married by 30

[Anonymous]

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Where do you live? And in which century?

If PP were from a previous century he’d know having kids in your 40s is incredibly common. How do you think all those women had 12 kids?

I wish people would stop throwing this out as if that wasn’t grandma’s 3rd-12th child not her first in her forties. There is a huge difference between already proven fertility in years post 35 within strict monogamy from never-been-pregnant-before post 35 and years of multiple sexual partners.

It’s not only incredibly cavalier to advise young women to wait so late on purpose, it’s also callous to those of us in the devastation of infertility. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

Oh stop. Stating the facts is not callous of anyone. My aunt suffered from infertility in her late 20s and ultimately had to adopt. Is it callous towards my aunt for us to say that the average 27 year old isn't suffering from infertility?

Goodness gracious. “To wait SO LATE ON PURPOSE”. All are you are being willfully obtuse and it is exasperating. You are 1000% a part of the problem, if not only for the fact that you will double down incorrigibly in the face of anyone who dare disagree with your premise.

I have no idea what any of this means. No one advises women to wait so late on purpose. We are saying they don't need to be married by 30 if they haven't met the one.

THE ONE doesn't exist. And while no one should marry simply because they reach a certain age it's better, especially for those who want to have multiple children, to marry before 30. So if you want 2+ kids don't sleep around in your twenties but date with intention.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Women looks and womb go south and fall apart after 30

Let me tell you something that’s going to blow your mind: not all of us live everyday of our lives in pursuit of pleasing men.

You can't de-age your womb

You can do IVF.

And, you can’t fathom that not every woman wants babies.

I always hate how people just throw out "you can do IVF!" as if it doesn't take a financial, emotional, mental and physical toll on women and their relationships.

And as if it's guaranteed to work!

BTDT.

[Anonymous]

I was 24 and he was 27 when we got married. I was 33 when we had out first child. Why did we get married before 30? Because we had found our person and wanted to get married. I wasn't planning on ever getting married, but then I fell head over heels with him and knew that he was "the one."

We will be married 30 years in August. We've been through good times and bad times. I joke that he's not my destiny, he's my doom. Getting married was the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a doctor and medical professional we need to stop the false hope about natural and ivf pregnancy over 35. It's a disservice to our young women

I wish you weren’t full of crap. When I had my 3rd kid over 35 I thought I’d score some special treatment in pregnancy. Nope. They told me they actually wouldn’t do any different interventions until over 40.

I wanted an elective induction before 40 weeks but they made me go to 41 weeks. Because there is nothing to worry about at all between 35 and 40 according to them.

Well they weren't following ACOG guidelines for AMA then. Probably being stingy with appts. I say this as someone who had two kids 35+ so I'm not an MRA. But facts and risks are real.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Fertility isn't magically cut off at 35. It is only slightly more difficult to get pregnant at 36 than it is at 34. Let's look at what the experts said in 1982, way, way, way before IVF was commonplace and way before our little incel troll was a gleam in his mother's eye.

Likelihood of Conceiving in 12 Months by Age:

30-34 years old - 63%
35-39 years old - 52%

Source here is the Guttmacher Institute. Would be interesting to see if the person claiming fertility is over the day of your 35th birthday has a better source.

No it doesn’t magically cut off but there are hundreds of credible studies showing that on average fertility begins rapidly decline around your mid thirties. For those who want biological children (and particularly those who are not willing/financially able to pursue IVF) to just assume they’ll be in the 50 % able to conceive with a year without assistance post 35 seems pretty foolhardy.

Right, but you do realize that it's not IVF or no baby at all, right? There are loads of things between IVF that hopeful parents can try, and in fact, doctors will recommend before IVF. It's not "Either you are in the lucky 52% or you have to do IVF."

You are being absurd. Just admit you are wrong.

Please share these loads of in between alternatives would-be parents of “advanced medical age” can/should try to have a biological child. After trying for over a year we visited 3 fertility specialists at ages 38 (DH) and 37 (DW), specifically looking for alternatives to IVF, and were told by each that in most cases for couples post 35 that we’re having trouble conceiving IVF was the only good/high chance option.

So that actually sounds like you had some fertility issues as opposed to just decreased fertility due to age. Unfortunately that happens sometimes and I'm sorry you experienced it. However, just because you were not a good candidate for something like fertility drugs or IUI does not mean that other women do not successfully undergo those treatments before immediately jumping to IVF.

