DIL never participates, never joins in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am taking in the feedback. I know this is a trivial example. It’s just always no thank you, no thanks, and she barely talks to DH and me but is effusive with aunts, uncles, cousins.

When her parents visit, she goes out for margaritas with her mom and her visiting female relatives and her friends. She’s never once invited me or my daughter out.

She’s warm to others, cool to us.

She has boundary issues with you. Or you with her, likely first, in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well I'm not going to judge you because I have a SIL who is like this to my family. Not in regards to drinking or anything, but she just wants nothing to do with her husbands side of the family. They live about 20 mins from my parents and my parents practically have to beg to see them and the grandkids. I have absolutely no relationship with her. She has never cared to get to know me. We see them maybe once per year, maybe every other year, for Christmas.

On the flip side, she is very close to her family who lives out of state and her two sisters.

It's fine, I just think it's odd that she is so cold. And no there are no issues with my parents and my brother has a good relationship with my parents, barring the fact that his wife never wants to prioritize our side of the family.

Its funny because the cousins are actually pretty close, despite this kind of cold relationship.

In my own family, I always loved my DH's side of the family. They were very close, and i truly felt part of the family. They have a much bigger family, maybe that is why.

How do you know this? (Because they don't spend as much time with your family and thus it's her fault?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am taking in the feedback. I know this is a trivial example. It’s just always no thank you, no thanks, and she barely talks to DH and me but is effusive with aunts, uncles, cousins.

When her parents visit, she goes out for margaritas with her mom and her visiting female relatives and her friends. She’s never once invited me or my daughter out.

She’s warm to others, cool to us.

My SIL is like this. 20+ years in I still haven't figured her out so I have no helpful advice, just my sympathies. I hope it will get better for you one day, but there may be a time you'll just have to drop the rope and accept the relationship for what it is.

[Anonymous]

She knows you are uncomfortable and that makes her uncomfortable. Vicious cycle. Tale as old as time.

As with any skittish child, you gave to be mature and pretend there is no problem, but take a very slow and calm approach, and wait for the ice to melt.

[Anonymous]

My DH’s family are alcoholics so I don’t drink in their company.

[Anonymous]

Red wine is gross and I love margs so I don’t get it either. Sounds like a personality defect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re at the beach with several families this weekend. It is well-known that DIL likes margaritas. We made a batch and she refused one, saying “I’ve already had a glass of red wine.”

I’m sure she would participate with her family. All we get is tight-lipped tolerance. I’m tired of constant rejection.

You sound like a drama queen. Why not ASK DIL if she would like a mragarita first! Randomly doing things for people they don't expect or want, and then being upset at the lack of gratitude is insane. Can you imagine how sick your DIL must be of dealing with this shit!

[Anonymous]

My MIL gets nasty after a few drinks. I no longer drink with her.