Seeking Advice: Nanny Refuses to Drive Teen After Weed Incident

[Anonymous]

Can you post the nanny’s info, I’m sure she could be hired by a normal family in a minute.

[Anonymous]

He helped cause this problem. He should help figure out the solution. How does he plan to make it right with the nanny? How does he think he should get to camp?

I’m also a parent of kids around that age. Your posts sound naive and it seems like you are much more focused on assuming the weed issue is fixed so you can get back to your orderly schedule.

[Anonymous]

I think you are naive to think it can’t happen again.

Since this is a legal situation, your best bet would be to get legal advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love how OP's priority is how she can find a way to continue to fail to raise her child, without interruptions to her bust schedule

Yup. Heaven forbid her child, abusing drugs, should need his parent around once in a while! She's far too busy to care, just let the nanny deal with it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have we even got to the part where the nanny is facing the risk of driving a dead body around because the kid got some weed juiced with fentanyl?

Saving that for page 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we have taken severe action in response to our teen's behavior. We are not lenient parents; this was the first incident, and we caught it because we noticed unusual behavior and conducted a search. We've informed the nanny that the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Our nanny is legally employed, and we handle all taxes properly, so there are no immigration issues involved. This thread is meant to address an employment concern, specifically our nanny's reluctance to drive our teen due to potential legal risks.

Please, let's focus on the employment issue at hand. How can we address our nanny's concerns and find a solution that works for everyone involved?

You address the concerns by having your DS stay at home for the rest of the summer and the nanny drives your other kids.

Amen. Without screens.

[Anonymous]

Take everything out of his room. Remove the door. Only wears clothes without pockets. You check crevices for drugs each morning and watch him get dressed in clothes you’ve provided and checked. No electronics because they use those to buy drugs. Drug test daily. Once he’s clean maybe she’ll trust him and the situation again. If she’s taking him to and/from camps though he could get drugs there. So you’re going to need to be good with strip searchers or drug dog sniffing him before entering the car. Easier just to keep him home all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we have taken severe action in response to our teen's behavior. We are not lenient parents; this was the first incident, and we caught it because we noticed unusual behavior and conducted a search. We've informed the nanny that the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Our nanny is legally employed, and we handle all taxes properly, so there are no immigration issues involved. This thread is meant to address an employment concern, specifically our nanny's reluctance to drive our teen due to potential legal risks.

Please, let's focus on the employment issue at hand. How can we address our nanny's concerns and find a solution that works for everyone involved?

You cant. She said no. So either find a different route for your son or give your nanny a severance and 2 weeks notice.

Ideally you help her find another job so she doesn’t file for unemployment and doesn’t state she was fired/quit because of DS’s illegal drug use. You don’t want that information in a public file.

[Anonymous]

OP keeps saying the teen is "handled" but to me, handling it would be the natural consequence of this person not being able to take them around. Kid stays home. The end.

OR you as a parent step up and drive him. You are the only one who should assume this risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we have taken severe action in response to our teen's behavior. We are not lenient parents; this was the first incident, and we caught it because we noticed unusual behavior and conducted a search. We've informed the nanny that the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Our nanny is legally employed, and we handle all taxes properly, so there are no immigration issues involved. This thread is meant to address an employment concern, specifically our nanny's reluctance to drive our teen due to potential legal risks.

Please, let's focus on the employment issue at hand. How can we address our nanny's concerns and find a solution that works for everyone involved?

Why shouldn't she worry? That's just a weird statement. You can't guarantee it won't happen again, even if you punished the kid out the wazoo. Kids are kids. And drugs are appealing.

[Anonymous]

OP: I gave severe consequences
Also OP: My sweet baby child needs someone to drive him to his super cool fun camps all summer

Hilarious that OP thinks this was the first time. No, sweet darling, just the first time he got caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone carrying on about the nanny doing something illegal. Isn't marijuana legal in DC, MD, and VA for adults? Exactly what would the nanny be getting arrested for?

1. OP did not state the nanny’s age. If under 21, alleged possession could still be an issue. And there is the long shot federal exposure as well.

2. While the likelihood of the nanny getting charged at all nonetheless seems pretty slim, and the likelihood of conviction even lower, it only takes one bad-attitude cop to screw up her life. She doesn’t owe OP that.

