How not to feel bad when other families go on a trip every break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Is this really a good trade-off for your tween, though?
My mom was like this. She grew up poor, was in 4H, and made most of her own clothes. Then she went to medical school, married my dad who went to law school, and sent us all to UMC public school. My mom thought that in-season clothes and accessories were beyond ridiculous and money was better spent on other things. The thing is, that’s really the only time in your life it really matters. When I was 14, 15, 16, I would have given up almost anything to look like the other kids and wear the kinds of clothes that the other kids had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Agree. We go on amazing trips (think: safaris, Galapagos, French Polynesia, those kinds of places). But we choose to drive cars that are more than ten years old, we shop (rarely) for clothes at Marshall’s, etc. We live very frugally. Some of these PPs are using latest model iPhones, driving new cars, and shopping at Nordstrom but then they get all mad when you tell them about your amazing trips. Life is about priorities and my family prioritizes expensive travel.

Please step out of your bubble. As someone who also prioritizes travel l, I can tell you that a lot of these families do not have the latest iPhone, drive new cars, etc. and they can still not afford to travel. So please don’t think that the secret to travel is to prioritize it.

It is, though, for many in this area.

My daughter has known from three that I won’t spend money on little things so I can take her on great trips. So our water bottles come with us and we don’t get drinks and snacks when we’re out, we don’t buy much new clothes (shoes, underwear, bathing suits, everything else is hand me downs, second hand, or shopped deals in advance) my car is ten years old and runs great so I’m not trading up just to have a new one. We have an iPad mini from 2016 and it’s my kids only movie-watching device.

There are plenty of people at the same level of income (I’m a fed we know everyone’s salary…) who have to have a new car every five years and dress their kids in Boden, and then are sad when they “can’t afford” to travel. I’m not saying that’s OP, just that it’s a not-uncommon phenomenon.

Oh come on. You can buy AirPods and Stanley cups for everyone in your family and get a new 65” TV for $1,000 total.
You cannot say that this is the reason you can afford a $5,000 trip to the Galápagos Islands for spring break.

+1. I was reading these posts and thinking these posters are so dumb! A Stanley cup is under $50. AirPods are under $200. These do not make or break travel. Things like private school (not Christian, but independent, $$$ school) and high mortgage payments can make or break travel. A nice trip to the Galapagos is easily going to be $20-25k or more for a family of four. So again, doing your back-to-school shopping at Boden vs. Walmart is not going to be the deciding factor in whether you can afford that.

Yes! Although I do kind of like the idea of some kind of suburban version of a junior Carrie Bradshaw with a Stanley cup that matches every outfit and hundreds of pairs of Ugg boots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Agree. We go on amazing trips (think: safaris, Galapagos, French Polynesia, those kinds of places). But we choose to drive cars that are more than ten years old, we shop (rarely) for clothes at Marshall’s, etc. We live very frugally. Some of these PPs are using latest model iPhones, driving new cars, and shopping at Nordstrom but then they get all mad when you tell them about your amazing trips. Life is about priorities and my family prioritizes expensive travel.

Please step out of your bubble. As someone who also prioritizes travel l, I can tell you that a lot of these families do not have the latest iPhone, drive new cars, etc. and they can still not afford to travel. So please don’t think that the secret to travel is to prioritize it.

This is PP. I know I am privileged. I grew up poor (which is why I still live frugally). I am not living in a bubble. I work hard for my money and I will spend it as I please.

No one cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tiniest violin etc I know but lots of other families travel to amazing places every break. Europe for skiing over winter and February break, then Caribbean for spring break and summers in Martha’s vineyard. How not to feel bad about your own family when you haven’t taken a real vacation in years besides to visit grandparents?

Jealousy and envy will eat you alive. Count your blessings. A visit to grandparents may not be the Riviera, Caribbean, or Nantucket but it is a visit with people who love you and people that you love. Again, count your blessings. Many of us would give anything to visit with long gone loved ones.

This.

