Same college, same sorority, many of my prettiest sorority sisters did not marry well. Who did?

[Anonymous]

Claiming it’s devious and shallow guys after family money is a coping strategy. Most prep school alumni are not trust fund stereotypes. It boils down to simply steeping for 15 years in a private school. Pre K-12 does exponentially more to mold your disposition and foundation than college ever will. No parent wants to admit that because nobody wants to confront the fact that their overachieving public school child could claw into an elite college and they will not be given a fresh clean slate once they get there. And as OP detailed, even average-looking underachieving prep school alumni can go slack off at a party college and rush the same sorority as your daughter, but they will clean up the cream of the crop bachelors. It ain’t family money, it’s the fact that we’re all pretty baked in the cake by age 18. There is nothing you can do to replicate or catch up to peers who spent 15 years in a private school ethos. And the boys (and girls) who desire that disposition quickly tease “it” out of whomever they’re talking to. As the kids say, it’s a whole vibe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an expensive private school that catered to political families and all the men went on to marry equally educated, well-traveled, bilingual women. They aren’t particularly beautiful women but they share the same life experiences and fit in their families. This is a well-studied phenomenon btw, assortative mating is the reason for increasing, permanent gaps in IQ distribution across the population.

This is obvious basically everywhere except on DCUM.

DCUM is basically the only place I've seen where men push this, "guys like a happy, pretty barista from a trailer park who flatters them over someone nice and similarly educated from a good background" narrative.

Which I find particularly weird in DC, which in my circles is like THE land of assortative mating. Besides IQ, it's also why class mobility is at an all time low. Statistically, no, men are not marrying the baristas and high school educated secretaries no matter how many here crow about it being the law of the land. It doesn't bear out in reality.

I can't think of any professional I know who married someone who didn't have at least a college degree. Back before women started attending college in large numbers, it was common for, say, a lawyer to marry a secretary. That hasn't really been a thing for several generations now.

It's bizarre that anyone would claim that a significant number of men are looking to marry someone with a significantly lower level of education and socio-economic status.

Yup. I don't know a single one person in my family or friends who had a college degree and a professional job and married someone without a degree, not since 1940.

A lot of RNs (nursing bachelor’s and I think many later get a master’s, right?) seem to marry blue collar men, cops, and firemen.

[Anonymous]

This is such a sad, sad post. How pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Mevet hears of a sorority having 150+ members!

[Anonymous]

I think the most beautiful women have been proven to be the choosiest and how they reproduce with. Men are less choosy, and tend to find most women attractive, so theyre often fine with settling down a slightly less attractive woman as long as she makes their life easier. I also think truly beautiful women intimidate men- men assume she's already got a boyfriend, would never date them, would use them for their money, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the most beautiful women have been proven to be the choosiest and how they reproduce with. Men are less choosy, and tend to find most women attractive, so theyre often fine with settling down a slightly less attractive woman as long as she makes their life easier. I also think truly beautiful women intimidate men- men assume she's already got a boyfriend, would never date them, would use them for their money, etc

I’m from Los Angeles, so this may be regional but the truly beautiful women there tend to be messed up in relationships (and some other aspects of their lives) because they try to make it in the entertainment business, which is extremely messed up and chews up people mentally.

[Anonymous]

It’s not about genes. The best genes are not the inbred Horsy looking elites but rather the umc achievers that perform better in school and sports. It’s also not about manners and vibe-the best manners and vibe are among umc strivers who send their kids to etiquette lessons and private schools but
Are not blue bloods. Look at the umc striver kids taking golf and Saving so they can apply to boarding school. Some of my blue blood friends can actually be quite awkward because for them it doesn’t matter. The strivers have to be perfect in interviews and pass, they don’t.

What it is about is privilege and connections and you can’t teach or buy that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to an expensive private school that catered to political families and all the men went on to marry equally educated, well-traveled, bilingual women. They aren’t particularly beautiful women but they share the same life experiences and fit in their families. This is a well-studied phenomenon btw, assortative mating is the reason for increasing, permanent gaps in IQ distribution across the population.

This is obvious basically everywhere except on DCUM.

DCUM is basically the only place I've seen where men push this, "guys like a happy, pretty barista from a trailer park who flatters them over someone nice and similarly educated from a good background" narrative.

Which I find particularly weird in DC, which in my circles is like THE land of assortative mating. Besides IQ, it's also why class mobility is at an all time low. Statistically, no, men are not marrying the baristas and high school educated secretaries no matter how many here crow about it being the law of the land. It doesn't bear out in reality.

I can't think of any professional I know who married someone who didn't have at least a college degree. Back before women started attending college in large numbers, it was common for, say, a lawyer to marry a secretary. That hasn't really been a thing for several generations now.

It's bizarre that anyone would claim that a significant number of men are looking to marry someone with a significantly lower level of education and socio-economic status.

Yup. I don't know a single one person in my family or friends who had a college degree and a professional job and married someone without a degree, not since 1940.

A lot of RNs (nursing bachelor’s and I think many later get a master’s, right?) seem to marry blue collar men, cops, and firemen.

Ph.D's marry these men too, I am one and have known a few myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m more interested in women who marry “down”. I know three women who are college and grad school educated who married men with high school diplomas and blue collar jobs. This defies every metric of female mating patterns, but I’m curious if it’s an indication of a broader trend.

