I want my kids to go to top schools. Sue me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

I don't know why it isnt acceptable while joining top sports teams is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

If you already are doing test prep for a rising sophomore then you are overreaching. Same if you used outside tutors or “enrichment “ to get the kid in the top math group(usually top 25-30% of a private school is the top math track). The kids who academically have the chops for being unhooked at T20 are naturally in the math group of the top 20-30% of their private school, are invited by 8th grade teachers into the highest level courses for 9th, no parent pushing, and typically have minimal 98th%ile on their own on Psat 8/9 or the private schools (unprepped) CTP or similar tests. At most too private day schools that send 15-20% of the unhooked class to T20s, those kids have no trouble scoring high on tests and getting into the top math track. Your private school should have given you results along the way, from elementary to middle. If the kid is not naturally there, it is a mistake to pushT20 if they are unhooked. It is highly unlikely they will get in.

I agree with this. If your child is recommended for the second group in math based on her ability and the parents have her go to “math school” and private tutor 4x a week to push her up to the top math group, she’ll always struggle in that group and need someone to help her. She’ll never be on the level as those kids who do the work without assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why so defensive?

Thoughts?

Ego. She sees her kids as an extension of herself and her own need to be better than others. When others put down top schools, she sees this as an attack on herself.

The same can be said for people not aiming for "top schools" while attacking those who are aiming for "top schools." They see this goal as an attack on themselves.

No. Some parents are smart enough and secure enough to know that based on their child’s performance in school and personality, a top pressure school wouldn’t be a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to HYP too. I'm secretly gunning to get my kid into my alma mater, but I try to be cool about it. I'd be thrilled with another T25 and happy with our state flagship. Below that, I don't know.

Is your child an exact replica of you? If not you might want to pay attention to your child’s interests and strengths and weaknesses in order to help her find the perfect school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

If you already are doing test prep for a rising sophomore then you are overreaching. Same if you used outside tutors or “enrichment “ to get the kid in the top math group(usually top 25-30% of a private school is the top math track). The kids who academically have the chops for being unhooked at T20 are naturally in the math group of the top 20-30% of their private school, are invited by 8th grade teachers into the highest level courses for 9th, no parent pushing, and typically have minimal 98th%ile on their own on Psat 8/9 or the private schools (unprepped) CTP or similar tests. At most too private day schools that send 15-20% of the unhooked class to T20s, those kids have no trouble scoring high on tests and getting into the top math track. Your private school should have given you results along the way, from elementary to middle. If the kid is not naturally there, it is a mistake to pushT20 if they are unhooked. It is highly unlikely they will get in.

I agree with this. If your child is recommended for the second group in math based on her ability and the parents have her go to “math school” and private tutor 4x a week to push her up to the top math group, she’ll always struggle in that group and need someone to help her. She’ll never be on the level as those kids who do the work without assistance.

Many parents are good at math, and can tutor their kids on a daily basis. These kids typically do extremely well in high school and remain high performing in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

If you already are doing test prep for a rising sophomore then you are overreaching. Same if you used outside tutors or “enrichment “ to get the kid in the top math group(usually top 25-30% of a private school is the top math track). The kids who academically have the chops for being unhooked at T20 are naturally in the math group of the top 20-30% of their private school, are invited by 8th grade teachers into the highest level courses for 9th, no parent pushing, and typically have minimal 98th%ile on their own on Psat 8/9 or the private schools (unprepped) CTP or similar tests. At most too private day schools that send 15-20% of the unhooked class to T20s, those kids have no trouble scoring high on tests and getting into the top math track. Your private school should have given you results along the way, from elementary to middle. If the kid is not naturally there, it is a mistake to pushT20 if they are unhooked. It is highly unlikely they will get in.

NMSQT is fall of junior year, and NMF status can be a lifesaver for many donut hole families who can get many full tuition/full ride scholarships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why so defensive?

Thoughts?

Ego. She sees her kids as an extension of herself and her own need to be better than others. When others put down top schools, she sees this as an attack on herself.

The same can be said for people not aiming for "top schools" while attacking those who are aiming for "top schools." They see this goal as an attack on themselves.