[Anonymous]

I can afford to go on vacations (nothing crazy though) but my kids prefer to be at home and with their friends. I might as well save my money. We do small local trips. I am saving my money for when I retire and can take all the trips I want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Agree. We go on amazing trips (think: safaris, Galapagos, French Polynesia, those kinds of places). But we choose to drive cars that are more than ten years old, we shop (rarely) for clothes at Marshall’s, etc. We live very frugally. Some of these PPs are using latest model iPhones, driving new cars, and shopping at Nordstrom but then they get all mad when you tell them about your amazing trips. Life is about priorities and my family prioritizes expensive travel.

Please step out of your bubble. As someone who also prioritizes travel l, I can tell you that a lot of these families do not have the latest iPhone, drive new cars, etc. and they can still not afford to travel. So please don’t think that the secret to travel is to prioritize it.

It is, though, for many in this area.

My daughter has known from three that I won’t spend money on little things so I can take her on great trips. So our water bottles come with us and we don’t get drinks and snacks when we’re out, we don’t buy much new clothes (shoes, underwear, bathing suits, everything else is hand me downs, second hand, or shopped deals in advance) my car is ten years old and runs great so I’m not trading up just to have a new one. We have an iPad mini from 2016 and it’s my kids only movie-watching device.

There are plenty of people at the same level of income (I’m a fed we know everyone’s salary…) who have to have a new car every five years and dress their kids in Boden, and then are sad when they “can’t afford” to travel. I’m not saying that’s OP, just that it’s a not-uncommon phenomenon.

Oh come on. You can buy AirPods and Stanley cups for everyone in your family and get a new 65” TV for $1,000 total.
You cannot say that this is the reason you can afford a $5,000 trip to the Galápagos Islands for spring break.

I notice you leave off the new cars ($35,000) and expensive wardrobes ($1,000x person, 4 person family) which absolutely do add up to a $5,000 Galapagos trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Is this really a good trade-off for your tween, though?
My mom was like this. She grew up poor, was in 4H, and made most of her own clothes. Then she went to medical school, married my dad who went to law school, and sent us all to UMC public school. My mom thought that in-season clothes and accessories were beyond ridiculous and money was better spent on other things. The thing is, that’s really the only time in your life it really matters. When I was 14, 15, 16, I would have given up almost anything to look like the other kids and wear the kinds of clothes that the other kids had.

My mom also grew up poor, raised us UMC, and thought in-season clothes and accessories were wasteful. But she raised her daughters so that we wouldn’t have “given almost anything” to look exactly like 14-15-16 year olds. I don’t think your mom’s failure was in her values, it was not raising you with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Is this really a good trade-off for your tween, though?
My mom was like this. She grew up poor, was in 4H, and made most of her own clothes. Then she went to medical school, married my dad who went to law school, and sent us all to UMC public school. My mom thought that in-season clothes and accessories were beyond ridiculous and money was better spent on other things. The thing is, that’s really the only time in your life it really matters. When I was 14, 15, 16, I would have given up almost anything to look like the other kids and wear the kinds of clothes that the other kids had.

My mom also grew up poor, raised us UMC, and thought in-season clothes and accessories were wasteful. But she raised her daughters so that we wouldn’t have “given almost anything” to look exactly like 14-15-16 year olds. I don’t think your mom’s failure was in her values, it was not raising you with them.

These aren’t my adult values. I’m not in eighth grade anymore. I also went to med school and work with opiate addicts. No one gives a crap what I wear now.
But in those years it matters. Kids teased me and made fun of me. It was a lot harder to fit in most social groups.
No one wants to be the weird kid who looks different in eighth grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Is this really a good trade-off for your tween, though?
My mom was like this. She grew up poor, was in 4H, and made most of her own clothes. Then she went to medical school, married my dad who went to law school, and sent us all to UMC public school. My mom thought that in-season clothes and accessories were beyond ridiculous and money was better spent on other things. The thing is, that’s really the only time in your life it really matters. When I was 14, 15, 16, I would have given up almost anything to look like the other kids and wear the kinds of clothes that the other kids had.