It is a broader trend as women pursue graduate degrees now in higher numbers than men. And there are more women graduating college. I have a PhD my husband was inlaw enforcement. I did not marry "down". He has been incredibly supportive of my career, provided financial stability while I trained for years, is a great, involved dad, cooks and we have a beautiful home and beautiful, successful children (if I do say so myself 🙂). He's adorable too. Let's move beyond the stereotypes. Of course these pairings can work. If you accept each other and realize and value what your partner brings to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

It’s hilarious how you are not allowed to mention dating in the private school forum or college forum (regarding Greek life).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious to what incomes and net worths are considered rich to these people who are marrying one another.

I’m a public school who went to an ivy. I met my DH in grad school. He also went to an ivy. I think more people meet and marry from college, grad school and meet during their young professional lives.

I wasn’t in a sorority. It seems really strange that OP is keeping tabs of these people from her sorority and she is trying to rank them. How would she even know how well they all married? Just from social media?

We live very well. I don’t post. I don’t think my old childhood friends could tell I married well from my social media.

It is not about family net worth or trust funds. That is just a cope. Private school molds you in unique ways which can not be replicated or faked. And boarding school alumni are even more unique than local prep day school alumni. There was a thread on dcum years ago about private school kids having a je ne se quoi. A certain something. It is hard to explain but you know it when you see it. This goes over the head of most public school alumni, ex. OP naively thinks all of her sisters were the same because on paper they were at the same college, in the same sorority, and studying the same majors. They were not the same. The private and boarding school educated women were unique in ways very attractive to the most desirable bachelors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were about 160 sisters in my sorority over 20 years ago. Looking back, while some of the prettiest classic beauty sisters married well, frankly, many of them did not. They frequently complain about finances, many are on second marriages, and some are single divorcees dating much older men. A handful never married and have no children – they seem to have successful careers. With the benefit of hindsight, who seems to have married the best? As crazy as this probably sounds, I double-checked this on Facebook last night and literally all of my sisters who went to ritzy private day schools and boarding schools married well. Literally 100%. All of them are married to either successful MDs, law partners, business executives, or entrepreneurs. No divorces. All of them have children. They live in elegant homes, especially for our age range, in premier neighborhoods. And for the sake of total honestly, these sisters were and are largely average appearance-wise. I am not saying that to be cruel or out of jealously, I was also average if not below average for our chapter, and I went to public school.

Is there something to this?

Yes, their families had enough money to send them to private schools and boarding schools, and their potential boyfriends were interested in women with family money or a certain background. Doesn't apply if you are a scholarship or financial aid student at those schools though, or if your parents pay full tuition and have to sacrifice to do so.

A story: I attended a private school but my family scrimped and saved to send me there and it was obvious; never was able to date anyone at my private school, the guys just weren't interested, even though we were friends so I assumed I was not attractive to them or too shy and studious. Attended a decent college on scholarship, lost contact, and then was accepted to a masters degree program at a much more prestigious university, of which my female private school friends were aware.

*One month* after attending the name brand U, I was getting contacted by all three guys I had crushes on in high school. Went out once with two, and it became apparent that *prestigious U* was the reason I was now considered dateable, and took precedence over my more humble family origins. By that point, I had no interest in either of these guys. I have been happily married to my dh for 20 years and he is also from lower middle class family, successful, and we met at work.

OP, many guys are in this for the money or prestige (or their parents want them to be) and it doesn't matter so much how pretty you are, sometimes your background matters more to certain people.

This is cynical and really unhealthy retrospect. The trio of boys circling back was almost certainly because you were around mid 20s and peers were getting serious about marriage and the dating pool was hyper-competitive and getting shallow. Hearing you got into grad school made you top of mind and whichever private school alumnus told them the news likely also shared you were single. I bet they even shared you were still fit! They wanted to marry a girl from their high school. That is charming, not conniving! You have a serious chip on your shoulder to take that the wrong way decades (?) later.

You missed the part where PP said she’d been married for 20 years.

I did not miss it, see "decades (?) later." All these years later and she still can not see this was totally normal communication?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious to what incomes and net worths are considered rich to these people who are marrying one another.

I’m a public school who went to an ivy. I met my DH in grad school. He also went to an ivy. I think more people meet and marry from college, grad school and meet during their young professional lives.

I wasn’t in a sorority. It seems really strange that OP is keeping tabs of these people from her sorority and she is trying to rank them. How would she even know how well they all married? Just from social media?

We live very well. I don’t post. I don’t think my old childhood friends could tell I married well from my social media.

It is not about family net worth or trust funds. That is just a cope. Private school molds you in unique ways which can not be replicated or faked. And boarding school alumni are even more unique than local prep day school alumni. There was a thread on dcum years ago about private school kids having a je ne se quoi. A certain something. It is hard to explain but you know it when you see it. This goes over the head of most public school alumni, ex. OP naively thinks all of her sisters were the same because on paper they were at the same college, in the same sorority, and studying the same majors. They were not the same. The private and boarding school educated women were unique in ways very attractive to the most desirable bachelors.

+1 I can spot the private school kids in a coffee shop