School wrongly accused my child

[Anonymous]

00:10 — It is posts just like yours that provide me the support that I need to get through this situation.

Yes, I was indeed pretty rattled by inability to access darn homeworks; multiple teacher and councilor incooperation with their replies that look like they replied but they really did not address my request; schoology system confusion that even an adult can’t figure out easily; lack of proper support for 504 - school talked us into agreeing to remove an accommodation — allowing my son to submit his assignments typed up (he had it in elementary and they talked us into removing it b/c it will be good for him and because there are paper assignments in class that are not even graded and it’s important he does them blah blah blah); failure to follow through on promises made, and after me sending a strong email with a threat I am ready to escalate, blunt retaliation. All of these have proof docs, with timeline and lack of follow through despite being provided sufficient time.

I did take a deep breath. My son is not a fuzzy bunny. He has issues with motivation lately, which we were addressing at counseling we started recently.

But targeting him because his mom complained, is a red line. Not getting your facts straight before making serious accusations double time which may have long term impact on mental health is a red line. Having the other kid doing what he was doing on that comp for some time, and kids were aware but school not, is a red line. Not being able to answer the question on what process was followed to assess the school is safe is another one. Changing the grade after the quarter was announced final and the child was awarded honors certificate, is another one.
And I’m forgetting some others probably…

Here - I’m a rattled mom venting… in the real meeting, I do better I’d like to think.

My outstanding is to figure out which news outlet to bring all the evidence I have to and see if it may catch their interest.

We shall see if at least the county comes through with more professionalism. And if NOT, I will be very happy to share my documents with media. Just one message - more can be done to support 504 kids.

[Anonymous]

I have read a lot of your posts and I get that you’re frustrated. But not a single thing you have said is newsworthy. No news outlet is going to care.

I hope that after all of your venting and ranting you can put together an organized and coherent list of things that are not going as you would hope and then that you can figure out what is a school problem, what is a you problem and what is a kid problem so that you can problem solve through this crisis you’re in and make your child successful in school.

[Anonymous]

Tip 1 for 504: Be very careful in negations and stand your ground - you know your child the best.

The school talked us into removing one key accommodation - permission that all graded assignments are typed on a computer instead of hand-written. Naively, we agreed to drop, and later problems arose from missing paper assignments (handouts given out in class).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have read a lot of your posts and I get that you’re frustrated. But not a single thing you have said is newsworthy. No news outlet is going to care.

I hope that after all of your venting and ranting you can put together an organized and coherent list of things that are not going as you would hope and then that you can figure out what is a school problem, what is a you problem and what is a kid problem so that you can problem solve through this crisis you’re in and make your child successful in school.

I understand. They usually care after tragic endings, not before. But there are some that focus on ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Question for OP- don’t need to say MS, but what region are you in for HS? With only 1 year left at MS, would make my plans for how son navigate HS. If you say what HS or region, DCUMers here may be able to tell you how the HS is for accommodations, etc. which may help you focus your next steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP- don’t need to say MS, but what region are you in for HS? With only 1 year left at MS, would make my plans for how son navigate HS. If you say what HS or region, DCUMers here may be able to tell you how the HS is for accommodations, etc. which may help you focus your next steps.

Thanks - this is very kind of you.

I am just gonna work double jobs and put my son in a private school for the rest of middle. They actually have BOOKS, smaller class sizes, within grade differentiation, uniform (so he won’t be so concerned what to wear every morning), functionable lockers (the mid school had very short breaks between classes and my son could not use lockets, instead carrying huge heavy backpack around on skinny frame due to eating disorder); better hours; decent school-end instead of dragging it out into summer and wasting last ten days; iPads instead of laptops.

Our public high school is considered one of the best in the county, but I think due to fundamental factors that are not working for my family with public school, we have to keep in private…. My though-frame is 90% this but will firm it up over summer.

I’m reluctant to reveal, I’m sorry. I just want to keep confidentiality in mind but be able to share. Don’t want to narrow down the scope even as it’s gonna be impossible to identify even then. I follow rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're busy pointing fingers everywhere except where it belongs. Your son. He told you everything was fine when it wasn't. As his parent, someone who knows that he has ADHD and will potentially have struggles, I don't understand why you didn't verify this, and instead just accepted his word for it. Do you not have access to SIS Parentvue? Information regarding his grades and assignments can be found there.

My neurotypical DD who is generally on top of things sometimes slips up, and I stay on top of her to make sure that when she makes mistakes, they get fixed right away. If you do it on an ongoing basis, your child is much less likely to slip up, and the teachers are much more likely to be cooperative.

I also have access to my daughter's Schoology account, which allows me to see her assignments, calendar, notes, ... pretty much everything the teacher puts up. This gives me some insight into what is happening in school. While I don't do anything with this information 99% of the time, I can prompt her from time to time.

Me: Hey, do you have any tests/quizzes/assignments due this week?

Her: I don't think so.

Me: Let's pull up Schoology and check. Hey, it says here that you have your poem due on Friday.

Her: I already turned that in.

+1 this exactly. OP, you are the worst kind of parent. Asleep at the wheel for most of the year and then explode when your child gets the grades he earned.

[Anonymous]

So kind of you — thanks so much.