It's not that PP had fertility issues. Everyone female's fertility decreases and by 35 they are half as fertile as they were in their early 20s.

When you quote likelihood statistics but keep in mind that those are averages. For some the likelihood to conceive in 12 months at 35 is 90 percent. For others its 10 percent. And it averages to about 50. But it doesn't mean everyones chance is 50 percent.

That is why -for those who want to have a large family - to marry earlier than later because biology doesn't care about your life plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think culture, religion, fear of missing out and having trusted partner drove our marriage in mid 20's (both had professional degrees, no debt and jobs) but it was a good decision.

We had kids and house in early 30's and they were degreed and employed by the time we were in early 50's.

Its like having a second life to do whatever we want to do while we have energy and money.

Until you have to deal with your parents declining health.

\
good point! i'm 55 with a 27 year old and 24 year old and I'm dealing with my parents' declining health and i'm soooo glad to be doing this NOW rather than say, with a 17 year old and 14 year old trying to juggle their activities, parent them, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a doctor and medical professional we need to stop the false hope about natural and ivf pregnancy over 35. It's a disservice to our young women

I wish you weren’t full of crap. When I had my 3rd kid over 35 I thought I’d score some special treatment in pregnancy. Nope. They told me they actually wouldn’t do any different interventions until over 40.

I wanted an elective induction before 40 weeks but they made me go to 41 weeks. Because there is nothing to worry about at all between 35 and 40 according to them.

Well they weren't following ACOG guidelines for AMA then. Probably being stingy with appts. I say this as someone who had two kids 35+ so I'm not an MRA. But facts and risks are real.

You got a cite for that? Because my understanding is that they were within guidelines.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I got married at 28 and I was the second to last of my friend group to marry (the last one went at 40, a bit of an outlier). I found a person I could spend the rest of my life with and didn’t see a need to keep searching for a better deal.

We all went to top 20 schools and are lawyers, doctors, one CFO (not me!), and government workers (me!).

Now in our late 40s…[/quote]
Okay so this was 20 years ago.[/quote]

Did OP ask for recent marriages only?[/quote]

I got married at 27 and was among the last of my friend group (born and raised in NY). Will be 7 years this summer. My friend group may be an outlier, but most other young women I know here are engaged and/or married by 30. It’s definitely considered harder to date after 28/29 here for a woman. Not impossible, just harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a doctor and medical professional we need to stop the false hope about natural and ivf pregnancy over 35. It's a disservice to our young women

I wish you weren’t full of crap. When I had my 3rd kid over 35 I thought I’d score some special treatment in pregnancy. Nope. They told me they actually wouldn’t do any different interventions until over 40.

I wanted an elective induction before 40 weeks but they made me go to 41 weeks. Because there is nothing to worry about at all between 35 and 40 according to them.

Well they weren't following ACOG guidelines for AMA then. Probably being stingy with appts. I say this as someone who had two kids 35+ so I'm not an MRA. But facts and risks are real.

You got a cite for that? Because my understanding is that they were within guidelines.

They are. I’m in women’s health, I’m very familiar with ACOG’s clinical guidance and your physician was practicing within the standard of care. This person thinks dropping “ACOG” will make us all think they’re right, but anyone familiar with ACOG knows they aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the wisdom behind it?

Ask the tough questions within the first 2 months of dating.

Be clear you are dating to find a marriage partner.

Quickly cut bait of those scared off or not on the same page

[Anonymous]

Go to business school and get engaged to someone there

[Anonymous]

A 33-year-old man your same age is dating 25-26 years olds. At that point, you are competing with women 8 to 10 years younger and there isn't a competition on looks.

That's why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 33-year-old man your same age is dating 25-26 years olds. At that point, you are competing with women 8 to 10 years younger and there isn't a competition on looks.

That's why.

I’m 31 and my boyfriend (32) is dating a 31yo. My best friend is 32 and dating a 34yo. Tell me more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 33-year-old man your same age is dating 25-26 years olds. At that point, you are competing with women 8 to 10 years younger and there isn't a competition on looks.

That's why.

What 25 year old is dying to get married to a 34 year old??????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 33-year-old man your same age is dating 25-26 years olds. At that point, you are competing with women 8 to 10 years younger and there isn't a competition on looks.

That's why.

What 25 year old is dying to get married to a 34 year old??????

No 25 y/o I know is dying to date a guy in his 30s let alone get married.