When is too young to get engaged?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes, they live together in the same tiny apartment and attend the same medical school (when they applied, about 5 months after they started dating, they made it a priority to apply to the same/similar places so they could end up together and were lucky enough to get in their dream med school together). They're planning a 2 year engagement because they're still relatively young (so getting married at 24)

So many red flags here. I do hope it works out for them

I don’t see any red flags here; I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

Np here. But here are the red flags o ser.
Building your future around someone you have known for 5 months.
Applying to the same schools.- limiting options

Living together - sharing expenses thankfully it's only an apartment.

Lots of room for staying together due to inertia and not because it's the right thing for both of them. This also applies to residency applications

Also highly likely that if things don't go as planned one completely crashes and falls apart.

These aren’t red flags. If you are choosing to marry someone, you are building a life with that person. If things like sharing expenses and feeling tied to someone else aren’t your thing, don’t get engaged or married. But for someone who does want those things, like OP’s child, this are exactly the steps you take to start sharing your life permanently with another.

They aren't married. They are engaged and hastily so and made these decisions while barely dating.
That's not a mark of maturity or wisdom.

It's puppy love and immaturity at it's finest.

But someone like yourself Prolife, anti abortion, Focus on the Family subscriber can't see that because the only things that matter are marriage and babies.
You're probably in that other thread laughing about how it's totally cool for spouses to have tantrums and verbally attack each other just to claim 20 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say that you are happy for them! I would be proud to have raised such responsible, young adults who aren't living an extended adolescence. They sound like mature and capable individuals.

They haven’t accomplished anything (except med school).

Med school isn't an accomplishment. They will have done something when they graduate

Found the communications major.

Found the woman who has accomplished nothing in her life and lives through her spouse/ kids

+1. So weird for a middle aged woman to be so in the tank for medical students and doctors.

[Anonymous]

Don’t let a good one get away.

[Anonymous]

For me an engagement means marriage is imminent ,a year or less away not 2+ years non the future.

Most 22 year olds these days aren't ready for that and are thus too young.


It's not really the engagement that's concerning but the possible signs of imbalance too dependent on each other.

I've known couples who are happy together since 18, and I've known those who are miserable.
You really don't know how it will go.
If asked for advice by your daughter ask open ended questions.
There are resources online to help.guide you.
And unless you see signs of a abuse, depression serious things be very neutral about it all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t let a good one get away.

So I know of someone whose mother told her this. She was lucky to get have someone at 24. Good man. Solid career goals loves her etc. Don't throw it away because of age.

She wasn't really ready to be married. Ended in a messy divorce.

It's not the end of the world to marry young of the folks involved are truly ready for it.

But it's also okay to turn down the good guy whose perfect on paper if you really aren't ready. And not be pressured into it by older women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD (F22) recently got engaged to her boyfriend (M22) of two years. She had a very limited dating history before this (he was her first everything), but met in college and got engaged this spring (one year after graduating college) after living together for a little under a year. I'm apprehensive because they seem so young, but they're a sensible couple who have similar life goals (finishing med school and starting a family together) and who clearly support and love each other dearly. But, I'm concerned she still has so much room to grow and change and that the stress of medical school (They're both M1s) will break apart their relationship. I know I can't interfere, but two years doesn't seem like enough time to know if someone's the "one". The family does think he's a perfect match for her (smart, good family, kind, listening, and extraordinarily patient), so no concerns on either side there.

It doesn't matter what you, or anyone else, thinks. Your daughter is an adult. She will make her own life choices. This choice may turn out to be the wrong one. It may turn out to be the right one. No one knows (or can know) what the future will bring. In my experience, trying to guess whose marriages/relationships/life choices will succeed or fail is both a hopeless and potentially harmful exercise. It's hopeless because you really never know how things will work out and you can be very, very surprised by which relationships last and which ones don't. And it's potentially harmful because you could alienate your kid from you if you can't be 100% supportive of this choice (absent abuse, etc).

She's happy. You're happy for her. Leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes, they live together in the same tiny apartment and attend the same medical school (when they applied, about 5 months after they started dating, they made it a priority to apply to the same/similar places so they could end up together and were lucky enough to get in their dream med school together). They're planning a 2 year engagement because they're still relatively young (so getting married at 24)

So many red flags here. I do hope it works out for them

I don’t see any red flags here; I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

Np here. But here are the red flags o ser.
Building your future around someone you have known for 5 months.
Applying to the same schools.- limiting options

Living together - sharing expenses thankfully it's only an apartment.

