Seeking Advice: Nanny Refuses to Drive Teen After Weed Incident

[Anonymous]

We are currently facing a challenging situation

with our nanny

No you're not. How ridiculous to lead with this! You are in such bad denial re: you teen, it's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies, but it seems like you are not getting much helpful advice, OP.

Personally, I would offer to reimburse nanny for consulting with a lawyer on what her responsibility would be if the child had weed in their possession while she was driving.

This will either reassure the nanny or she will dig in her heels, and either way you have your answer.

This solution would make sense if the nanny were an upper middle class US-born citizen. However, I'm guessing that's not the case here and it alarms me that op isn't considering the race and class factors that are likely in the mix here.

If we just start with the obvious part, domestic labor is primarily done by immigrants in this country. If the nanny has any sort of pending immigration status, or if she is on DACA, the smallest violation could cost her status.

Assuming she isn't white, she has a higher likelihood of being pulled over, regardless of whether she is following the law. So her chances of being pulled over are higher, and we know there's a likelihood that she will be transporting someone carrying drugs.

Finally, being reassured by a lawyer that things would probably be fine only works if you grew up in place where the rule of law could be trusted. That does not describe much of the world, or even much of the United States.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Nanny knows your kid and your parenting. She knows the marijuana use is ongoing and that the matter has not really been dealt with.

This seems key to me. Your nanny knows your son and your family and she believes he is going to bring weed in the car with him while she’s driving again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone carrying on about the nanny doing something illegal. Isn't marijuana legal in DC, MD, and VA for adults? Exactly what would the nanny be getting arrested for?

1. OP did not state the nanny’s age. If under 21, alleged possession could still be an issue. And there is the long shot federal exposure as well.

2. While the likelihood of the nanny getting charged at all nonetheless seems pretty slim, and the likelihood of conviction even lower, it only takes one bad-attitude cop to screw up her life. She doesn’t owe OP that.

3. The nanny needs a new job and the OP should provide a significant severance benefit and references to facilitate that.

4. The OP’s problem isn’t the nanny, it’s her druggie son. The first thing she needs to do is stop calling marijuana by cutesy nicknames and get serious about her son’s drug abuse. One of the hallmarks of a drug problem is that it interferes with social/occupational functioning, and here we are with the drug possession causing problems with the nanny (social) and getting to school and activities (occupational).

It’s wild to me that without any known facts besides this one incident you’re declaring a teen a “druggie,” saying he has drug abuse issues, and that weed is a “cute nickname” for marijuana.

For all you know this kid has only smoked a few times and this was his first possession (sounds like he wasn’t very skilled at not getting caught). Perhaps he’s had consequences that will make him not do this again. Or maybe not. We really don’t know. But there is so much speculative fiction going on in this thread like that he goes to private school and hasn’t been adequately punished. And I’m not sure how calling it weed is some cutesy name. Weed, pot, marijuana. It’s all the same thing and easily known what it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone carrying on about the nanny doing something illegal. Isn't marijuana legal in DC, MD, and VA for adults? Exactly what would the nanny be getting arrested for?

1. OP did not state the nanny’s age. If under 21, alleged possession could still be an issue. And there is the long shot federal exposure as well.

2. While the likelihood of the nanny getting charged at all nonetheless seems pretty slim, and the likelihood of conviction even lower, it only takes one bad-attitude cop to screw up her life. She doesn’t owe OP that.

3. The nanny needs a new job and the OP should provide a significant severance benefit and references to facilitate that.

4. The OP’s problem isn’t the nanny, it’s her druggie son. The first thing she needs to do is stop calling marijuana by cutesy nicknames and get serious about her son’s drug abuse. One of the hallmarks of a drug problem is that it interferes with social/occupational functioning, and here we are with the drug possession causing problems with the nanny (social) and getting to school and activities (occupational).

It’s wild to me that without any known facts besides this one incident you’re declaring a teen a “druggie,” saying he has drug abuse issues, and that weed is a “cute nickname” for marijuana.

For all you know this kid has only smoked a few times and this was his first possession (sounds like he wasn’t very skilled at not getting caught). Perhaps he’s had consequences that will make him not do this again. Or maybe not. We really don’t know. But there is so much speculative fiction going on in this thread like that he goes to private school and hasn’t been adequately punished. And I’m not sure how calling it weed is some cutesy name. Weed, pot, marijuana. It’s all the same thing and easily known what it means.

What we do know is that this nanny, who knows the son and family, does not have confidence that the situation has been “handled.”

[Anonymous]

Love how OP's priority is how she can find a way to continue to fail to raise her child, without interruptions to her bust schedule

[Anonymous]

Have we even got to the part where the nanny is facing the risk of driving a dead body around because the kid got some weed juiced with fentanyl?

[Anonymous]

OP here. To clarify, we have taken severe action in response to our teen's behavior. We are not lenient parents; this was the first incident, and we caught it because we noticed unusual behavior and conducted a search. We've informed the nanny that the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Our nanny is legally employed, and we handle all taxes properly, so there are no immigration issues involved. This thread is meant to address an employment concern, specifically our nanny's reluctance to drive our teen due to potential legal risks.

Please, let's focus on the employment issue at hand. How can we address our nanny's concerns and find a solution that works for everyone involved?

[Anonymous]

This child needs a bicycle or a drug sniffing dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we have taken severe action in response to our teen's behavior. We are not lenient parents; this was the first incident, and we caught it because we noticed unusual behavior and conducted a search. We've informed the nanny that the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Our nanny is legally employed, and we handle all taxes properly, so there are no immigration issues involved. This thread is meant to address an employment concern, specifically our nanny's reluctance to drive our teen due to potential legal risks.

Please, let's focus on the employment issue at hand. How can we address our nanny's concerns and find a solution that works for everyone involved?

You cant. She said no. So either find a different route for your son or give your nanny a severance and 2 weeks notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

Bravo to the nanny.

[Anonymous]

the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Wishful thinking. Your Nanny should not have to assume what you say is true, because who knows? She should find another job. Hope she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we have taken severe action in response to our teen's behavior. We are not lenient parents; this was the first incident, and we caught it because we noticed unusual behavior and conducted a search. We've informed the nanny that the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Our nanny is legally employed, and we handle all taxes properly, so there are no immigration issues involved. This thread is meant to address an employment concern, specifically our nanny's reluctance to drive our teen due to potential legal risks.

Please, let's focus on the employment issue at hand. How can we address our nanny's concerns and find a solution that works for everyone involved?

You address the concerns by having your DS stay at home for the rest of the summer and the nanny drives your other kids.

[Anonymous]

Be sure to tell the next driver about the weed incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we have taken severe action in response to our teen's behavior. We are not lenient parents; this was the first incident, and we caught it because we noticed unusual behavior and conducted a search. We've informed the nanny that the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Our nanny is legally employed, and we handle all taxes properly, so there are no immigration issues involved. This thread is meant to address an employment concern, specifically our nanny's reluctance to drive our teen due to potential legal risks.

Please, let's focus on the employment issue at hand. How can we address our nanny's concerns and find a solution that works for everyone involved?

You sit down with her and say you respect her concerns. Ask her if she will be comfortable if you tell him he has to empty his pockets about before every ride and no more bags in the car (carries his equipment in his hands). If that’s not enough, ask if daily drug testing will be sufficient. If that’s not enough, your choices are — tell kid he must take public bus to practice; tell kid he needs to quit team; have kid take Uber to practice (and get a job to pay for Uber); find a new nanny.