School wrongly accused my child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:* Also, they didn’t ask me to keep anything confidential, which worries me because usually in such cases, they would state it.

I say ‘worries me’ because I noticed a lot of things done without proper due diligence which you would expect from a public school.

So, something else came up this evening…

My son opened up again… He said, that day before I was called to school in the evening together with him, He was pulled from his very favorite class and questioned. And at that time, he already pointed out that it was not him. It was the other person… But the school didn’t believe him and called me anyway…

I mean - I am typing this, and I cannot believe it myself… I am confident my son is not lying. She provided a lot of details of that questioning, and he told me he didn’t share about that with me because he was afraid that I will take away his latest nice privilege…

So if your son had told you the truth earlier this could have been nipped in the bud?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it doesn't seem to me like anyone was trying to railroad your child into anything, just because you were asking for missed assignments. Missed assignments, and kids asking to redo them happens ALL the time, and no one is going to form some sort of vendetta on the basis of that.

What it seems like is that someone (tech office? teacher?) noticed inappropriate material on Kid A's computer, and either reported it erroneously as Kid B's computer, or reported it correctly, and the admins made a mistake. Especially if the content was violent, they will take action, and immediately (I would hope so), and your kid got caught in the middle.

I don't know your child, but mine would've raged and moved on. I don't think you're doing him any favors by making this out to be "they're all out to get you", when it could be a really simple misunderstanding that they already apologized for.

When the school called me they said, our counselor with whom you were emailing got ‘concerned’ and found blah blah blah in your child’s comp. He searched for xyz at midnight from YOUR home on school comp.

Honestly, if your responses here are at all indicative of your interactions with school staff, I could understand how someone would be concerned. There is some significant amount of paranoia here.

I also don't understand how it is the counselor found something on your child's computer, but then he also had to go get his computer and turn it in so they could check the computer. Did the counselor have your child's computer or not?

What was the part about taking pictures of girls using the phone? Or was that someone else chiming in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it doesn't seem to me like anyone was trying to railroad your child into anything, just because you were asking for missed assignments. Missed assignments, and kids asking to redo them happens ALL the time, and no one is going to form some sort of vendetta on the basis of that.

What it seems like is that someone (tech office? teacher?) noticed inappropriate material on Kid A's computer, and either reported it erroneously as Kid B's computer, or reported it correctly, and the admins made a mistake. Especially if the content was violent, they will take action, and immediately (I would hope so), and your kid got caught in the middle.

I don't know your child, but mine would've raged and moved on. I don't think you're doing him any favors by making this out to be "they're all out to get you", when it could be a really simple misunderstanding that they already apologized for.

When the school called me they said, our counselor with whom you were emailing got ‘concerned’ and found blah blah blah in your child’s comp. He searched for xyz at midnight from YOUR home on school comp.

Honestly, if your responses here are at all indicative of your interactions with school staff, I could understand how someone would be concerned. There is some significant amount of paranoia here.

I also don't understand how it is the counselor found something on your child's computer, but then he also had to go get his computer and turn it in so they could check the computer. Did the counselor have your child's computer or not?

What was the part about taking pictures of girls using the phone? Or was that someone else chiming in?

That was someone else, commiserating. Muddied the waters considerably.

[Anonymous]

Clarification on the computer situation.

Bad stuff was on other boys computer. That boy was on a bad website during school hours and also at his own home at 12 midnight On school computer. That boy has the first first name as my son. Some teacher spotted him on that website at school and took screenshots And provided to the counselor.

And then the counselor pulled my son together with another stuffer and questioned him. Based on what I heard from my son, that was not a good experience for him. He cries so bad when telling him about it, and before he was afraid to tell me because he thought that school thought that he was a bad guy. And he was afraid to tell me because he was afraid to lose his privilege.

