Why do people get so much angrier at women having babies over 45 than men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People can be so quick to judge. Women should be free to make their own choices. If a women chooses to have a baby at 19, that’s her decision and is absolutely okay. If someone else chooses to have a baby at 47, that’s also fine. Whether a woman wants one child or ten, it’s her life and her choice—and it doesn’t affect anyone else.

And to respond to the OP’s question, people tend to judge older moms because they expect women to stay young and fertile forever. But there’s no real reason for one middle-aged woman to judge another for having a baby. That mindset comes from the harmful belief that once women reach a certain age, they’re somehow no longer valuable to society, so that’s the idea that middle aged women are promoting by judging other middle aged women for having a child.

If she bought another woman's eggs to have that baby, it affects all fertile women. This practice puts women's bodies and our reproductive materials on the open market. It's unregulated and dangerous.

[Anonymous]

I had twins (naturally) unexpectedly at 48. I already had two kids at 29, and 31. Everyone around me was supportive but not everyone is that lucky, unfortunately. My twins are now turning 8, and they’re 99 percentile academically, beautiful, amazing, and healthy kids. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience women get judgmental when they are triggered by jealousy or their own insecurity.

My guess is any woman out there that is upset by a 40+ woman having a baby falls into one of these categories:

1.) Infertile herself
2.) Regrets not having another baby
3.) Had babies much earlier in life and misses having a baby/little kid

Anyone else would be happy for an expecting mom at any age.

You missed one.

4.) had one parent diagnosed with dementia at 65.

No one is in full control of their health, but the risks increase dramatically the older you are.

It pisses me off to hear that parents are bending the rules of nature to have trophy babies in their 40s and 50s, when the risks of leaving that child caring for YOU are so high. Nature doesn't allow this because it's not how it should work. Money doesn't protect you.

Just because your family has a history of dementia, it doesn't mean another woman shouldn't pursue her desire to have a baby at 40+. Usually people with extended fertility also have excellent longevity.

[Anonymous]

It’s because people think they have the universe figured out and a 43 yr old mom doesn’t fit into their vision.

But they are wearing blinkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can be so quick to judge. Women should be free to make their own choices. If a women chooses to have a baby at 19, that’s her decision and is absolutely okay. If someone else chooses to have a baby at 47, that’s also fine. Whether a woman wants one child or ten, it’s her life and her choice—and it doesn’t affect anyone else.

And to respond to the OP’s question, people tend to judge older moms because they expect women to stay young and fertile forever. But there’s no real reason for one middle-aged woman to judge another for having a baby. That mindset comes from the harmful belief that once women reach a certain age, they’re somehow no longer valuable to society, so that’s the idea that middle aged women are promoting by judging other middle aged women for having a child.

If she bought another woman's eggs to have that baby, it affects all fertile women. This practice puts women's bodies and our reproductive materials on the open market. It's unregulated and dangerous.

So the other woman in your scenario has no agency? Better that she do as you tell her, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally every woman we know who had a child around or after 40 has a child with health complications - from allergies to extreme disabilities.

Health issues with the child are nowhere close to the same with the fathers over 40.

You must not be local to northern va? I run into a lot of “older moms” in my tiny social circle. Kids are all fine and rich.

Hard to believe none of those kids have issues requiring special ed support.

I live in northern Virginia in a wealthy area. (We chose the cheapest home in the good school neighborhood). This is not true. They may be rich, but there absolutely are a large number of kids with a range from mild to significant special needs with older moms and it's more so than those with younger. It's not PC to say it, but not only do I see it, but the research on risk would suggest what I see is likely to be accurate. You may know people who used surrogates, adopted, or just got really lucky. It's not that every older mom has a child with special needs. It's that the chances go up significantly.

PP here. I work in the Special Education field and agree with all you said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women have been having babies in their forties for thousands of years.

Both sides of my family tree have women that had their last baby in their forties. Guess what? None of my aunts/uncles were handicapped or disabled. All blessed with great longevity too.

Maybe my family is just super fertile but age hasn’t been an obstacle in conceiving.

I’ve kept the legacy going by having my 4th baby last October at the ripe age of 42.

Might be anecdotal but first baby in 40s vs. last baby in 40s are very different stories. For women who have had babies younger already, it tends to go a lot more smoothly.

+1 definitely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience women get judgmental when they are triggered by jealousy or their own insecurity.

My guess is any woman out there that is upset by a 40+ woman having a baby falls into one of these categories:

1.) Infertile herself
2.) Regrets not having another baby
3.) Had babies much earlier in life and misses having a baby/little kid

Anyone else would be happy for an expecting mom at any age.

You missed one.

4.) had one parent diagnosed with dementia at 65.

No one is in full control of their health, but the risks increase dramatically the older you are.

