he could have it as birthday & Christmas presents. He ended up finding it boring to get nothing but clothes for Christmas, but OP’s kid might like it.

OP, you are doing the right thing by not giving in to shallow materialism. I agree with others that if she can earn money, or even save up a reasonable allowance, she can buy stuff for herself. Or get those kinds of things as gifts.

It’s not just about how much money you have, but also making good financial decisions (& not being wasteful). For example, even if I had several million dollars, I’m not going to pay $10 for a loaf of bread if can get it for $3 somewhere else.

Yes because 12 yr olds really care about taking good financial decisions. One would argue sending her to a wealthy private school isn't a good financial decision. She didn't choose to be there. And then her parents are jerks about buying her normal clothes.

They don't have to care about it. They're not paying the bills, their parents are, so parents decide what to buy. Princess can get a job if she doesn't like it.

There are things like labor laws to prevent 12 year old “princesses” from getting jobs. Get real.

She can save up allowance, ask for things for birthday/ holiday gifts until she's old enough to get a job. Children do not get to make financial decisions for their parents.

NP. Are you suggesting 12 year olds save money to buy their own clothing? You are crazy. That is your job. You buy what you can afford. If your budget only allows for Walmart, then so be it, although I would encourage you to use birthdays and Christmas to buy special wish list items your young teen may want. If, on the other hand, your budget allows for mall brands, then do that for godsakes. This isn’t difficult.

Parents' budgets are their own decisions. They can provide whatever brand of clothing they want. If the kids don't like it, too bad. They can spend their own money.

That’s some dysfunctional authoritarian parenting. Hope it works out for you!

+100

These are the same people who refuse to pay for college, despite having the funds. Or make their kids take loans for “skin in the game.”

What's actually dysfunctional is the posters who think everyone has to make the same parenting decisions you do. I'm not a "skin in the game" parent if it takes loans because I dislike loans more than I like skin in the game, but I certainly respect other parents' different preferences if they have different life experiences and values.

It’s hard to respect the idea that parents make all the decisions such as “all the clothes will come from Target and the kids better like it!” When it’s easy to shop sales, used promo codes and get good deals elsewhere on name brand kids clothes. When your preferences and values seem to be about exerting control and dominance because it’s your money, it doesn’t send the message you think it does.

Kids clothes yes, but these are adult. This kid doesn’t want sake or clearance. I’m not spending more on my kid and clothing than mine. And, I would shut this down quickly. And I’m a parent who spends thousands a month on activities, camps, tutoring, private lessons and more. I will not think twice in dropping hundreds on something hobby related but I’m not spending $100 for pants or a shirt or even sneakers.

The goal posts keep moving. First it was Target or nothing now it’s well, up to $100. Seems like you talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

I spend plenty and our biggest part of our budget goes to our kids as we have no mortgage and live under our means. I care more about them going debt free for college and grad school than them having a $$$ shirt they wear a dozen times.

Bottom line is you’re not that rich. You have to make financial sacrifices others don’t. To have the money to buy the shirt and then just refuse because Walmart is perfectly fine and for no other reason is twisted and controlling. Your kids will resent you later for trying to control them with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

NP. Did a 13 yo write this? OP’s kid is not deprived. She has lululemon, for cryin’ out loud. My kids have not behaved this way (fwiw, they attend economically diverse schools, and we do not overspend and are comfortable but not rich). I never behaved this way. One of my brothers wanted name brand stuff. My parents told him he could have it as birthday & Christmas presents. He ended up finding it boring to get nothing but clothes for Christmas, but OP’s kid might like it.

OP, you are doing the right thing by not giving in to shallow materialism. I agree with others that if she can earn money, or even save up a reasonable allowance, she can buy stuff for herself. Or get those kinds of things as gifts.

It’s not just about how much money you have, but also making good financial decisions (& not being wasteful). For example, even if I had several million dollars, I’m not going to pay $10 for a loaf of bread if can get it for $3 somewhere else.

Yes because 12 yr olds really care about taking good financial decisions. One would argue sending her to a wealthy private school isn't a good financial decision. She didn't choose to be there. And then her parents are jerks about buying her normal clothes.

They don't have to care about it. They're not paying the bills, their parents are, so parents decide what to buy. Princess can get a job if she doesn't like it.

There are things like labor laws to prevent 12 year old “princesses” from getting jobs. Get real.

She can save up allowance, ask for things for birthday/ holiday gifts until she's old enough to get a job. Children do not get to make financial decisions for their parents.