My mom also grew up poor, raised us UMC, and thought in-season clothes and accessories were wasteful. But she raised her daughters so that we wouldn’t have “given almost anything” to look exactly like 14-15-16 year olds. I don’t think your mom’s failure was in her values, it was not raising you with them.

It’s normal to want to look like a 14-15-16 year old when you are a 14-16 year old. It’s not some jacked up value system for a teen to want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Is this really a good trade-off for your tween, though?
My mom was like this. She grew up poor, was in 4H, and made most of her own clothes. Then she went to medical school, married my dad who went to law school, and sent us all to UMC public school. My mom thought that in-season clothes and accessories were beyond ridiculous and money was better spent on other things. The thing is, that’s really the only time in your life it really matters. When I was 14, 15, 16, I would have given up almost anything to look like the other kids and wear the kinds of clothes that the other kids had.

My mom also grew up poor, raised us UMC, and thought in-season clothes and accessories were wasteful. But she raised her daughters so that we wouldn’t have “given almost anything” to look exactly like 14-15-16 year olds. I don’t think your mom’s failure was in her values, it was not raising you with them.

It’s normal to want to look like a 14-15-16 year old when you are a 14-16 year old. It’s not some jacked up value system for a teen to want that.

Its one thing to want to look similar and have certain items. Its something else entirely to want an entire wardrobe of $120 leggings and multiple $50 water bottles just because some moronic parents are stupid enough to do it and their kids are mean enough to brag about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Is this really a good trade-off for your tween, though?
My mom was like this. She grew up poor, was in 4H, and made most of her own clothes. Then she went to medical school, married my dad who went to law school, and sent us all to UMC public school. My mom thought that in-season clothes and accessories were beyond ridiculous and money was better spent on other things. The thing is, that’s really the only time in your life it really matters. When I was 14, 15, 16, I would have given up almost anything to look like the other kids and wear the kinds of clothes that the other kids had.

My mom also grew up poor, raised us UMC, and thought in-season clothes and accessories were wasteful. But she raised her daughters so that we wouldn’t have “given almost anything” to look exactly like 14-15-16 year olds. I don’t think your mom’s failure was in her values, it was not raising you with them.

It’s normal to want to look like a 14-15-16 year old when you are a 14-16 year old. It’s not some jacked up value system for a teen to want that.

Its one thing to want to look similar and have certain items. Its something else entirely to want an entire wardrobe of $120 leggings and multiple $50 water bottles just because some moronic parents are stupid enough to do it and their kids are mean enough to brag about it.

+1

Thank goodness this seems to be an area where the kids are alright; all the tweens in my nieces year are obsessed with thrifting right now, and the Stanley cup thing something embarrassing their moms do.

[Anonymous]

Many people spend money they don't have on constant vacations. I have a relative who travels constantly instead of saving up for his kids' college educations. The day his first kid goes to college, I think he may change his tune.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[url]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Agree. We go on amazing trips (think: safaris, Galapagos, French Polynesia, those kinds of places). But we choose to drive cars that are more than ten years old, we shop (rarely) for clothes at Marshall’s, etc. We live very frugally. Some of these PPs are using latest model iPhones, driving new cars, and shopping at Nordstrom but then they get all mad when you tell them about your amazing trips. Life is about priorities and my family prioritizes expensive travel.

Please step out of your bubble. As someone who also prioritizes travel l, I can tell you that a lot of these families do not have the latest iPhone, drive new cars, etc. and they can still not afford to travel. So please don’t think that the secret to travel is to prioritize it.

It is, though, for many in this area.

My daughter has known from three that I won’t spend money on little things so I can take her on great trips. So our water bottles come with us and we don’t get drinks and snacks when we’re out, we don’t buy much new clothes (shoes, underwear, bathing suits, everything else is hand me downs, second hand, or shopped deals in advance) my car is ten years old and runs great so I’m not trading up just to have a new one. We have an iPad mini from 2016 and it’s my kids only movie-watching device.

