Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

NP here. The advice "wait until you're ready" is a truism that may make sense for most things in life. But once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, you have to make yourself ready. If you don't, that window might pass and you will regret it your entire life. I think that's what OP is getting at. OP's DS may not be ready, but he will regret it for the rest of his life (assuming OP is Nostradamus)

He’s a man. He can meet someone at forty and still have a family. He has plenty of time. There are tons of great women out there. He will meet someone else great when he is ready, if he ever is ready.

Its tough to find right people later in life, more people are settling and with set in their ways, find it hard to adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

NP here. The advice "wait until you're ready" is a truism that may make sense for most things in life. But once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, you have to make yourself ready. If you don't, that window might pass and you will regret it your entire life. I think that's what OP is getting at. OP's DS may not be ready, but he will regret it for the rest of his life (assuming OP is Nostradamus)

He’s a man. He can meet someone at forty and still have a family. He has plenty of time. There are tons of great women out there. He will meet someone else great when he is ready, if he ever is ready.

Its tough to find right people later in life, more people are settling and with set in their ways, find it hard to adjust.

My neighbor is a 37 year old, very nice, good looking and high flying career lawyer, whose fiancée left about a two years ago. He doesn’t even have women over, let alone a steady relationship. It’s hard out there!

[Anonymous]

You’re seeing this through the wrong lens, OP. He should look for a woman who is mad about him and wants to love him the best way she can. He shouldn’t look to “catch” someone who is good on paper.

[Anonymous]

What did he say when she proposed?

[Anonymous]

How do you know she's the best?

Do you get in bed with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

NP here. The advice "wait until you're ready" is a truism that may make sense for most things in life. But once-in-a-lifetime opportunities, you have to make yourself ready. If you don't, that window might pass and you will regret it your entire life. I think that's what OP is getting at. OP's DS may not be ready, but he will regret it for the rest of his life (assuming OP is Nostradamus)

He’s a man. He can meet someone at forty and still have a family. He has plenty of time. There are tons of great women out there. He will meet someone else great when he is ready, if he ever is ready.

Being a childless bachelor at 40 yearning for a wife and kids. Good freaking luck with that buddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he not ready for marriage? Or does he not want to marry her?

Also. My friend's younger brother is like this. Early 30s. Never had a girlfriend. Finally met the perfect girl. Pretty, smart, funny, and we thought he was SO in love with her. Then it got serious and he ran away. We are like, you don't realize, she will find someone new in a month. Some men just don't get it.

Was this recent? Any update? I’m guessing you were right, she was quickly courted and moved on. Man-children don’t get it until it’s too late and their prime passes them by. Look at advanced degree rates and career trajectories, women are kicking men’s butts. The tier of women who gave you a chance in college when you seemed like ambitious peers aren’t interested in you five years down the road. The boys don’t realize that college / post college girlfriend was their peak until she’s gone and they can’t attract a woman anywhere near what they had.

[Anonymous]

Pandemic really highlighted loneliness epidemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pandemic really highlighted loneliness epidemic.

It highlighted lack of skills and living capabilities of some of society.

[Anonymous]

Men don't marry perfect women, they marry the ones they love. He shouldn't marry someone just because they're good on paper. And this young woman should stop being so desperate to marry a guy who isn't into her. Y'all must be rich or something for her to be all frothed up over a guy who sounds very average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 20s DS is going to lose his long-term girlfriend. He does not fully appreciate what a catch she is. I would never say this to him but since we're on an anonymous forum: He will never do better. Not a nice thing to say but it's true. She's thoughtful, highly educated, ambitious, great career, adorable, lovely family, and even an excellent cook. I suppose disclosing all of this to an impartial audience will likely sway most of you to the girlfriend's side; as in, she ought to leave my immature son because she can do so much better! Totally understandable. But this is my son, so of course I'm biased and would like him to fully appreciate what he has with her until it is too late. Is there anything anyone can say to a young man his age or is this one of those things where he won't realize it until he's lost her and she's quickly swooped off her feet up by someone else?

He is not cheating on her, just flaky and failing to grow up. I know he loves her but he remains in that immature self-centered young man phase instead of planning milestones with her. She has confided to me that she is reaching a breaking point. I know he will regret losing her for the rest of his life but I don't know how to get through to him.

Seriously, have your son watch the movie “Whiplash”. The scene where Andrew realizes breaking up with his amazing girlfriend was a huge mistake is excruciating to watch.

[Anonymous]

Ah man, this must be hard to watch as a parent (my kids are still young. But I feel like I’ve seen this happen, as a sister)

Short answer: no, I don’t think there is anything you can do…unfortunately. It’s a realization he will have to learn himself, or he won’t really believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 20s DS is going to lose his long-term girlfriend. He does not fully appreciate what a catch she is. I would never say this to him but since we're on an anonymous forum: He will never do better. Not a nice thing to say but it's true. She's thoughtful, highly educated, ambitious, great career, adorable, lovely family, and even an excellent cook. I suppose disclosing all of this to an impartial audience will likely sway most of you to the girlfriend's side; as in, she ought to leave my immature son because she can do so much better! Totally understandable. But this is my son, so of course I'm biased and would like him to fully appreciate what he has with her until it is too late. Is there anything anyone can say to a young man his age or is this one of those things where he won't realize it until he's lost her and she's quickly swooped off her feet up by someone else?

He is not cheating on her, just flaky and failing to grow up. I know he loves her but he remains in that immature self-centered young man phase instead of planning milestones with her. She has confided to me that she is reaching a breaking point. I know he will regret losing her for the rest of his life but I don't know how to get through to him.

Seriously, have your son watch the movie “Whiplash”. The scene where Andrew realizes breaking up with his amazing girlfriend was a huge mistake is excruciating to watch.

Lol yes in real life just like in the movies every woman is amazing and all the guys are stupid/lazy/immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he not ready for marriage? Or does he not want to marry her?

Also. My friend's younger brother is like this. Early 30s. Never had a girlfriend. Finally met the perfect girl. Pretty, smart, funny, and we thought he was SO in love with her. Then it got serious and he ran away. We are like, you don't realize, she will find someone new in a month. Some men just don't get it.

Was this recent? Any update? I’m guessing you were right, she was quickly courted and moved on. Man-children don’t get it until it’s too late and their prime passes them by. Look at advanced degree rates and career trajectories, women are kicking men’s butts. The tier of women who gave you a chance in college when you seemed like ambitious peers aren’t interested in you five years down the road. The boys don’t realize that college / post college girlfriend was their peak until she’s gone and they can’t attract a woman anywhere near what they had.

This is such a weird take. The worst thing to do is marry someone because they check some boxes even if you're not that into it. Unless you want an arranged marriage and will let the love follow the match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re seeing this through the wrong lens, OP. He should look for a woman who is mad about him and wants to love him the best way she can. He shouldn’t look to “catch” someone who is good on paper.

It seems his GF is in love, just doesn't want to sacrifice self-love by hanging in there forever.