When is too young to get engaged?

[Anonymous]

My DD (F22) recently got engaged to her boyfriend (M22) of two years. She had a very limited dating history before this (he was her first everything), but met in college and got engaged this spring (one year after graduating college) after living together for a little under a year. I'm apprehensive because they seem so young, but they're a sensible couple who have similar life goals (finishing med school and starting a family together) and who clearly support and love each other dearly. But, I'm concerned she still has so much room to grow and change and that the stress of medical school (They're both M1s) will break apart their relationship. I know I can't interfere, but two years doesn't seem like enough time to know if someone's the "one". The family does think he's a perfect match for her (smart, good family, kind, listening, and extraordinarily patient), so no concerns on either side there.

[Anonymous]

You’re asking the wrong crowd. People on here think marrying before 30 is too young.

[Anonymous]

No, I think it's great. They will have passed the most significant milestones of life together and that will be a very strong bond.

I got married at 23. He proposed on the second date.

[Anonymous]

I met my husband at 18, he was 24, we got married three months later, were married for 25 years.

There is no too young to be engaged, although there is too young to be having sex. Bottom line, it's not up to you, it's up to those who are getting engaged.

You can have an opinion however, although it's debatable whether you should express it, as in counseling your AC to do or not do something and/or chatting with family as to whether they all think the fiancee is a perfect match or not.

[Anonymous]

I think early 20s is better than early 30s. I was early 30s and settled. I am divorced. Let them be.

[Anonymous]

What wouldn’t many parents give to have the luxury of these concerns? If the rigors of medical school don’t break them up, I would dismiss all worries. None of us are the same people we were at 22, regardless of oat sowing and neither are we capable of forecasting how we or our partner will change.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a great relationship. There is no role for you here; they are adults. Don’t meddle.

[Anonymous]

Unless your kid has asked you if she’s too young to be engaged, it’s not really something to ponder.

But let’s play this out and say everyone here said it’s too young. What exactly would you do? Pull her aside and say, “Hey, I know you’re an adult and are on your path to your career in medicine and have a relationship with this guy who, from everything I can see, treats you well and loves you. I’d like to step in and advise you to call off the engagement until you’re older.”

Are you really going to do that? Because this is one of your two options: Do this or say nothing. There’s no in between.

[Anonymous]

22 is young for this area, but I don't think it's too young. If they seem like a good match and they're on their way (or in) med school, then it's really up to them at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD (F22) recently got engaged to her boyfriend (M22) of two years. She had a very limited dating history before this (he was her first everything), but met in college and got engaged this spring (one year after graduating college) after living together for a little under a year. I'm apprehensive because they seem so young, but they're a sensible couple who have similar life goals (finishing med school and starting a family together) and who clearly support and love each other dearly. But, I'm concerned she still has so much room to grow and change and that the stress of medical school (They're both M1s) will break apart their relationship. I know I can't interfere, but two years doesn't seem like enough time to know if someone's the "one". The family does think he's a perfect match for her (smart, good family, kind, listening, and extraordinarily patient), so no concerns on either side there.

Why assume all negatives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a great relationship. There is no role for you here; they are adults. Don’t meddle.

This^.

[Anonymous]

or she could date and hook up with a dozen, get into two bad long term relationships, end up settling at 36 and then divorcing at 42.

[Anonymous]

DH. I proposed at 23. 20 years and four kids ago. All good.

[Anonymous]

Medical school will be stressful whether or not they're engaged/married, but at least it sounds like they're not planning kids right away, right? So either they'll be together at the end of med school, stronger than ever, or they'll be broken up/divorced. I don't think the engagement will make things worse.

[Anonymous]

22 is young for someone who isn't doing well with education and goals or dating a college drop out waiter for three months or has tons of credit card debt and no family support.

Its not too young for two people who are dedicated to each other and their future and have been together for two years (probably known each other for 4 if from same college) and lived together. They probably have supportive families and common friends.