Is there any way to convince a young man to step it up because he will never do better?

[Anonymous]

I laughed out loud at the part where his dad called him to go on record the proposal at her school was a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

Look on the bright side op, he has good taste, he’s just not ready., someone else will come along at the right time for him. Land your helicopter!

[Anonymous]

What goes on between your son and his gf is none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Mid 20’s is young. Let him
Live his life and grow up. Just because his girlfriend is great does not mean she should be his wife especially if he still has some growing to do.
If you like her so much, you marry her.

[Anonymous]

I think you can say “oh Larla is lovely and you’ve been dating while, do you have the same vision of the future of where things are going”? Let him lead the conversation. My thing is this - the girlfriend has to stick up for herself and both have to own their own decisions and the consequences. If he isn’t ready or she isn’t the one, the longer she is with your son that’s time she isn’t meeting the person she is supposed to be with and same for him.

A friend of our family has a son that didn’t marry his college girlfriend of 5 or 6 years. In this case he was a catch as much as she was. The college girlfriend was 100% right to set a limit because he probably would have dated her longer even though she wasn’t the one and he wasn’t ready to get married. Breaking up was the best for everyone. The ex-girlfriend is happily married with kids. He eventually married in his mid-30’s to a woman near his age that was a far better match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You likely over-mothered him in his youth (you’re doing it right now) which led him to his present immaturity, and now it’s too late and life’s school of hard knocks will do the teaching here. Men have to lose a good woman in order to learn. Let him regret it!

I have to agree w/this.
Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys aren’t getting married in their 20s. Is is 29 or 21?

Actually though, some of the best ones are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither you or his GF should pressure him into marriage if he is not ready. It's ok. She might be amazing, but if he is not ready for marriage it doesn't matter

OP here. I want to be clear that milestones did not necessarily or only mean a prompt proposal and wedding. But yes, that is one milestone he needs to be mindful as their friends get married.

Why? he should get married because GF wants to or because everyone else is doing it? I stand by what I said. He should not be pressured into this "milestone"

+1 back off . Parental pressure is how unhappy marriages and divorces happen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, 20 yo is way too young for either of them to be married, regardless of how good a catch either one of them is.

-NP

They are 25.

Too young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was engaged at 25 to my college boyfriend after dating about 5 years. I would have left if he did not propose within a year or so of that time frame.

I don't understand all the posters advising their kids to wait until they're in their late 20's or 30s to get married.

In this forum, there's plenty of stories of the long lasting happy marriages where people met early (in college or early 20s) and married before they turned 30.

You can save money by living together being DINKs working on your future together. With combined household income, you can get on the property ladder faster. You bring less baggage. You have a better chance of being true equals (whereas that's harder with a financially established man in his mid-30s marrying a 25-year old woman who is just beginning her career).

I guess OP needs to understand WHY her son isn't ready to commit. Whether it's a general fear of marriage, or something about this GF in particular.

I was also engaged at 25 to my college boyfriend. We were together for 6 years. I ended it. It was too young to get married. I have never regretted that decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men don't marry perfect women, they marry the ones they love. He shouldn't marry someone just because they're good on paper. And this young woman should stop being so desperate to marry a guy who isn't into her. Y'all must be rich or something for her to be all frothed up over a guy who sounds very average.

+1 my ex-husband did this and admitted it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys aren’t getting married in their 20s. Is is 29 or 21?

Actually though, some of the best ones are.

This forum is incredibly biased against marrying in your mid 20s, and also likes to gloss over fertility facts, how shallow the dating pool gets towards your 30s, and even things like getting sick (ex. cancer) in your 30s or 40s, or having kids earlier enough to see your grandkids grow up before you croak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid 20’s is young. Let him
Live his life and grow up. Just because his girlfriend is great does not mean she should be his wife especially if he still has some growing to do.
If you like her so much, you marry her.

Mid 20s is not too young to be thinking about or to get engaged. It's an age when young professionals are in or finishing grad or advanced degrees or considering job hopping and looking at which city they plan to build a life in. If you have a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend at this age, it is smart and normal to get engaged and be married by 27 or 28. Many yuppy men and women want to build an entire life together; wedding photos while still young, move to a new city together, buy a house or big city apartment ASAP, travel, have a baby, and rise the ladder together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys aren’t getting married in their 20s. Is is 29 or 21?

Actually though, some of the best ones are.

This forum is incredibly biased against marrying in your mid 20s, and also likes to gloss over fertility facts, how shallow the dating pool gets towards your 30s, and even things like getting sick (ex. cancer) in your 30s or 40s, or having kids earlier enough to see your grandkids grow up before you croak.

Well definitely approach him with that reasoning - that's the winner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys aren’t getting married in their 20s. Is is 29 or 21?

Actually though, some of the best ones are.

This forum is incredibly biased against marrying in your mid 20s, and also likes to gloss over fertility facts, how shallow the dating pool gets towards your 30s, and even things like getting sick (ex. cancer) in your 30s or 40s, or having kids earlier enough to see your grandkids grow up before you croak.

That’s an atheist UMC east coast white people thing- marrying after age 30.

Most of the country, including secular Jews, Catholics and practicing Christians, don’t have a problem marrying their high school or college sweetheart at age 25 at all.

Make sure you old East coasters don’t ever move to another region of the country; you’ll really have missed the marriage boat then!