There are plenty of people at the same level of income (I’m a fed we know everyone’s salary…) who have to have a new car every five years and dress their kids in Boden, and then are sad when they “can’t afford” to travel. I’m not saying that’s OP, just that it’s a not-uncommon phenomenon.

Oh come on. You can buy AirPods and Stanley cups for everyone in your family and get a new 65” TV for $1,000 total.
You cannot say that this is the reason you can afford a $5,000 trip to the Galápagos Islands for spring break.

I notice you leave off the new cars ($35,000) and expensive wardrobes ($1,000x person, 4 person family) which absolutely do add up to a $5,000 Galapagos trip.

Lol at these numbers - “Regular” new cars are running $50k+ these days and $1k per person wardrobe is not buying much if you’re working in person in a corporate office or have a kid in an extracurricular like dance. And good luck with that trip to the Galapagos for only $5k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Is this really a good trade-off for your tween, though?
My mom was like this. She grew up poor, was in 4H, and made most of her own clothes. Then she went to medical school, married my dad who went to law school, and sent us all to UMC public school. My mom thought that in-season clothes and accessories were beyond ridiculous and money was better spent on other things. The thing is, that’s really the only time in your life it really matters. When I was 14, 15, 16, I would have given up almost anything to look like the other kids and wear the kinds of clothes that the other kids had.

My mom also grew up poor, raised us UMC, and thought in-season clothes and accessories were wasteful. But she raised her daughters so that we wouldn’t have “given almost anything” to look exactly like 14-15-16 year olds. I don’t think your mom’s failure was in her values, it was not raising you with them.

It’s normal to want to look like a 14-15-16 year old when you are a 14-16 year old. It’s not some jacked up value system for a teen to want that.

Its one thing to want to look similar and have certain items. Its something else entirely to want an entire wardrobe of $120 leggings and multiple $50 water bottles just because some moronic parents are stupid enough to do it and their kids are mean enough to brag about it.

DP, you do realize that the PP’s were literally advocating for your first sentence. “To want to look similar and have certain items.” That’s it. Don’t know why you’re strawmanning about dozens of cups and leggings and and and. There are a few collectors on social media who have 50+ pairs of LLL or Stanleys or whatever, but most regular people have 1-2. Yes, MANY kids do feel left out if their parents have decreed that they can’t have those things simply because THE PARENTS want to use their kids to prove a point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We travel quite a bit, I wouldn’t say a lot, because we have one easy tween and we all enjoy it.
What we don’t have is Stanley Cups and apple AirPods. Most of her peers at her Christian private do. I don’t feel bad. I choose not to spend my money on stuff like that.
Spending is about making choices. Don’t feel bad for the ones you make for you family.

Is this really a good trade-off for your tween, though?
My mom was like this. She grew up poor, was in 4H, and made most of her own clothes. Then she went to medical school, married my dad who went to law school, and sent us all to UMC public school. My mom thought that in-season clothes and accessories were beyond ridiculous and money was better spent on other things. The thing is, that’s really the only time in your life it really matters. When I was 14, 15, 16, I would have given up almost anything to look like the other kids and wear the kinds of clothes that the other kids had.

My mom also grew up poor, raised us UMC, and thought in-season clothes and accessories were wasteful. But she raised her daughters so that we wouldn’t have “given almost anything” to look exactly like 14-15-16 year olds. I don’t think your mom’s failure was in her values, it was not raising you with them.

It’s normal to want to look like a 14-15-16 year old when you are a 14-16 year old. It’s not some jacked up value system for a teen to want that.

Its one thing to want to look similar and have certain items. Its something else entirely to want an entire wardrobe of $120 leggings and multiple $50 water bottles just because some moronic parents are stupid enough to do it and their kids are mean enough to brag about it.

I guess. But if you are going to send your kid to a school where most kids have multiple pairs of $120 leggings and $50 water bottles, maybe you could ask your teen if they would prefer to dress like their peers for all four years of high school OR if they would rather make their prom dress from a Butterick and take a four day trip to London with their parents one time.