It pisses me off to hear that parents are bending the rules of nature to have trophy babies in their 40s and 50s, when the risks of leaving that child caring for YOU are so high. Nature doesn't allow this because it's not how it should work. Money doesn't protect you.

Wow, way to belittle a woman's desire to have children. You are being ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience women get judgmental when they are triggered by jealousy or their own insecurity.

My guess is any woman out there that is upset by a 40+ woman having a baby falls into one of these categories:

1.) Infertile herself
2.) Regrets not having another baby
3.) Had babies much earlier in life and misses having a baby/little kid

Anyone else would be happy for an expecting mom at any age.

You missed one.

4.) had one parent diagnosed with dementia at 65.

No one is in full control of their health, but the risks increase dramatically the older you are.

It pisses me off to hear that parents are bending the rules of nature to have trophy babies in their 40s and 50s, when the risks of leaving that child caring for YOU are so high. Nature doesn't allow this because it's not how it should work. Money doesn't protect you.

What’s a “trophy baby,” pray tell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally every woman we know who had a child around or after 40 has a child with health complications - from allergies to extreme disabilities.

Health issues with the child are nowhere close to the same with the fathers over 40.

You must not be local to northern va? I run into a lot of “older moms” in my tiny social circle. Kids are all fine and rich.

Hard to believe none of those kids have issues requiring special ed support.

I live in northern Virginia in a wealthy area. (We chose the cheapest home in the good school neighborhood). This is not true. They may be rich, but there absolutely are a large number of kids with a range from mild to significant special needs with older moms and it's more so than those with younger. It's not PC to say it, but not only do I see it, but the research on risk would suggest what I see is likely to be accurate. You may know people who used surrogates, adopted, or just got really lucky. It's not that every older mom has a child with special needs. It's that the chances go up significantly.

PP here. I work in the Special Education field and agree with all you said.

NP. All these responses are the reason why I keep my mouth shut about my age at the birth of my two kids, the older of which has SN. And fine, pp, you can observe all you want, but if you go to a low-income area Infants and Toddlers classes are full of young moms and their brown kids. They just didn't have the money to do the prenatal testing and abort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience women get judgmental when they are triggered by jealousy or their own insecurity.

My guess is any woman out there that is upset by a 40+ woman having a baby falls into one of these categories:

1.) Infertile herself
2.) Regrets not having another baby
3.) Had babies much earlier in life and misses having a baby/little kid

Anyone else would be happy for an expecting mom at any age.

You missed one.

4.) had one parent diagnosed with dementia at 65.

No one is in full control of their health, but the risks increase dramatically the older you are.

It pisses me off to hear that parents are bending the rules of nature to have trophy babies in their 40s and 50s, when the risks of leaving that child caring for YOU are so high. Nature doesn't allow this because it's not how it should work. Money doesn't protect you.

Wow, way to belittle a woman's desire to have children. You are being ridiculous.

Most women can get pregnant aroubd the age of 15 or a little ylunger. To think that having a first chikd 25 years later is going to be just fine is very naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Literally no one cares! People mind their own business.

This is certainly how it should be, but if you think this is how it actually is you are naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience women get judgmental when they are triggered by jealousy or their own insecurity.

My guess is any woman out there that is upset by a 40+ woman having a baby falls into one of these categories:

1.) Infertile herself
2.) Regrets not having another baby
3.) Had babies much earlier in life and misses having a baby/little kid

Anyone else would be happy for an expecting mom at any age.

You missed one.

4.) had one parent diagnosed with dementia at 65.

No one is in full control of their health, but the risks increase dramatically the older you are.

It pisses me off to hear that parents are bending the rules of nature to have trophy babies in their 40s and 50s, when the risks of leaving that child caring for YOU are so high. Nature doesn't allow this because it's not how it should work. Money doesn't protect you.

Wow, way to belittle a woman's desire to have children. You are being ridiculous.

Most women can get pregnant aroubd the age of 15 or a little ylunger. To think that having a first chikd 25 years later is going to be just fine is very naive.

So now you want children to get pregnant? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience women get judgmental when they are triggered by jealousy or their own insecurity.

My guess is any woman out there that is upset by a 40+ woman having a baby falls into one of these categories:

1.) Infertile herself
2.) Regrets not having another baby
3.) Had babies much earlier in life and misses having a baby/little kid

Anyone else would be happy for an expecting mom at any age.

Theres a 4.) I’ve seen a lot in my workplace, I had mine at 34 so this is observation only.

The women who had their babies at 25-35 weren’t in very senior roles. They had to fight for nursing room privacy and make do with whatever daycare options and parental leave they could afford. They were by and large mommy-tracked. The women over 40 are Director level and above, with private offices, night-nannies and their kids will go to private school. Even if the younger moms are now in those Director jobs as well they resent seeing people have it “easier” than they did and pick a reason to tear them down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not natural. And it's not healthy for the mom or baby.

This is not true. Before birth control women had children into their 40s all the time.