Harsh comment on being a Sahm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not just let that comment slide without a family meeting where both you and dad calmly address this extremely rude comment set her straight. I currently work full time again but I also know what it's like to be a SAHM and this is just plain disrespectful.

This. I wouldn’t let that slide. I probably wouldn’t have a family meeting. I would have let out an exaggerated gasp at the comment and then just stared, shocked, until they apologized. I might have made them repeat it.

I may even jokingly repeat it every time I do something for them and make it into kind of a family joke.

[Anonymous]

It is a very rude comment and and totally fair to object to it. I would’ve replied “running a household is a lot of work and it’s a lot of work that benefits you.“ However, and I don’t say this to pick a fight, but acting as a concierge towards your kids does have downsides. combine that with teenage attitude and the potential for these kind of comments exists. I would deliberately scale back how much you’re doing for them and require them to shoulder the load tell them you’re preparing to go back to work. Doesn’t really matter if it’s true.

[Anonymous]

But they don’t have time for chores because of they are over scheduled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

Where do you think that a middle aged woman with decades long gap in her resume is going to find work? She's useless on the market.

[Anonymous]

It’s disrespectful but teens can also be rude and very self involved. I’m not a SAHM and my teens have certainly made comments about how my life and schedule are so much easier than theirs.

[Anonymous]

I am not reading all the comments, so you may have addressed this. While they should not be making rude comments, have you shown them any empathy for how busy they are? I am sure running your household is not all that stimulating, but is it really that hard? Even with both my husband and I having demanding jobs and running our household, I would still say my teenage son has far more pressure on him than we have. And far less free time. And my kid is not is nearly as many activities as some kids.

I suggest correcting the rudeness, but you also may - if you are not already - show some empathy. Being a teen is not easy. The pressure to constantly get good grades, be in activities, and stay on top socially, is a lot. It is ok to admit your kids are busier than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not reading all the comments, so you may have addressed this. While they should not be making rude comments, have you shown them any empathy for how busy they are? I am sure running your household is not all that stimulating, but is it really that hard? Even with both my husband and I having demanding jobs and running our household, I would still say my teenage son has far more pressure on him than we have. And far less free time. And my kid is not is nearly as many activities as some kids.

I suggest correcting the rudeness, but you also may - if you are not already - show some empathy. Being a teen is not easy. The pressure to constantly get good grades, be in activities, and stay on top socially, is a lot. It is ok to admit your kids are busier than you.

This such a good point. There’s so much pressure on teens these days between the more intense college demands (good grades in hard classes, tons of activities, good test scores, community service, start a club!) and how social media can mess them up socially. It’s a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think I need to justify to anyone, especially a child, why I made the decision to be a SAHM. The OP’s child made a nasty comment to his mother. In my house, that would happen one time. First and foremost, my DH would have reacted to this inappropriate comment. If it happened again, his kid’s sweet life would change.

So not only do you do nothing during the day, you can’t even discipline your own child? Seriously what are you people doing all day??

This! Of course Dad should support you. But honestly, this is Mom’s “kid being a snot” issue to deal with. Why the heck would you allow this to become about how Dad would discipline?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because I can! And I like to play tennis and do pilates after drop-off b/c I am #1 chauffeur from 3-9 pm with sports, activities, etc.

I like doing stuff like this too. I feel bad for my kids that they have no free time. Their homework load IS kind of awful

So why don’t you encourage your kids to scale back and take fewer AP classes? I personally believe that powering through and hard work is something you have to practice every day. I want to pass those values to my kids. So when they complain about HW, I talk about how pushing through is important and that training yourself how to put in the effort will help you in the long run. At some point, things click and you are just a different and more capable version of yourself. I believe that completely. Those of you that don’t think that model is healthy and have chosen a different path for your families. Why don’t you encourage your kids to step back too?

[Anonymous]

“You’d be surprised at how busy my days are.”

The end.

You don’t need to justify it to your kids, and they get to be ignorant teens, as many of us were about all kinds of different things.

Don’t take it personally and don’t base your self-worth on stupid stuff your kids say.

When they’re older they’ll realize how much you did for them and feel like fools for saying anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Wasn’t there are thread on here recently asking how much you should pay a live in nanny who: cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids etc etc etc? And wasn’t the general answer something like “if you can find a unicorn like that you should pay them a 6 figure income because you’re asking them to take care of your kids AND the house which are separate professions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not reading all the comments, so you may have addressed this. While they should not be making rude comments, have you shown them any empathy for how busy they are? I am sure running your household is not all that stimulating, but is it really that hard? Even with both my husband and I having demanding jobs and running our household, I would still say my teenage son has far more pressure on him than we have. And far less free time. And my kid is not is nearly as many activities as some kids.

I suggest correcting the rudeness, but you also may - if you are not already - show some empathy. Being a teen is not easy. The pressure to constantly get good grades, be in activities, and stay on top socially, is a lot. It is ok to admit your kids are busier than you.

Maybe it is a good thing that OP is less busy than the teens are. If everyone is maximally busy, then no one has time to make space for others and to be present and be there when they need a little extra support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Wasn’t there are thread on here recently asking how much you should pay a live in nanny who: cooks, cleans, takes care of the kids etc etc etc? And wasn’t the general answer something like “if you can find a unicorn like that you should pay them a 6 figure income because you’re asking them to take care of your kids AND the house which are separate professions?

Yep.
People vastly underestimate what it takes to do all of these things and do them well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, teenagers aren’t very subtle but it is a valid question. Why do you need to be at home all day and not at work? It isn’t the 1950s. Hire a cleaner and order everything like groceries, etc.

Because your identity and value as a human being is not, and should not, be tied to paid work. Drill that into your thick head.

She’s a dependent, just like her kids. Not a good look for an educated adult who is perfectly capable of working but would rather play tennis.

If the things she is doing are worth paying someone for, like cooking, cleaning, driving the kids, then she is not a dependent. She is doing unpaid work. Not to mention the amount you would have to pay for all of that would likely exceed what a moderate to moderately high earner would earn.

You are sick person if you would deprive someone who does unpaid work a couple of hours of relaxation time or resources for themself. OP is doing work in the evening hours while many people are chilling in front of the TV.

Lol she told us she would rather play tennis. I doubt she spends her day doing chores. Everything is outsourced. But yes she is working so hard!