NP. Are you suggesting 12 year olds save money to buy their own clothing? You are crazy. That is your job. You buy what you can afford. If your budget only allows for Walmart, then so be it, although I would encourage you to use birthdays and Christmas to buy special wish list items your young teen may want. If, on the other hand, your budget allows for mall brands, then do that for godsakes. This isn’t difficult.

Parents' budgets are their own decisions. They can provide whatever brand of clothing they want. If the kids don't like it, too bad. They can spend their own money.

That’s some dysfunctional authoritarian parenting. Hope it works out for you!

+100

These are the same people who refuse to pay for college, despite having the funds. Or make their kids take loans for “skin in the game.”

What's actually dysfunctional is the posters who think everyone has to make the same parenting decisions you do. I'm not a "skin in the game" parent if it takes loans because I dislike loans more than I like skin in the game, but I certainly respect other parents' different preferences if they have different life experiences and values.

It’s hard to respect the idea that parents make all the decisions such as “all the clothes will come from Target and the kids better like it!” When it’s easy to shop sales, used promo codes and get good deals elsewhere on name brand kids clothes. When your preferences and values seem to be about exerting control and dominance because it’s your money, it doesn’t send the message you think it does.

Kids clothes yes, but these are adult. This kid doesn’t want sake or clearance. I’m not spending more on my kid and clothing than mine. And, I would shut this down quickly. And I’m a parent who spends thousands a month on activities, camps, tutoring, private lessons and more. I will not think twice in dropping hundreds on something hobby related but I’m not spending $100 for pants or a shirt or even sneakers.

The goal posts keep moving. First it was Target or nothing now it’s well, up to $100. Seems like you talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

I spend plenty and our biggest part of our budget goes to our kids as we have no mortgage and live under our means. I care more about them going debt free for college and grad school than them having a $$$ shirt they wear a dozen times.

Well, by the time they make it "debt free" to college they have no self-esteem as everybody's been laughing at them for the past decade. I never understood the cheapskates who "drop money" on tutors, but cannot buy a shirt. I for example don't have to hire tutors for my kids because they do excellent at school. I can also afford a few shirts and pants and even... a backpack! I know how to shop and I'm certain that I spend less than the Target and Walmart shoppers.

How said your your kids. No wonder they behave like they do. My kids have tons of clothing, shies, multiple backpacks and more. I doubt you spend less than me when I bargain shop and have gotten things like North Face coats for $20. Sold them for 40 as kids didn’t like them to someone like you.

You sound like someone who grew up in abject poverty and can’t escape the mindset. Sounds sad and traumatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

My teens wear walmart clothing...saying parents are unreasonably and ridicuouly cheap is crazy. Different values. She can get a job.

I would question the values of people who shop at Walmart knowing their sleazy tricks regarding employees.

If you know how to shop you can find the average teenage clothing for just a little more.

I know how to shop and they like a mix. They don’t care what brand jeans and like the Levi ones. Same with underwear.

“The Levi” ones. How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

My teens wear walmart clothing...saying parents are unreasonably and ridicuouly cheap is crazy. Different values. She can get a job.

I would question the values of people who shop at Walmart knowing their sleazy tricks regarding employees.

If you know how to shop you can find the average teenage clothing for just a little more.

The Walmart employees that do our deliveries are kind and choose to work there. They have good benefits and other perks.

They absolutely do not have good benefits, liar. You just want cheap $hit.

[Anonymous]

There is a middle ground. We do it by getting "fancier" clothes and shoes for special occasions as gifts. My ds has worn is special ALO hoodie so many times it's been well worth the price. Kids starting in tween years often have a strong desire to conform as they grow through various physical and emotional awkward phases, and social media has made that truer than back in the day. I don't think the solution is to dismiss it as shallow and make the child go only for fashion choices that will make them feel like an outsider.

I'm thankful I grew up pre-social media in the Nirvana thrift old jeans, plaid shirts and your-dad's-old-wood-sweaters era bc as a kid whose parents did not spend much, it worked out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Must really blow the budget to suddenly need an outfit for the holiday concert or family wedding. Will the parents crack open the wallet or make the girl take all the neighbors trash cans out first to earn it?

Or not, because the family didn’t waste money on overpriced name brand clothes on a regular basis. So they’ll have plenty left for special occasion purchases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Must really blow the budget to suddenly need an outfit for the holiday concert or family wedding. Will the parents crack open the wallet or make the girl take all the neighbors trash cans out first to earn it?

Or not, because the family didn’t waste money on overpriced name brand clothes on a regular basis. So they’ll have plenty left for special occasion purchases.