Both my husband and I come from public schools and it is really unfortunate that it doesn’t work for our son…

We had issues in the elementary as well with school incompetence. They made a typo in my son’s test score in the AAP application. It was a serious issue of a human error caught very late in the process. I mean, the big conclusion is the schools are just over burdened. Regardless, there are success stories unfortunately we are not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP- don’t need to say MS, but what region are you in for HS? With only 1 year left at MS, would make my plans for how son navigate HS. If you say what HS or region, DCUMers here may be able to tell you how the HS is for accommodations, etc. which may help you focus your next steps.

Thanks - this is very kind of you.

I am just gonna work double jobs and put my son in a private school for the rest of middle. They actually have BOOKS, smaller class sizes, within grade differentiation, uniform (so he won’t be so concerned what to wear every morning), functionable lockers (the mid school had very short breaks between classes and my son could not use lockets, instead carrying huge heavy backpack around on skinny frame due to eating disorder); better hours; decent school-end instead of dragging it out into summer and wasting last ten days; iPads instead of laptops.

Our public high school is considered one of the best in the county, but I think due to fundamental factors that are not working for my family with public school, we have to keep in private…. My though-frame is 90% this but will firm it up over summer.

I’m reluctant to reveal, I’m sorry. I just want to keep confidentiality in mind but be able to share. Don’t want to narrow down the scope even as it’s gonna be impossible to identify even then. I follow rules.

Good luck, OP. Consider hiring someone to play the role of "Mother" for the parent interview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're busy pointing fingers everywhere except where it belongs. Your son. He told you everything was fine when it wasn't. As his parent, someone who knows that he has ADHD and will potentially have struggles, I don't understand why you didn't verify this, and instead just accepted his word for it. Do you not have access to SIS Parentvue? Information regarding his grades and assignments can be found there.

My neurotypical DD who is generally on top of things sometimes slips up, and I stay on top of her to make sure that when she makes mistakes, they get fixed right away. If you do it on an ongoing basis, your child is much less likely to slip up, and the teachers are much more likely to be cooperative.

I also have access to my daughter's Schoology account, which allows me to see her assignments, calendar, notes, ... pretty much everything the teacher puts up. This gives me some insight into what is happening in school. While I don't do anything with this information 99% of the time, I can prompt her from time to time.

Me: Hey, do you have any tests/quizzes/assignments due this week?

Her: I don't think so.

Me: Let's pull up Schoology and check. Hey, it says here that you have your poem due on Friday.

Her: I already turned that in.

+1 this exactly. OP, you are the worst kind of parent. Asleep at the wheel for most of the year and then explode when your child gets the grades he earned.

My previous reply was intended to actually kind PP with empathy.

To the “best” parents above, I am sorry for your struggles and great you seem doing great.

[Anonymous]

00:10 PP here.

OP, you seem to have a lot of documentation regarding the violations of your son’s 504 plan.

You might want to ask Jeff (DCUM admin) to move your thread to the “Kids with Special Needs and Disabilities”. There are people there who have been having similar issues and who might be able to give you a good advice.

[Anonymous]

You mentioned you started counseling recently. That is great. Is it just your son though? Maybe you all would benefit from family therapy, or maybe individual for you as well. In a previous post I mentioned anxiety/panic attacks. I said this because I have been down this road myself. In your posts, I also see catastrophizing, paranoia, almost manic thinking. I'm not a pro, but with your spouse gone, you may also be overburdened, not just the school. I'm not attacking you or calling you crazy, I just think you could benefit from some third-party perspectives at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mentioned you started counseling recently. That is great. Is it just your son though? Maybe you all would benefit from family therapy, or maybe individual for you as well. In a previous post I mentioned anxiety/panic attacks. I said this because I have been down this road myself. In your posts, I also see catastrophizing, paranoia, almost manic thinking. I'm not a pro, but with your spouse gone, you may also be overburdened, not just the school. I'm not attacking you or calling you crazy, I just think you could benefit from some third-party perspectives at this point.

+1 start with a Xanax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for OP- don’t need to say MS, but what region are you in for HS? With only 1 year left at MS, would make my plans for how son navigate HS. If you say what HS or region, DCUMers here may be able to tell you how the HS is for accommodations, etc. which may help you focus your next steps.

Thanks - this is very kind of you.

I am just gonna work double jobs and put my son in a private school for the rest of middle. They actually have BOOKS, smaller class sizes, within grade differentiation, uniform (so he won’t be so concerned what to wear every morning), functionable lockers (the mid school had very short breaks between classes and my son could not use lockets, instead carrying huge heavy backpack around on skinny frame due to eating disorder); better hours; decent school-end instead of dragging it out into summer and wasting last ten days; iPads instead of laptops.

Our public high school is considered one of the best in the county, but I think due to fundamental factors that are not working for my family with public school, we have to keep in private…. My though-frame is 90% this but will firm it up over summer.

I’m reluctant to reveal, I’m sorry. I just want to keep confidentiality in mind but be able to share. Don’t want to narrow down the scope even as it’s gonna be impossible to identify even then. I follow rules.

Good luck, OP. Consider hiring someone to play the role of "Mother" for the parent interview.

+1 LOL. The private schools will smell this dysfunction a mile away and won’t want anything to do with this kid. They don’t do 504s either. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Now waiting to see after Jeff mentioned this thread in his summaries today if OP comes back or if that was the goal after all.