No. Some parents are smart enough and secure enough to know that based on their child’s performance in school and personality, a top pressure school wouldn’t be a good fit.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to HYP too. I'm secretly gunning to get my kid into my alma mater, but I try to be cool about it. I'd be thrilled with another T25 and happy with our state flagship. Below that, I don't know.

Is your child an exact replica of you? If not you might want to pay attention to your child’s interests and strengths and weaknesses in order to help her find the perfect school.

I love this implication that the "perfect school" is like CNU or a CTCL and not like Rice or something. How do you know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

If you already are doing test prep for a rising sophomore then you are overreaching. Same if you used outside tutors or “enrichment “ to get the kid in the top math group(usually top 25-30% of a private school is the top math track). The kids who academically have the chops for being unhooked at T20 are naturally in the math group of the top 20-30% of their private school, are invited by 8th grade teachers into the highest level courses for 9th, no parent pushing, and typically have minimal 98th%ile on their own on Psat 8/9 or the private schools (unprepped) CTP or similar tests. At most too private day schools that send 15-20% of the unhooked class to T20s, those kids have no trouble scoring high on tests and getting into the top math track. Your private school should have given you results along the way, from elementary to middle. If the kid is not naturally there, it is a mistake to pushT20 if they are unhooked. It is highly unlikely they will get in.

I agree with this. If your child is recommended for the second group in math based on her ability and the parents have her go to “math school” and private tutor 4x a week to push her up to the top math group, she’ll always struggle in that group and need someone to help her. She’ll never be on the level as those kids who do the work without assistance.

Many parents are good at math, and can tutor their kids on a daily basis. These kids typically do extremely well in high school and remain high performing in college.

Many parents may have been good at Math back in HS and college but work jobs that don’t require Math skills above algebra I (which is 95% of all jobs)…BigLaw partners don’t even use Algebra I.

What tutoring are these parents providing exactly to their kids in Math?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When considering an undergrad school, IMO the most important thing is to look at the percentage of full professors who teach. It’s better to be taught by a Ph.D than a T.A. Second, look at class size. You are more likely to find a mentor who will help you on your career path in a class of 25 vs a class of 100 or more. For those reasons, students shouldn’t overlook schools like Mary Washington or Christopher Newport. Yes, UVA and VT have broader name recognition and more prestige, but professors at the smaller schools can really help you get into top-notch grad schools. I truly believe in the benefits of being a big fish in a small pond.

It depends on what kind of grad school you're talking about. If you mean something like med school or law school then I agree. If you're aiming for a small grad program in a particular research field, then who your mentor is and how active their lab is really does matter. For a lot of scientific research that requires a well-funded lab, a research university is better.

In general, research universities are focused on graduate research and not undergrad. Lots of LACs provide students with lots of opportunities for undergraduate research and as part of that, close relationships with and mentoring by professors.

Fortunately my son, a rising sophomore at UMD got a summer research/internship gig with the University. This is in addition to his four year project through the Honors College. Has an application in for ANOTHER opportunity this coming school year. UMD has been awesome and that's coming from Virginians!

That is high praise! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

If you already are doing test prep for a rising sophomore then you are overreaching. Same if you used outside tutors or “enrichment “ to get the kid in the top math group(usually top 25-30% of a private school is the top math track). The kids who academically have the chops for being unhooked at T20 are naturally in the math group of the top 20-30% of their private school, are invited by 8th grade teachers into the highest level courses for 9th, no parent pushing, and typically have minimal 98th%ile on their own on Psat 8/9 or the private schools (unprepped) CTP or similar tests. At most too private day schools that send 15-20% of the unhooked class to T20s, those kids have no trouble scoring high on tests and getting into the top math track. Your private school should have given you results along the way, from elementary to middle. If the kid is not naturally there, it is a mistake to pushT20 if they are unhooked. It is highly unlikely they will get in.

I agree with this. If your child is recommended for the second group in math based on her ability and the parents have her go to “math school” and private tutor 4x a week to push her up to the top math group, she’ll always struggle in that group and need someone to help her. She’ll never be on the level as those kids who do the work without assistance.

Many parents are good at math, and can tutor their kids on a daily basis. These kids typically do extremely well in high school and remain high performing in college.

Many parents may have been good at Math back in HS and college but work jobs that don’t require Math skills above algebra I (which is 95% of all jobs)…BigLaw partners don’t even use Algebra I.

