DH won't let DS (11) attend camps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TONS of kids get molested at overnight camps. I had a girlfriend in high school who was molested by one of the counselors when she was a pre-teen. Super traumatized by it. I also had another female friend who was molested at an overnight camp. And I didn't have a ton of female friends close enough to reveal that information nor do I go around asking people if they were molested at camps. I def would not send even my boys to overnight camp

Anecdotal but disturbing. They also don’t let the kids call home so they can’t even contact you if something happens.

Wrong. Most camps allow emergency calls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of kids survive without ever going to sleepaway camp. I'd just do more day camps.

It sounds like OP's husband also disapproves of day camps.

Yes, he allows them but isn't thrilled.

So stick with those as a compromise. Plenty of kids survive without over night camp experiences.
Different families different values.

[Anonymous]

Most kids don't go to sleep away camps. That's a very privileged thing for people to do.

That said, your husband needs to get over not sending your child to summer camp. What will your husband do when your child goes to college? Or has a sports overnight trip?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Agree. Sleepaway camp isn’t essential, but OP’s son wants to go. Pick one with a good and long standing reputation in the NE. Not allowing your kid to go to sleepaway camp bc you are afraid they will be molested is paranoia.

No, it is responsible parenting. I don't understand your cavalier attitude about it, either.

It is not responsible parenting, and encouraging independence is not being cavalier.

You can still encourage independence without risking sleepaway camps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TONS of kids get molested at overnight camps. I had a girlfriend in high school who was molested by one of the counselors when she was a pre-teen. Super traumatized by it. I also had another female friend who was molested at an overnight camp. And I didn't have a ton of female friends close enough to reveal that information nor do I go around asking people if they were molested at camps. I def would not send even my boys to overnight camp

Anecdotal but disturbing. They also don’t let the kids call home so they can’t even contact you if something happens.

Wrong. Most camps allow emergency calls.

Do you think a young child would be comfortable telling a counselor at the camp that they were violated by another counselor and asking to call home? I just can’t see this. I think they would be confused and scared. I feel like the emergency calls are for injuries etc.

[Anonymous]

My oldest at 11yr went to her first sleep away camp and walked in a 3 way of 2 female and one male counselors. She was threaded to not report and overall had a miserable time. The worst part is I dingy know any of this until she came home. The camp followed up and the counselors denied it and were allowed to stay the rest of the summer. So yeah, that was our first and last week of summer camp.

[Anonymous]

The biggest ironies on DCUM is how much parents seemingly coddle their kids, but still give them smart phones at 10yrs old and also ship them off to camp where they look up to horny teen counselors who are only there to fool around once the kids go to sleep.

It’s the most ass backwards way of parenting I have ever seen.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your DS's admissions chances at the elite university of his dreams will be ruined by playing video games a couple hours a day during the summer at age 11.

And isn't it Dad who's saying "no" to Space Camp?

Yes, through me. As far as DS knows, I'm driving this decision.

Man, tell him its his father. Why are you taking the fall on this?

DH doesn't want to have to explain, so he told DS it's because I'm too anxious to let him go anywhere. What am I supposed to do?

Well that's an f'ed up dynamic. What the hell?

Agreed, that's not cool. If this is DH's decision he needs to tell DS- whether he tells the actual reason why or not but it is completely unfair to put it on you. You guys need therapy for that alone.

+1 I don't know why you would agree to this. I would say, "I'm sorry sweetie, if it were up to me I would love for you to be able to go to Space Camp, but your father isn't comfortable with it. If you have any questions, you can talk to him."

I mean obviously the ideal healthy dynamic would be that it's presented as a unified front joint parental decision. But if your DH isn't on board with that, idk why you'd play along with pretending it's you.

Because he flipped out when I initially told him I wouldn't play along. Sometimes you do things to keep the peace.

You have much bigger issues to deal with than sleep away camp if this is how your marital life looks and feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your DS's admissions chances at the elite university of his dreams will be ruined by playing video games a couple hours a day during the summer at age 11.

And isn't it Dad who's saying "no" to Space Camp?

Yes, through me. As far as DS knows, I'm driving this decision.

Man, tell him its his father. Why are you taking the fall on this?

DH doesn't want to have to explain, so he told DS it's because I'm too anxious to let him go anywhere. What am I supposed to do?

Well that's an f'ed up dynamic. What the hell?

Agreed, that's not cool. If this is DH's decision he needs to tell DS- whether he tells the actual reason why or not but it is completely unfair to put it on you. You guys need therapy for that alone.

+1 I don't know why you would agree to this. I would say, "I'm sorry sweetie, if it were up to me I would love for you to be able to go to Space Camp, but your father isn't comfortable with it. If you have any questions, you can talk to him."