The extreme penny pinchers don’t seem like they would roll with it at all. Probably the types who wouldn’t buy the red sweater so their kid stands out because they shouldn’t have to buy something special they might only wear once.

[Anonymous]

My sons did not care about clothes till 7th grade. I have no girls. I was thrilled to take them to J.Crew when it was in fashion.
They're now adults and are sharp dressers. They pay for suits and other clothes with their own money. Sometimes they shop used online for good quality clothes which last longer. You can teach your children the value of money.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

NP. Did a 13 yo write this? OP’s kid is not deprived. She has lululemon, for cryin’ out loud. My kids have not behaved this way (fwiw, they attend economically diverse schools, and we do not overspend and are comfortable but not rich). I never behaved this way. One of my brothers wanted name brand stuff. My parents told him he could have it as birthday & Christmas presents. He ended up finding it boring to get nothing but clothes for Christmas, but OP’s kid might like it.

OP, you are doing the right thing by not giving in to shallow materialism. I agree with others that if she can earn money, or even save up a reasonable allowance, she can buy stuff for herself. Or get those kinds of things as gifts.

It’s not just about how much money you have, but also making good financial decisions (& not being wasteful). For example, even if I had several million dollars, I’m not going to pay $10 for a loaf of bread if can get it for $3 somewhere else.

Yes because 12 yr olds really care about taking good financial decisions. One would argue sending her to a wealthy private school isn't a good financial decision. She didn't choose to be there. And then her parents are jerks about buying her normal clothes.

They don't have to care about it. They're not paying the bills, their parents are, so parents decide what to buy. Princess can get a job if she doesn't like it.

There are things like labor laws to prevent 12 year old “princesses” from getting jobs. Get real.

She can save up allowance, ask for things for birthday/ holiday gifts until she's old enough to get a job. Children do not get to make financial decisions for their parents.

NP. Are you suggesting 12 year olds save money to buy their own clothing? You are crazy. That is your job. You buy what you can afford. If your budget only allows for Walmart, then so be it, although I would encourage you to use birthdays and Christmas to buy special wish list items your young teen may want. If, on the other hand, your budget allows for mall brands, then do that for godsakes. This isn’t difficult.

Parents' budgets are their own decisions. They can provide whatever brand of clothing they want. If the kids don't like it, too bad. They can spend their own money.

That’s some dysfunctional authoritarian parenting. Hope it works out for you!

+100

These are the same people who refuse to pay for college, despite having the funds. Or make their kids take loans for “skin in the game.”

What's actually dysfunctional is the posters who think everyone has to make the same parenting decisions you do. I'm not a "skin in the game" parent if it takes loans because I dislike loans more than I like skin in the game, but I certainly respect other parents' different preferences if they have different life experiences and values.

It’s hard to respect the idea that parents make all the decisions such as “all the clothes will come from Target and the kids better like it!” When it’s easy to shop sales, used promo codes and get good deals elsewhere on name brand kids clothes. When your preferences and values seem to be about exerting control and dominance because it’s your money, it doesn’t send the message you think it does.

Kids clothes yes, but these are adult. This kid doesn’t want sake or clearance. I’m not spending more on my kid and clothing than mine. And, I would shut this down quickly. And I’m a parent who spends thousands a month on activities, camps, tutoring, private lessons and more. I will not think twice in dropping hundreds on something hobby related but I’m not spending $100 for pants or a shirt or even sneakers.

The goal posts keep moving. First it was Target or nothing now it’s well, up to $100. Seems like you talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

I spend plenty and our biggest part of our budget goes to our kids as we have no mortgage and live under our means. I care more about them going debt free for college and grad school than them having a $$$ shirt they wear a dozen times.

Bottom line is you’re not that rich. You have to make financial sacrifices others don’t. To have the money to buy the shirt and then just refuse because Walmart is perfectly fine and for no other reason is twisted and controlling. Your kids will resent you later for trying to control them with money.

DP. We have 7 figure HHI. I am absolutely not buying multiple new backpacks per year bc teens decides what they picked out 4 months ago isn’t cool anymore. Cannot believe there are people on here that do this and think it’s fine. It isn’t. My kids wear a mix of clothing items: some basics from Target or Costco and more expensive items they asked for as gifts or picked out during back to school shopping. But I’m not repurchasing clothing frequently throughout the year because they decide they don’t like what they have anymore/it isn’t cool anymore. Please stop this insanity.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Agree with this. She just wants things her peers have and fit in. Normal stage of growing up.

But she has two miserly parents who only want the cheapest discount clothes from Target or elsewhere. Daughter probably feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb in her school environment. Why would the parents do that to her? They aren’t going to force her to see it their way. I had a friend who resorted to shoplifting because her parents were so unreasonable and ridiculously cheap and she was ashamed of her old out of style clothes.