What tutoring are these parents providing exactly to their kids in Math?

I'm a foreign language whiz even though I don't use it in my job. I give DC a lot of extra help in their foreign language classes, and they perform accordingly. While we don't use a math tutor, I don't see why it's this big taboo and meaningfully different than what I do with FL, or other mathy parents do with math. The best math student in my kid's class, the mother is a math teacher. You think that kid doesn't get extra help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my kid (rising sophomore) to go to a T20. I can't reasonably aim directly for T10 or HYPSM for them given the lottery effect, but I think T20 is a reasonable goal based on kid's abilities. I also talk up LACs, including a few lower ranked ones that fit kid's personality.

We live modestly and put all our extra resources into private school tuition, ECs, enrichment, test prep, summer programs, etc. I wouldn't do these if DC didn't generally enjoy them.

If DC gets in somewhere lower ranked I won't cry about it or blame other people. In that case, DC will be over prepared and on track to complete a difficult major with a high GPA. To a certain extent it's about the journey not the destination. But I do want that T20 spot for DC.

If you already are doing test prep for a rising sophomore then you are overreaching. Same if you used outside tutors or “enrichment “ to get the kid in the top math group(usually top 25-30% of a private school is the top math track). The kids who academically have the chops for being unhooked at T20 are naturally in the math group of the top 20-30% of their private school, are invited by 8th grade teachers into the highest level courses for 9th, no parent pushing, and typically have minimal 98th%ile on their own on Psat 8/9 or the private schools (unprepped) CTP or similar tests. At most too private day schools that send 15-20% of the unhooked class to T20s, those kids have no trouble scoring high on tests and getting into the top math track. Your private school should have given you results along the way, from elementary to middle. If the kid is not naturally there, it is a mistake to pushT20 if they are unhooked. It is highly unlikely they will get in.

I agree with this. If your child is recommended for the second group in math based on her ability and the parents have her go to “math school” and private tutor 4x a week to push her up to the top math group, she’ll always struggle in that group and need someone to help her. She’ll never be on the level as those kids who do the work without assistance.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

It’s not that I don’t want my kids to go to top schools. It’s that I once saw a child who wasn’t hang out with her friends on weekends because she needed to do enrichment activities with her parents for “fun”. Things like attending museums. Yes, she eventually attended a great non-Ivy, but I wouldn’t wish her childhood on anyone. I can’t have been the only one her who knows a family like that. I think posters who get triggered were either raised like that girl, or know someone who was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it such a crime to want your child to get into a top school? Obviously “top” can mean different things, but whether it’s HYPSM or Ivies or even T50s, it shouldn’t be a horrible thing for parents to want their children to meet certain academic standards. It’s annoyed when people are attacked for wanting their kids to get a good education.

My hypothesis is that the people criticizing these parents are the parents of children who aren’t high-achieving enough to get into good schools. Otherwise, why does it matter to them so much?

Thoughts?

It’s not that I don’t want my kids to go to top schools. It’s that I once saw a child who wasn’t allowed to hang out with her friends on weekends because she needed to do enrichment activities with her parents for “fun”. Things like attending museums. Yes, she eventually attended a great non-Ivy, but I wouldn’t wish her childhood on anyone. I can’t have been the only one her who knows a family like that. I think posters who get triggered were either raised like that girl, or know someone who was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think once you hit 40 you accumulate life experience and realize where people went to college matters very little. The college landscape has also changed so much that most people (maybe not DCUM people!) understand someone choosing an "inferior" school or a state school over an Ivy might have done it simply because their top choice was not affordable at all given current prices. And of course a good education can be obtained everywhere. So there is nothing wrong with whatever path your kids want, as long as you do not put down other choices or judge them as less worthy.

My mom is 80 years old, at a “over 55” complex and last night another resident asked her where she went to college. We had a laugh over that. The woman wanted my mom to know she went to Smith. BUT- the really big thing is everyone brags about where their grandkids go to college. My mom bought a t-shirt from my kid’s Ivy to wear around. Lol

I get that college was so fraught for women in that generation. When I got into UVA, lots of women told me that that IVA didn’t accept women when they were applying, but they went to…X. My heart broke for them. I’d judge someone in our generation much more harshly.