3. The nanny needs a new job and the OP should provide a significant severance benefit and references to facilitate that.

4. The OP’s problem isn’t the nanny, it’s her druggie son. The first thing she needs to do is stop calling marijuana by cutesy nicknames and get serious about her son’s drug abuse. One of the hallmarks of a drug problem is that it interferes with social/occupational functioning, and here we are with the drug possession causing problems with the nanny (social) and getting to school and activities (occupational).

It’s wild to me that without any known facts besides this one incident you’re declaring a teen a “druggie,” saying he has drug abuse issues, and that weed is a “cute nickname” for marijuana.

For all you know this kid has only smoked a few times and this was his first possession (sounds like he wasn’t very skilled at not getting caught). Perhaps he’s had consequences that will make him not do this again. Or maybe not. We really don’t know. But there is so much speculative fiction going on in this thread like that he goes to private school and hasn’t been adequately punished. And I’m not sure how calling it weed is some cutesy name. Weed, pot, marijuana. It’s all the same thing and easily known what it means.

Calling drugs cutesy nicknames minimizes the severity of them. “Weed culture” got its start decades ago, when marijuana was dramatically less powerful than it is today, and much of what was on the market was homegrown or otherwise even less powerful than what was imported, typically from Mexico. Marijuana today is extremely powerful. It is anything but innocuous. In a juvenile it can cause permanent harm. It is linked to psychiatric disorders. It is addictive. And, as at least one PP observed, it is not infrequently adulterated with other substances, some of which can be fatal.

Whether this kid has used marijuana “a few” (unlikely, since he’s keeping a supply and carrying it around) or many times, the fact remains that his behavior and the fact that he apparently can’t be trusted to not have or use marijuana crosses the threshold to being objectively symptomatic of a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies, but it seems like you are not getting much helpful advice, OP.

Personally, I would offer to reimburse nanny for consulting with a lawyer on what her responsibility would be if the child had weed in their possession while she was driving.

This will either reassure the nanny or she will dig in her heels, and either way you have your answer.

This solution would make sense if the nanny were an upper middle class US-born citizen. However, I'm guessing that's not the case here and it alarms me that op isn't considering the race and class factors that are likely in the mix here.

If we just start with the obvious part, domestic labor is primarily done by immigrants in this country. If the nanny has any sort of pending immigration status, or if she is on DACA, the smallest violation could cost her status.

Assuming she isn't white, she has a higher likelihood of being pulled over, regardless of whether she is following the law. So her chances of being pulled over are higher, and we know there's a likelihood that she will be transporting someone carrying drugs.

Finally, being reassured by a lawyer that things would probably be fine only works if you grew up in place where the rule of law could be trusted. That does not describe much of the world, or even much of the United States.

Good post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, we have taken severe action in response to our teen's behavior. We are not lenient parents; this was the first incident, and we caught it because we noticed unusual behavior and conducted a search. We've informed the nanny that the situation has been dealt with and assured her that she doesn't need to worry about it happening again.

Our nanny is legally employed, and we handle all taxes properly, so there are no immigration issues involved. This thread is meant to address an employment concern, specifically our nanny's reluctance to drive our teen due to potential legal risks.

Please, let's focus on the employment issue at hand. How can we address our nanny's concerns and find a solution that works for everyone involved?

I don't think you are listening here. Your nanny being legally employed and you paying taxes protects you. But that's not what is being discussed. If your nanny is a green card holder, or DACA recipient, or anything but a naturalized or native-born US citizen, then contact with law enforcement could jeopardize her status, regardless of how you are paying her.

Moreover, if she is from a place (either in the US or abroad) where law enforcement is corrupt or acts with racial bias, she could have a legitimate fear of being put in a position where she needs to interact with police.

Calling all of that paranoia suggests that you are extremely sheltered.

[Anonymous]

Whether this kid has used marijuana “a few” (unlikely, since he’s keeping a supply and carrying it around) or many times, the fact remains that his behavior and the fact that he apparently can’t be trusted to not have or use marijuana crosses the threshold to being objectively symptomatic of a problem.

This is a great point. I am the parent of teens, and I'm not assuming my kids have never tried marijuana or alcohol. However, trying it usually means you are in a social situation and someone else (a more frequent drug user) shares it. In this scenario, OP's son IS the more frequent drug user who carries around a supply of marijuana.