Lots of room for staying together due to inertia and not because it's the right thing for both of them. This also applies to residency applications

Also highly likely that if things don't go as planned one completely crashes and falls apart.

These aren’t red flags. If you are choosing to marry someone, you are building a life with that person. If things like sharing expenses and feeling tied to someone else aren’t your thing, don’t get engaged or married. But for someone who does want those things, like OP’s child, this are exactly the steps you take to start sharing your life permanently with another.

They aren't married. They are engaged and hastily so and made these decisions while barely dating.
That's not a mark of maturity or wisdom.

It's puppy love and immaturity at it's finest.

But someone like yourself Prolife, anti abortion, Focus on the Family subscriber can't see that because the only things that matter are marriage and babies.
You're probably in that other thread laughing about how it's totally cool for spouses to have tantrums and verbally attack each other just to claim 20 years

They are starting a two year long engagement! That’s hardly hasty.

[Anonymous]

I'm more concerned they moved in together at 21 after 1 year of dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm more concerned they moved in together at 21 after 1 year of dating.

Lots of college kids practically live with their partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm more concerned they moved in together at 21 after 1 year of dating.

Lots of college kids practically live with their partners.

The key word here is “practically.” There is a huge difference between staying a lot and officially living together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Yes, they live together in the same tiny apartment and attend the same medical school (when they applied, about 5 months after they started dating, they made it a priority to apply to the same/similar places so they could end up together and were lucky enough to get in their dream med school together). They're planning a 2 year engagement because they're still relatively young (so getting married at 24)

So many red flags here. I do hope it works out for them

I don’t see any red flags here; I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

Np here. But here are the red flags o ser.
Building your future around someone you have known for 5 months.
Applying to the same schools.- limiting options

Living together - sharing expenses thankfully it's only an apartment.

Lots of room for staying together due to inertia and not because it's the right thing for both of them. This also applies to residency applications

Also highly likely that if things don't go as planned one completely crashes and falls apart.

These aren’t red flags. If you are choosing to marry someone, you are building a life with that person. If things like sharing expenses and feeling tied to someone else aren’t your thing, don’t get engaged or married. But for someone who does want those things, like OP’s child, this are exactly the steps you take to start sharing your life permanently with another.

They aren't married. They are engaged and hastily so and made these decisions while barely dating.
That's not a mark of maturity or wisdom.

It's puppy love and immaturity at it's finest.

But someone like yourself Prolife, anti abortion, Focus on the Family subscriber can't see that because the only things that matter are marriage and babies.
You're probably in that other thread laughing about how it's totally cool for spouses to have tantrums and verbally attack each other just to claim 20 years

They are starting a two year long engagement! That’s hardly hasty.

If you need to be engaged for 2 years it's hasty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:22 is young for someone who isn't doing well with education and goals or dating a college drop out waiter for three months or has tons of credit card debt and no family support.

Its not too young for two people who are dedicated to each other and their future and have been together for two years (probably known each other for 4 if from same college) and lived together. They probably have supportive families and common friends.

This. It is a positive for them. Also, being engaged or married at a young age is not a big deal. They should just not have kids until they are finished with med school and they are living together.

Though, at such a young age, they should also have a prenup for the first five years of their marriage and not have children in that period. If things go south, they can easily get out of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:22 is young for someone who isn't doing well with education and goals or dating a college drop out waiter for three months or has tons of credit card debt and no family support.

Its not too young for two people who are dedicated to each other and their future and have been together for two years (probably known each other for 4 if from same college) and lived together. They probably have supportive families and common friends.

This. It is a positive for them. Also, being engaged or married at a young age is not a big deal. They should just not have kids until they are finished with med school and they are living together.

Though, at such a young age, they should also have a prenup for the first five years of their marriage and not have children in that period. If things go south, they can easily get out of the marriage.

If you have to do all this you have no business getting married

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with a long engagement

[Anonymous]

I met my wife at 21. (Dated for several years.). All fine. Wish them well.