NP. Did a 13 yo write this? OP’s kid is not deprived. She has lululemon, for cryin’ out loud. My kids have not behaved this way (fwiw, they attend economically diverse schools, and we do not overspend and are comfortable but not rich). I never behaved this way. One of my brothers wanted name brand stuff. My parents told him he could have it as birthday & Christmas presents. He ended up finding it boring to get nothing but clothes for Christmas, but OP’s kid might like it.

OP, you are doing the right thing by not giving in to shallow materialism. I agree with others that if she can earn money, or even save up a reasonable allowance, she can buy stuff for herself. Or get those kinds of things as gifts.

It’s not just about how much money you have, but also making good financial decisions (& not being wasteful). For example, even if I had several million dollars, I’m not going to pay $10 for a loaf of bread if can get it for $3 somewhere else.

Yes because 12 yr olds really care about taking good financial decisions. One would argue sending her to a wealthy private school isn't a good financial decision. She didn't choose to be there. And then her parents are jerks about buying her normal clothes.

They don't have to care about it. They're not paying the bills, their parents are, so parents decide what to buy. Princess can get a job if she doesn't like it.

There are things like labor laws to prevent 12 year old “princesses” from getting jobs. Get real.

She can save up allowance, ask for things for birthday/ holiday gifts until she's old enough to get a job. Children do not get to make financial decisions for their parents.

NP. Are you suggesting 12 year olds save money to buy their own clothing? You are crazy. That is your job. You buy what you can afford. If your budget only allows for Walmart, then so be it, although I would encourage you to use birthdays and Christmas to buy special wish list items your young teen may want. If, on the other hand, your budget allows for mall brands, then do that for godsakes. This isn’t difficult.

Parents' budgets are their own decisions. They can provide whatever brand of clothing they want. If the kids don't like it, too bad. They can spend their own money.

That’s some dysfunctional authoritarian parenting. Hope it works out for you!

+100

These are the same people who refuse to pay for college, despite having the funds. Or make their kids take loans for “skin in the game.”

What's actually dysfunctional is the posters who think everyone has to make the same parenting decisions you do. I'm not a "skin in the game" parent if it takes loans because I dislike loans more than I like skin in the game, but I certainly respect other parents' different preferences if they have different life experiences and values.

It’s hard to respect the idea that parents make all the decisions such as “all the clothes will come from Target and the kids better like it!” When it’s easy to shop sales, used promo codes and get good deals elsewhere on name brand kids clothes. When your preferences and values seem to be about exerting control and dominance because it’s your money, it doesn’t send the message you think it does.

Kids clothes yes, but these are adult. This kid doesn’t want sake or clearance. I’m not spending more on my kid and clothing than mine. And, I would shut this down quickly. And I’m a parent who spends thousands a month on activities, camps, tutoring, private lessons and more. I will not think twice in dropping hundreds on something hobby related but I’m not spending $100 for pants or a shirt or even sneakers.

The goal posts keep moving. First it was Target or nothing now it’s well, up to $100. Seems like you talk the talk but don’t walk the walk.

I spend plenty and our biggest part of our budget goes to our kids as we have no mortgage and live under our means. I care more about them going debt free for college and grad school than them having a $$$ shirt they wear a dozen times.

Bottom line is you’re not that rich. You have to make financial sacrifices others don’t. To have the money to buy the shirt and then just refuse because Walmart is perfectly fine and for no other reason is twisted and controlling. Your kids will resent you later for trying to control them with money.

DP. We have 7 figure HHI. I am absolutely not buying multiple new backpacks per year bc teens decides what they picked out 4 months ago isn’t cool anymore. Cannot believe there are people on here that do this and think it’s fine. It isn’t. My kids wear a mix of clothing items: some basics from Target or Costco and more expensive items they asked for as gifts or picked out during back to school shopping. But I’m not repurchasing clothing frequently throughout the year because they decide they don’t like what they have anymore/it isn’t cool anymore. Please stop this insanity.

OP is clearly not a reliable narrator. The backpack was a complete hypothetical and didn’t happen. Same with the Lululemon story about what supposedly the daughter picked out vs what was bought. DD sounds perfectly normal, wanting to fit in. But the advice in here is hysterical with the people who raised boys 30 years ago claiming they only bought jeans at Walmart and never what the kid actually wanted, and because they raised boys the boys never cared much about clothes anyway. So applicable to raising a tween girl put into a wealthy private school trying to keep up.