Then in the evening, when my son was at home doing his history homework, the school calls me and start accusing on the phone that my son was on the bad website from my home at 12 midnight. I demand More information because I know my son would never do anything like that on his own, But out of curiosity, He may explore sites. The school tells me to come and bring the laptop and the child. The school shows some pictures on another laptop, and my child denies that that’s his activity, because it was another boy with the same first name. My child gets emotional.
The school takes away the laptop stating they need to investigate. On the way to the car, my car is very confused and keeps asking. Why is he in trouble? Why did they take away his laptop while he wanted to finish up his history assignment… Keeps crying he keeps crying from unfairness he felt I guess. My explanations That makes up happen in life helped a bit.

[Anonymous]

* My explanations that mix ups happen in life helped a bit.

And, f***, The story doesn’t seem to end and I just want to go and watch Netflix a little bit…

Now I am reviewing the gradebook and I see that some of the grades that he had last quarter miraculously changed… is that possible?

Last quarter my son was on honor roll and received a certificate. Everything was A and B.

One of the subjects is a D because of two missing assignments… hmmm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clarification on the computer situation.

Bad stuff was on other boys computer. That boy was on a bad website during school hours and also at his own home at 12 midnight On school computer. That boy has the first first name as my son. Some teacher spotted him on that website at school and took screenshots And provided to the counselor.

And then the counselor pulled my son together with another stuffer and questioned him. Based on what I heard from my son, that was not a good experience for him. He cries so bad when telling him about it, and before he was afraid to tell me because he thought that school thought that he was a bad guy. And he was afraid to tell me because he was afraid to lose his privilege.

Then in the evening, when my son was at home doing his history homework, the school calls me and start accusing on the phone that my son was on the bad website from my home at 12 midnight. I demand More information because I know my son would never do anything like that on his own, But out of curiosity, He may explore sites. The school tells me to come and bring the laptop and the child. The school shows some pictures on another laptop, and my child denies that that’s his activity, because it was another boy with the same first name. My child gets emotional.
The school takes away the laptop stating they need to investigate. On the way to the car, my car is very confused and keeps asking. Why is he in trouble? Why did they take away his laptop while he wanted to finish up his history assignment… Keeps crying he keeps crying from unfairness he felt I guess. My explanations That makes up happen in life helped a bit.

This doesn't make any sense. How would the school know that the kid was on the website at midnight when all they have are screenshots the teacher got in school? And why would your son be afraid to tell you that the school thought he was up to no good, but that it was a different kid with the same name, and he's innocent?

[Anonymous]

So, so one grade, which was a B became a D all of a sudden… very interesting… I bet the two missing assignments are going to be the paper ones.

Guys / I think I give up. But only for tonight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clarification on the computer situation.

Bad stuff was on other boys computer. That boy was on a bad website during school hours and also at his own home at 12 midnight On school computer. That boy has the first first name as my son. Some teacher spotted him on that website at school and took screenshots And provided to the counselor.

And then the counselor pulled my son together with another stuffer and questioned him. Based on what I heard from my son, that was not a good experience for him. He cries so bad when telling him about it, and before he was afraid to tell me because he thought that school thought that he was a bad guy. And he was afraid to tell me because he was afraid to lose his privilege.

Then in the evening, when my son was at home doing his history homework, the school calls me and start accusing on the phone that my son was on the bad website from my home at 12 midnight. I demand More information because I know my son would never do anything like that on his own, But out of curiosity, He may explore sites. The school tells me to come and bring the laptop and the child. The school shows some pictures on another laptop, and my child denies that that’s his activity, because it was another boy with the same first name. My child gets emotional.
The school takes away the laptop stating they need to investigate. On the way to the car, my car is very confused and keeps asking. Why is he in trouble? Why did they take away his laptop while he wanted to finish up his history assignment… Keeps crying he keeps crying from unfairness he felt I guess. My explanations That makes up happen in life helped a bit.

This doesn't make any sense. How would the school know that the kid was on the website at midnight when all they have are screenshots the teacher got in school? And why would your son be afraid to tell you that the school thought he was up to no good, but that it was a different kid with the same name, and he's innocent?