I mean obviously the ideal healthy dynamic would be that it's presented as a unified front joint parental decision. But if your DH isn't on board with that, idk why you'd play along with pretending it's you.

Because he flipped out when I initially told him I wouldn't play along. Sometimes you do things to keep the peace.

You have much bigger issues to deal with than sleep away camp if this is how your marital life looks and feels.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your DS's admissions chances at the elite university of his dreams will be ruined by playing video games a couple hours a day during the summer at age 11.

And isn't it Dad who's saying "no" to Space Camp?

Yes, through me. As far as DS knows, I'm driving this decision.

Man, tell him its his father. Why are you taking the fall on this?

DH doesn't want to have to explain, so he told DS it's because I'm too anxious to let him go anywhere. What am I supposed to do?

Tell the kid the truth and tell your husband to stop lying about you to your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your DS's admissions chances at the elite university of his dreams will be ruined by playing video games a couple hours a day during the summer at age 11.

And isn't it Dad who's saying "no" to Space Camp?

Yes, through me. As far as DS knows, I'm driving this decision.

Man, tell him its his father. Why are you taking the fall on this?

DH doesn't want to have to explain, so he told DS it's because I'm too anxious to let him go anywhere. What am I supposed to do?

Well that's an f'ed up dynamic. What the hell?

Agreed, that's not cool. If this is DH's decision he needs to tell DS- whether he tells the actual reason why or not but it is completely unfair to put it on you. You guys need therapy for that alone.

+1 I don't know why you would agree to this. I would say, "I'm sorry sweetie, if it were up to me I would love for you to be able to go to Space Camp, but your father isn't comfortable with it. If you have any questions, you can talk to him."

I mean obviously the ideal healthy dynamic would be that it's presented as a unified front joint parental decision. But if your DH isn't on board with that, idk why you'd play along with pretending it's you.

Because he flipped out when I initially told him I wouldn't play along. Sometimes you do things to keep the peace.

Let him flip. Controlling his emotions is his problem, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your DS's admissions chances at the elite university of his dreams will be ruined by playing video games a couple hours a day during the summer at age 11.

And isn't it Dad who's saying "no" to Space Camp?

Yes, through me. As far as DS knows, I'm driving this decision.

Man, tell him its his father. Why are you taking the fall on this?

DH doesn't want to have to explain, so he told DS it's because I'm too anxious to let him go anywhere. What am I supposed to do?

Well that's an f'ed up dynamic. What the hell?

Agreed, that's not cool. If this is DH's decision he needs to tell DS- whether he tells the actual reason why or not but it is completely unfair to put it on you. You guys need therapy for that alone.

+1 I don't know why you would agree to this. I would say, "I'm sorry sweetie, if it were up to me I would love for you to be able to go to Space Camp, but your father isn't comfortable with it. If you have any questions, you can talk to him."

I mean obviously the ideal healthy dynamic would be that it's presented as a unified front joint parental decision. But if your DH isn't on board with that, idk why you'd play along with pretending it's you.

Because he flipped out when I initially told him I wouldn't play along. Sometimes you do things to keep the peace.

You have much bigger issues to deal with than sleep away camp if this is how your marital life looks and feels.

I think your DH is lying and it wasn’t his sisters who were abused, or at least not only them. I suspect your DH is also a victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think sleepaway camp is necessary, but if all the kid's friends are going, and the kid wants to go, and the parents can afford it, then this father's fears are preventing that.

This is the real issue.

Agree. Sleepaway camp isn’t essential, but OP’s son wants to go. Pick one with a good and long standing reputation in the NE. Not allowing your kid to go to sleepaway camp bc you are afraid they will be molested is paranoia.

No, it is responsible parenting. I don't understand your cavalier attitude about it, either.

It is not responsible parenting, and encouraging independence is not being cavalier.

You can still encourage independence without risking sleepaway camps.

Risking? Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest at 11yr went to her first sleep away camp and walked in a 3 way of 2 female and one male counselors. She was threaded to not report and overall had a miserable time. The worst part is I dingy know any of this until she came home. The camp followed up and the counselors denied it and were allowed to stay the rest of the summer. So yeah, that was our first and last week of summer camp.

Nice story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to admit, these responses make me sad. DS was bound and determined to attend a pre-admissions camp at his dream school before his junior year, and it looks like that won't happen, either. I know I don't have to tell him no now, but it seems like I'm just kicking that down the road.

Thanks.

They're insanely expensive compared to shadowing a student, taking a class or just doing the regular campus tour, and they do NOT help with admissions. Please disabuse your kid on this.

Neither of which are allowed at his dream school. I am aware it doesn't help with admissions, but he does need to get a better idea of what he would be in for.

What school doesn’t allow shadowing a student? I’ll call the admissions office.

This all sounds like an excuse because you think your kid will wither on the vine if they don’t go to sleep away camp.