1/ they had digital footprint from cyber security they requested on my son, they thought, but it was the other guy /// I am telling you that they are horribly horribly incompetent. This is why I’m scared to send my son to that school….

2/ I am a strict mom. I took away all privileges except for TV. My son just got back a new privilege and he was afraid to lose it because he She was just confused and thought he was in trouble because of somebody else…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:* My explanations that mix ups happen in life helped a bit.

And, f***, The story doesn’t seem to end and I just want to go and watch Netflix a little bit…

Now I am reviewing the gradebook and I see that some of the grades that he had last quarter miraculously changed… is that possible?

Last quarter my son was on honor roll and received a certificate. Everything was A and B.

One of the subjects is a D because of two missing assignments… hmmm

Are you pulling up the previous quarter grades or his report card? If the missing assignments are a significant part of his grades, then it's possible that getting a 0 or a 50/100 dropped him down.

[Anonymous]

If you’re curious why I took away the privileges (iPhone and Xbox) it’s because He wasn’t able to follow agreed terms. He would sneak in at night, which disrupt his sleep or he would be playing Xbox late when we thought he is already asleep -things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:* My explanations that mix ups happen in life helped a bit.

And, f***, The story doesn’t seem to end and I just want to go and watch Netflix a little bit…

Now I am reviewing the gradebook and I see that some of the grades that he had last quarter miraculously changed… is that possible?

Last quarter my son was on honor roll and received a certificate. Everything was A and B.

One of the subjects is a D because of two missing assignments… hmmm

Are you pulling up the previous quarter grades or his report card? If the missing assignments are a significant part of his grades, then it's possible that getting a 0 or a 50/100 dropped him down.

Previous quarter grades… so is it the case that the school is able to revise them and bump him down after he got an award of an honors student? I did not check his grades this quarter - He wouldn’t let me and I forgot my own account information so didn’t check from the parental side…. So I don’t know when exactly exactly the bump down happened.

[Anonymous]

Last quarter I saw every grade he got in detail and of course he was an honest students so D is the news to me.

Ugh - I will ask DH to handle. He is going to return soon. I was on my own this battle week.

[Anonymous]

This is OP.
When I posted first post, I did not expect these extra events… like that my child was questioned actually twice in the same day… that his q3 grade was bumped down.
And I’m not yet done reviewing all the subjects. Ugh.
I don’t know why I’m so in it — The best way would be to just call it a day. and Reassess tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all and please keep sending me helpful advice.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP, but you are not getting useful advice here, other than trying to take a deep breath and get away from this thread.

You are obviously rattled by everything that happened and you need a break to collect your thoughts. The way you present yourself is so important and you are probably aware that you are not doing a good job right now (don’t be hard on yourself about this, and give yourself time to relax - posting here and reading disparaging comments is not helping you).

Try to talk to a trusted friend or just try to write down all the events that transpired for yourself. Try to keep your explanation as brief as possible and refine it until you have a clean letter. Go back to this when you need to explain what happened. Most importantly, both for your own sake and sake of your son, focus on what you CAN do. Maybe you could ask school to avoid sending the same set of people to talk to your son because he is still distressed due to the mistake on their end. They would probably try to accommodate this request.

Did the school jump on the potential story that would be damaging to your son’s reputation and school record because you have been complaining a lot? Maybe, maybe not, but there is no way that you will ever have an answer to this question, so stop torturing yourself. Without a solid proof, you will have to let this go.

As for the missing assignments, you are too late unfortunately. My best advice would be to again have a clear and brief summary of all the issues your son faced with Schoology and assignments in general. Then ask for a 504 meeting to reassess his needs. You might need to get additional medical documentation and change his 504 plan to IEP. For both, post at the Forum for Kids with Special needs and Disabilities here on DCUM. People are very compassionate and helpful there.

Hang in there.